I have two kidlets that are currently in elementary school. Both had their Christmas concerts on separate days, and we attended both of them. I'm sure this is due to the fact that the "gym"/lunchroom is tiny and can only hold so many people. Thus, they broke up the grade levels by days. Usually, there aren't many parents for any of the "older" grades (IE: Anything above Kindergarten)...but this year is a bit different.
My youngest actually had her Christmas concert the day before my eldest. We were actually later getting out of the door than I wanted to be. We wound up showing up around 20 minutes early, instead of our usual 30-40 minutes early. We usually leave and get there so early because front row seats are in high demand, and people here are complete assholes when they want to record their precious darling.
So, as per usual, we brought little man with us. I am also currently 23 weeks pregnant and struggling to walk/move without assistance. We wound up getting some pretty good seats in the second row, right on the edge. We liked our spot because little man can sometimes get grumpy, and one of us will just snatch him up and hold him. This way, he's not interrupting the performance with any crying.
Anyways, so my youngest's grade level is actually going last, after the Kindergarteners. So, we had to sit through about 45 minutes of other kids performing for their concert first. This is also not a good position to be in, because there are tons of "new" parents who are REALLY desperate to get their kids on film. They will do anything to do get it on film, including being incredibly rude.
Little man gets testy, so I swoop him up and stand right next to my husband's shoulder (he is recording). I made sure no one was behind me, because I don't want to be in someone's way. I am basically less than 10 inches away from my husband's shoulder.
Now, this happens every single time I stand up. Someone will ALWAYS stand directly in front of me. Mind you, there is no one behind me. I am 4'9. I am short. It is very easy to record standing off to my side or behind me. But, for some reason (without fail), every single time I stand up...there is ALWAYS some mother who MUST stand directly in front of me. It doesn't matter WHERE I am in the room, the minute I stand up - they come stand directly in front of me. Screw the fact that I had been standing there for however long with an unimpeded view of the "stage" (~20 minutes I was standing there). Screw the fact that the other mother is ALWAYS much taller than me. Screw the fact that she doesn't even say excuse me after she bumps into me. This happens every single time.
It just so happens that at THIS concert, she decided to shove her way in between my husband and I. Mind you, again, I WAS standing right next to him holding the baby right by his elbow. So, she decides HER recording is more important than having some TACT. She wedges herself in between my husband and I, and stands directly in front of me. Thus, I am now pushed behind her ass and can no longer see. I actually had to relocate to the entirely opposite side of the room, while holding the baby, just so I could see my kid perform. My husband had to meet me at the car afterwards, due to being separated.
Okay, so you get the jist. The second Christmas concert is set up almost exactly the same as the first. My oldest is performing last. We arrive 30 minutes early (phew!), and still only manage to get a seat in the 2nd row (boo!).
We are actually sitting BEHIND the obese woman who is on the PTA and started rumors about how I am supposedly a "teen whore mom". She started this rumor about 3 years ago at a "Mommy for Muffins" event at the school, in front of my kids - who heard everything (and I had to explain to them what a whore was after that...). I am unsure as to why it was started, as I was just grabbing a muffin for the kidlets and I at the time. But, I could hear her plain as day saying very loudly that I looked like a teen slut and "omg how old is she?!?!?! how old is that kid?!?!?!". Yes, lovely. Small town = gossip travels fast. I have not been a fan of hers since and avoid her at all costs.
I am naturally NOT happy about sitting near her. I have never confronted her for her rumors, and have let it all go. But, that doesn't mean I want to be anywhere near her. (Side note: She is also the type to show up to the school with her little dog on a leash - illegal on school grounds - just to get attention from others about how SO CUTE HER DOG IS. She likes to be the very center of attention, everywhere she goes and goes out of her way to get it.) She is also on the PTA, but the PTA is notorious for doing absolutely nothing for the school. It's just a bunch of moms gossiping, basically. I do 100x more for the school every month, than this woman has done in 3 years. But, I don't say any of my opinions and leave it all alone..because this is my child's school. Don't make a scene. Ignore the bitch, that's what I choose to do again.
So, after the 2nd graders finish their garbage, my daughter's turn FINALLY comes up (1 hour later). This time I am prepared and bring 3 bottles, which little man basically inhales. He is grumpy again. Can't say that I blame him, though. Fatty McGee's daughter is actually in 2nd grade, and has completed her concert. Two seats next to Fatty McGee become available and my husband convinces me to move up a row. Bad, bad decision. I am now stuck sitting next to this woman. Whatever, just ignore her and watch my kidlet. Husband takes little man to hold, while I record quietly.
