Tuesday, November 24, 2009

New Moon

I went out for our date night last night, we do this once a month. We live in a college town, due to the fact that my DH is military and doing the green to gold program. What did we choose to see? New Moon. We had read the books, and had seen the first movie. We weren't really impressed with either the books or the movies, but since we had already seen 2012 (really good by the way) we decided to see this movie. Why not finish the series? Pretty much how we were thinking.

It sucked. Pure and simple. The storyline was terrible, obviously because of the books so I'm a bit biased. The acting was horrendous, and to the point where we just sat there laughing throughout the entire movie. The dialogue was even worse. Let's just say I could have written that in my sleep. I assume the directors had this line of thought: "Well, they went to go see the first one because of the books, so it doesn't matter how much this one sucks. They will still come to see the movie." Awesome.

Let's start with the people at the theater. Aside from hooting and hollering everytime someone supposedly hot (no the characters are NOT hot, and some remind me of monkeys - Jake), there were parents there that would make comments after the movie - or even during - to their children. Most of the children there were under the age of 8. Terrible. It's PG13...for...a...reason!

Aside from that there were young children, I don't have a major issue with it as long as there is nothing too graphic for them. Granted this movie wasn't that graphic. The parents letting their 8 year olds read the books, I have a problem with it. Not because they are reading the books, but because most of the parents that went the night we did hadn't of even READ the books. (How do I know? Well, they'd ask things like "is that like it happened in the book??") Now, granted, some of the books weren't that bad. But some were ALL about sex. They let their 8 year olds read about sex without even checking the book out themselves. Nice.

Parents, at least monitor what your kids are doing. I don't see why I'm the only person who has an issue with this! Check to see what they are reading, check to see what they are playing, check to see what they are watching.

Ok, let's get into the movie itself. The most annoying part of the movie wasn't the fact that this 18-19 yr old girl was trying to make adult decisions about her life (which she obviously is NOT the best person to be doing so), but it was the pan around. The minute her man dumped her (WAHHH!! HE LEFT!!! WAHHH!!!), she sat depressed in her house doing whatever for months missing him. Seriously, during the movie the camera guy did a pan around of her head of 10 minutes while random months of text floated by. Pan around - November - Pan around - December...SERIOUSLY WTF!

It was like the director thought, "Well, since they all flocked to the first movie to see it because of the books...they will flock to this one just because of the first one or because of the books. Who cares if the directing/acting/dialogue sucks! We'll still make money!"

Another note on the acting...please use different facial expressions for different moods. Bella, the main character, was sad...then she's happy...then she's mad...all the same damn look!!!! And it wasn't just her, it was ALL of them. Maybe not Alice, but it was ALL of them!

Ok, let's get into the actual movie now. Boring. The entire movie (granted because of the book) was all about this 18 year old not moving past her man dumping her. Fuck, if my hubby did that to me - I'd laugh in his face! Seriously, what the fuck. This isn't the 60s anymore. You don't need a man to make you happy, only YOU can make YOU happy. Sure you love him, but you CAN love someone else (yeah, I do believe in soulmats but omg..get over it already!) and you don't need to sit in one fucking depressed shitty ass mood for MONTHS. TWO weeks it would take a NORMAL 18 year old to get over her ex. This one though, is "special" and it took her months, even then not fully over him.

This entailed from sitting in her room mopey, crying hysterically at the mention of his name, cutting off contact with her other friends, screaming because of night terrors (wtf), and of course she goes psycho and starts doing dangerous shit "just to see his face". Are you fucking serious, bitch? Omg, what an idiot.

The hooting and hollering was the most annoying. Every 5 seconds a bunch of (at least half the movie theater) was yelling "WOOOO!!!!!!" at one of the characters. Maybe it's me, but I don't see anything attractive and even their acting was a total turn-off. Edward is way too pale (yes, I know vampire) and his shirtless scene was really grotesque. Did you even notice his nipples look off? Yes, they do. I did a perusal. Not a pretty sight to see a stick thin, pale guy take off his shirt. And someone...please tweeze his eyebrows.

Jake looks like a monkey. Look at his face. Sure, he has muscles and is a werewolf...but damn you gotta LOOK at him when you're WITH him. Doesn't work like that. There needs to at least be an attractive to the person in order to have a relationship, and since I can't even look at his face without cringing it would never work out -- not even in my wildest imaginations.

Bella is just ugly. Plain, simple. She uses the same face for every emotion, her hair is always natted and dirty. She wears ugly clothes, and looks like the fat chick that was ignored throughout high school. I don't like the way she looks. Fuck, the bones chick looks better then her!

UGH! Worst...movie...ever!