Fatty McGee has this power trip issue, as well. She breaks school policies whenever she wants to, if it benefits her...and she gets away with it. She has this NEED to try to be special. Just follow the rules like everyone fucking else, geez. (There are SO many stories I could tell about this woman)
After the kids perform, they are supposed to sit on the ground (in front of the parents) with their class. Not so for Fatty's daughter. No, no. She is SPECIAL. Instead of sitting with her class, her daughter and her decide to have her daughter LAY ON HER LAP (sideways, so her head OR feet are basically on MY lap) for the rest of the concert. You really can't do that on these tiny metal chairs. There's barely enough room to sit on these dinky little chairs, let alone laying across someone's lap. There was a lot of "playing", so I have this little girls' terrible perm in view of my video or slapping me in the face randomly.
I let this invasion of privacy go, until I start getting punched, kicked, and elbowed randomly. I have it on video where I was getting hit so often (roughly every 10 seconds) and so hard, that I actually even dropped my camera onto the floor. You can actually see in the video each and every time I am hit (the camera jolts). Remember, I am currently pregnant, too. I got hit a few times in my stomach, and boy did it hurt the next day! (Little girl was wearing boots, too. Ouch!)
I did glance over a few times to see what the fuck they were doing to randomly start hitting me. Apparently, the little girl was NOT happy with laying across both our laps...she needs to be constantly flipped up into sitting position for funsies. So, they were basically playing and injuring me in the process.
Sadly, my husband was too absorbed in trying to keep the baby calm...to actually swap seats with me. We tried to switch at some point, but they started another song and I couldn't move while recording. Sigh.
I do say something: "Please stop hitting me". There is no response from either the mother or her daughter from this. They continue to keep hitting me. I try to ignore it and focus on my daughter...until....
My daughter's grade starts singing a Meow song. Not the Meow Mix commercial song, just some random Meow song where they repeat the Meow word over and over again. My daughter's grade is working on harmonizing this year, so it was basically them showing off how well they can harmonize with each other.
While recording, this woman and her daughter begin to berate the children on stage and talk about how stupid the song is (not our kids' choice of what they sing!). They are doing this VERY loudly. So loudly that I am basically ONLY getting their conversation on tape and you can barely hear the kids' singing. I am fucking livid at this point, but strive not to show it.
This is how the next encounter went:
Me (looking her dead in the eye) - "You know, we were quiet during when your child was performing. I would appreciate it if you were respectful and quiet during when MY child is performing."
Her (snarky, belitting tone and rolling her eyes) - "Calm down"
Me - "You are being exceptionally rude to the other children right now."
Her - No comment to me, but whispers something negative into her daughter's ear about how to ignore me.
**They continued hitting me for the rest of the performance. I tasted that little girls' hair more times that I have my own. I even got kicked in the face after the confrontation, but let that go and didn't say shit. I figured it'd all be over soon. We got out of there as FAST as we could.**
You know, it's one thing if you are going to be rude to the rest of the parents that are trying very hard to watch their kids perform. It's completely another thing when you assault someone for over an hour (the concert with JUST my kid's grade lasted roughly 1 hour 20 minutes) and are completely DISRESPECTFUL of the children that worked SO hard to put on this show for their parents.
I actually have the "confrontation" on video. She still doesn't understand why I was upset. I shouldn't have to inform someone about social graces and tell them to behave themselves. This is a fucking adult, you should not have to tell someone to stop injuring you or stop interrupting a performance that your kid isn't even in.
The next day, she showed up at the school with her dog again (I took a picture). She was trying to show off and was sending me "mean looks" until the kids came out from school. Once she was enveloped in the "omg" cries from the other kids, she finally stopped staring at me.
Sadly, this is typical Utard behavior. All about that entitlement and they are raising their kids this way. My own kids would NEVER behave or even touch another person without permission. Hers? Nope. We don't care if we punch, kick, or hit a pregnant woman.
Fucking retarded. Can't wait to move!
Sunday, December 14, 2014
Tuesday, December 9, 2014
School Lunch Debacle
Two weeks ago, I received a phone call about my daughter supposedly owing money for breakfast. I listened to the message three times, and actually realized that it was NOT my child they were calling about. We just happen to have the same last name as the BOY involved. I showed up at the school, paid the $4.95, and straightened it all out. It turns out she was actually ABSENT on the day of the charge. My daughter also eats breakfast at HOME. My other daughter has a POSITIVE account balance (odd I know, as I haven't paid anything into it). So, while my oldest has a positive balance...my youngest had a negative FOR NO REASON.
After speaking to the other secretary, apparently the accounts were not longer being linked together. For some reason MY phone number and information was listed as this kids' contact information. We were to receive no more future calls about this and it was supposedly handled.
However, today, I just received yet another call about how she owes another $4.95 (SAME EXACT AMOUNT) from October (SAME EXACT DAY) for an entire lunch and is past due. Not only does the woman in the message call her P Teegan (NOT her name), but she claims that it still needs to be addressed. 1) My daughter's name is NOT Teegan, 2) She brings her lunch EVERY DAY with her to school, 3) It was handled and I thought taken care of, 4) They aren't the same SEX or in even the same GRADE at this school, 5) It is a smallish school, and they KNOW who my kids are.
I am LIVID. I thought I handled this. I even paid the balance before, due mainly to trying to keep the peace or it being a simple error. We were finished. I am going to now have to speak to the principal about this matter, as it has obviously NOT been resolved. I am NOT paying for this kids' lunch this time, I already paid for his breakfast. His PARENTS need to fix their shit and I need to stop being harassed for a kid that isn't even mine.
Update:
Spoke to the secretary that Monday. It was supposedly cleared up again. My daughter received a note home that Tuesday from her teacher about her supposed outstanding balance. I threw it out.
On Friday, my daughter forgot her lunch at home - on purpose. I was in the middle of driving it back to the school (8:15am), when I received a phone call that my daughter ONLY brought a lollipop with her to lunch. She wasn't even EATING lunch that early, but they were calling me to basically go: "Oh, so you lied".
I informed the secretary that I didn't live that far away, and to refuse her a lunch meal. I would drop off her lunch from now on if she forgets it. I made my daughter apologize, too, as she left the lunch at home on purpose.
So, now, I look like a liar. God damn it.
But, supposedly, the kid's account is no longer linked to mine. Good.
After speaking to the other secretary, apparently the accounts were not longer being linked together. For some reason MY phone number and information was listed as this kids' contact information. We were to receive no more future calls about this and it was supposedly handled.
However, today, I just received yet another call about how she owes another $4.95 (SAME EXACT AMOUNT) from October (SAME EXACT DAY) for an entire lunch and is past due. Not only does the woman in the message call her P Teegan (NOT her name), but she claims that it still needs to be addressed. 1) My daughter's name is NOT Teegan, 2) She brings her lunch EVERY DAY with her to school, 3) It was handled and I thought taken care of, 4) They aren't the same SEX or in even the same GRADE at this school, 5) It is a smallish school, and they KNOW who my kids are.
I am LIVID. I thought I handled this. I even paid the balance before, due mainly to trying to keep the peace or it being a simple error. We were finished. I am going to now have to speak to the principal about this matter, as it has obviously NOT been resolved. I am NOT paying for this kids' lunch this time, I already paid for his breakfast. His PARENTS need to fix their shit and I need to stop being harassed for a kid that isn't even mine.
Update:
Spoke to the secretary that Monday. It was supposedly cleared up again. My daughter received a note home that Tuesday from her teacher about her supposed outstanding balance. I threw it out.
On Friday, my daughter forgot her lunch at home - on purpose. I was in the middle of driving it back to the school (8:15am), when I received a phone call that my daughter ONLY brought a lollipop with her to lunch. She wasn't even EATING lunch that early, but they were calling me to basically go: "Oh, so you lied".
I informed the secretary that I didn't live that far away, and to refuse her a lunch meal. I would drop off her lunch from now on if she forgets it. I made my daughter apologize, too, as she left the lunch at home on purpose.
So, now, I look like a liar. God damn it.
But, supposedly, the kid's account is no longer linked to mine. Good.
Sunday, December 7, 2014
Local Craigslist Beggars
Just scrolling through Craigslist, when I saw what I hate the most. Wanted ads for help. They have been starting earlier and earlier this year. Most of these are actually from around Nov. 8th - way in advance of the holidays. They still all irritate the garbage out of me regardless. So, I am sharing the love. Have fun. I sure laughed at a lot of these specific "needs".
Help for christmas please
"I'm in need of help for 3 kids and a mom the kids age range from 1,3,4 the little girl size is 3t and she loves pink pretty princess and spongebob her shoe size is 8, the 1 year old is 2t and he loves spongebob and elmo his shoe size is between 6 and 7 wide bright colors, and the 4 year old 4t to 5t and spongebob and cars his shoe size is 9 and color is blue/green , and the mother is in need of clothes size 6 and shoes size 8 and she loves red"Boy, that is pretty damn specific. What is that phrase? Beggars can't be choosers.
single mom needs help ***ISO*** - $10
"Hi everyone, so I hate to ask for help but this time I need it. I'm a recently single mother of 4 children. My fiance and I, of 4 yrs, split up and I have to move out. I have applied for apartments around this area... but my problem is I have nothing except my kids bunk beds. I need help finding everything for an apartment for cheap or free, and in decent condition. Please let me know if anyone can help.... we would truly appreciate it!!! Kinda a list below....
couch and love seat
end an coffee tables
dining table set
TV stand
dressers
adult bedroom set
microwave
toaster
mixer
silverware
cups
and pretty much anything household
?washer an dryer
Thank you so much for at least taking the time to read this!!!!"
Wow....you can't go buy a cheap $5.00 fork/knife/spoon set at Walmart? This is a LOT of furniture and UNNEEDED items on this list. These are mainly WANTS - NOT needs.
Needing Help
"If there is anyone out there who could help a struggling mother please. I just got a new job and this check will barely be enough to cover my groceries. I just moved into a new apartment after getting out of a relationship. My savings got me and my daughter a place but i don't have money for much else. My cell phone bill is two months behind and i need help. I will give you all my account info so we don't really even have to speak. my bill is currently 232.00 and i need my phone to communicate with daycare and evening pick-ups or even if something went wrong and the school needed to contact me. Again its not a scam just became this in need."
Yeah, sure, your cellphone bill is at the VERY top of my priorities. Get a vonage phone, and get rid of your cellphone. A cellphone is a LUXURY.
TIRES PLEASE HELP 265/70/16
Because you know I am going to spend roughly $1k on snow tires for your car. She hates to ask, yet doesn't feel any shame asking...how about asking neighbors, family, friends...taking a bus FIRST.
Please help the kids get something for Christmas
Christmas help needed (485971)
can you help?
He has Had many surgeries and many more to go.
He exceeded the medical expenses that the insurance
would cover in the first day. He will not be able to work for at least
A year. We are trying to raise money for living expenses. He
has a wife and 3 kids that will not be able
To have any kind of Christmas or anything else.
We are trying to raise money to help them out.
We are having a benefit auction at the Kingstone
center on December 13, 2014 We have also set up a go fund me
Account. Anything even a dollar helps. Please
help us help this sweet family. Before they lose
their house. Everything is appriciated. You can
also call or Text me if you can donate anything
for our benefit auction. I will arrange to get it picked
Up. Thank you and god bless. I have posted
the go fund me link below.
Www.gofundme.com/cowboycodyle wreck"
Help for the holiday?
Also for a Christmas tree and lights.
Boy size 7 pants and small shirt socks underwear size 1 for shoes likes hot wheels nerf guns coloring
Baby boy size 6-9 months clothes
Huggies size 3 wipes toys
Allergic to pampers
Girls size 6 pants and xs/small shirts size 12 shoe socks underwear likes barbies , babies coloring
They all would really appreciate anything. Thanks I'm advance.
Happy holidays!"
help please
need help with xmas
"I dont like asking for help but i dont
have the money for christmas for my babies im staying with a friend a
just lost my job i dont know what to do being a single mom is very hard i
have no family here either that makes the holidays worse well if u can
please help call or text 3852447551 thnkz an god bless i have 3 boys 6m 4
y an 6 y"
NEED HELP FOR CHRISTMAS
just a little help
a little help this christmas please (Twin Falls)
Please Help!
needing help for Christmas
need help with christmas - $5
their ages are 2 &3
2 yr old-
pants size 3T
shirts size3T
he loves elephants, and Monsters inc.
asked for a color book and crayons
3 yr old-
pants size 4 or 5
shirts size 4
he loves frogs and cars
Asked for a cars themed bed set for his twin bed"
Christmas Help
needy family need help loan
I hope someone or anyone can find it in their hearts to help.
Thank you"
Holiday Help Needed. Please look
Friday, November 28, 2014
Expectant Mom Dies Via Elderly Driver
http://news.yahoo.com/expectant-mom-struck-car-dies-baby-born-alive-164229978.html
About 18 years ago, I was 16 years old. I was driving my younger sister and I home from school. We were following behind an older woman (~60ish). It was raining and very slick, thus I was keeping pretty far back (kind of newish driver and if anything happened to my car...oh boy). She suddenly slammed on her brakes and turned on her left blinker AFTER slamming on her brakes. She was apparently trying to turn left into a line of bushes (there was no driveway or anything to turn into...?). I hit my brakes and threw my "mom arm" over my sister's chest, just like my mom taught me to do.
The car behind me didn't stop, they weren't expecting it either (really...nowhere to turn left there for a LONG time). They slammed into us, making us slam into her. The car behind me had a father and very young son (~5ish) that wasn't buckled in. The son wound up slamming his head into the back of his father's seat, and was bleeding a lot (head wound and all). I grabbed the nearest thing I could (sweatshirt) and pressed it against his head until the ambulance showed up. He wound up going to the hospital, but was generally fine afterwards.
At the end, when speaking with the police. This woman had a cane, she wasn't wearing her glasses, AND attempted to blame me. The police asked her why she wasn't wearing her glasses (they were around her neck the whole time), and she said "It's that damn teen's fault!!!!" Way to avoid responsibility. The police obviously sided with me, as I was the car IN THE MIDDLE that got squished.
My sister wound up with a nasty bruise on her chest, and I face planted the steering wheel. I was only slightly bleeding, but my face looked like a train wreck afterwards. It took about 2 months for the bruise on my sister to go away.
I don't know what happened to that old woman after that, but I REALLY hope they took her license away. My mom was livid though, not at me. She couldn't wrap her head around someone driving, endangering/hurting others, and STILL not accepting responsibility for her actions. I was terrified to drive until I was about 22 after that, and even still will NOT drive long distances. I keep a camera in my car. The old drivers in this small, small town are TERRIBLE. I have seen some crazy stuff around here from them. It's worse then someone driving with a cellphone. Even if they are driving super slow (~20 under speed limit), they are still horrible at stopping for lights/stop signs/anything else. I've also taught my own kids the "mom arm", as I am fairly certain my sister might of gone through the window without it (she's still tiny, so could easily slide out of the buckle).
When I had meningitis and a LOT of issues driving, I absolutely refused to drive myself anywhere. The medication made me loopy and I was having problems remembering things. It is called personal responsibility. I could live for a few months without driving, while I got myself sorted out.
I think older people need to accept their own personal responsibility, as well. My own mother had a stroke and she refuses to drive now - for good reason. Laws need to change and they need to test people after a certain age.
About 18 years ago, I was 16 years old. I was driving my younger sister and I home from school. We were following behind an older woman (~60ish). It was raining and very slick, thus I was keeping pretty far back (kind of newish driver and if anything happened to my car...oh boy). She suddenly slammed on her brakes and turned on her left blinker AFTER slamming on her brakes. She was apparently trying to turn left into a line of bushes (there was no driveway or anything to turn into...?). I hit my brakes and threw my "mom arm" over my sister's chest, just like my mom taught me to do.
The car behind me didn't stop, they weren't expecting it either (really...nowhere to turn left there for a LONG time). They slammed into us, making us slam into her. The car behind me had a father and very young son (~5ish) that wasn't buckled in. The son wound up slamming his head into the back of his father's seat, and was bleeding a lot (head wound and all). I grabbed the nearest thing I could (sweatshirt) and pressed it against his head until the ambulance showed up. He wound up going to the hospital, but was generally fine afterwards.
At the end, when speaking with the police. This woman had a cane, she wasn't wearing her glasses, AND attempted to blame me. The police asked her why she wasn't wearing her glasses (they were around her neck the whole time), and she said "It's that damn teen's fault!!!!" Way to avoid responsibility. The police obviously sided with me, as I was the car IN THE MIDDLE that got squished.
My sister wound up with a nasty bruise on her chest, and I face planted the steering wheel. I was only slightly bleeding, but my face looked like a train wreck afterwards. It took about 2 months for the bruise on my sister to go away.
I don't know what happened to that old woman after that, but I REALLY hope they took her license away. My mom was livid though, not at me. She couldn't wrap her head around someone driving, endangering/hurting others, and STILL not accepting responsibility for her actions. I was terrified to drive until I was about 22 after that, and even still will NOT drive long distances. I keep a camera in my car. The old drivers in this small, small town are TERRIBLE. I have seen some crazy stuff around here from them. It's worse then someone driving with a cellphone. Even if they are driving super slow (~20 under speed limit), they are still horrible at stopping for lights/stop signs/anything else. I've also taught my own kids the "mom arm", as I am fairly certain my sister might of gone through the window without it (she's still tiny, so could easily slide out of the buckle).
When I had meningitis and a LOT of issues driving, I absolutely refused to drive myself anywhere. The medication made me loopy and I was having problems remembering things. It is called personal responsibility. I could live for a few months without driving, while I got myself sorted out.
I think older people need to accept their own personal responsibility, as well. My own mother had a stroke and she refuses to drive now - for good reason. Laws need to change and they need to test people after a certain age.
Tuesday, November 18, 2014
SIL From Hell
So, I have two sister in laws. The one I'll be talking about is currently staying with us, and has been for about 3 months (the other one I have extremely disliked from day 1 of DATING my husband). She is 28 years old, has not finished or even attended college, and basically a typical "female". She does not stay in relationships longer then 3 months and I have a strong suspicion that she is an outright slut (after seeing how she acts with guys here, I would NOT be surprised). She is the baby of the family. Even her own mother says she is spoiled rotten and "very sensitive". I don't believe the sensitive bullshit, she started her own shit with me and I came into this shit with an open mind. I was told from day 1 not to believe any rumors from the rest of the family about her, and I didn't, I judged her based on her own actions IN my house.
Family coming to stay with us for extended periods is actually nothing new. We live so far away and the pass closes, so people can and most likely WILL get stuck here for a month or two during the winter. Last year, my MIL stayed with us and she was a blessing (amazing woman). This time, however, it has turned into pure and utter hell. Which is ironic because everyone said we would get along fantastic...apparently not so much.
She was mainly coming to stay with us because according to her and her mother, she needed some "straightening out". Mind you, this girl is 28 years old. This past year we had to drive out to Iowa to go get her and save her from an abusive relationship. After packing all 3 kids in the car, when we GOT THERE (18 hour drive)...she called us to tell us to turn back. We were never reimbursed for taking off work, our time, or our gas. We were furious, but tried to remain understanding.
Thus, when she called again and demanded (yes, demanded) that we come get her immediately - my husband told her no. But, we did send some money to her for her other sister to drive out there and get her (she promised to reimburse us). She actually wound up being put into a mental institution for her "depression". (I put that in quotes because really, I don't think it's depression. I think it's just attention needy bitchness. She ONLY claims she is having issues with depression when she is NOT getting her way.) Her sister DID get her, but things spiraled out of control not soon after returning home to live with her mother.
So, she came to stay with us. The goal was to get her out of her home state and around people that weren't basically the scum of the earth. She was apparently going out all nights and partying nonstop. She couldn't hold down a job and actually wasn't paying any bills at her mom's place (even though she promised to). She was basically mooching her way through life and living it up. Her friends were no better and most were drug addicts.
At first, things went along swimmingly. She had some job interviews that didn't pan out, and I dutifully waited in the car for over an hour during each one. So my husband got her a job working with him and started training (3 weeks of sitting in a chair basically) within about a month and a half. We know now, that we should have NEVER referred her for the job. I even let her ass borrow some of my much needed, and never replaced, clothes. I am a size 2, she is easily a size 7 and effectively ruined a maternity pair of pants. She stretched them out, but they were still wearable and I let it go. (She now has this annoying habit of going into whatever closet she wants - like she owns the place, and scouring through it all for whatever she is looking for. Her mother left a jacket here, and the first place she checked was MY closet...which means, she probably stole some of my clothes thinking it was her mom's.)
We watched TOO many horror movies that first month and a half. She dressed up for Halloween and even handed out some candy to kidlets while we trick or treated with ours. It was working out well, and even the issues I had with her...well, they could be ignored for the good of the family. Keep the peace, right? She was helping by watching the kids when we did our grocery shopping and working with my husband (read: waking up at 6am to sit in a chair and LEARN until 3pm). She was being useful. Yes, I know...cold, but very logical of me. She's family, so I let a LOT of things go.
Skip forward to when all the trouble begins. Nov 1st, I remember because it was the day after Halloween and she wanted to go to a party. So, she called up some random dude (whom she had never met IRL and we didn't know) that lived about 45 minutes away in another small town off a highway. She said he was the designated driver and would drop her back off when she was done. So, we settled in for date night at around 6pm and started to watch some movies.
3am comes around and still no sign of her. So, my husband texts her asking if she is okay and gets a drunken slurred response (yes, you CAN tell when someone is drunk texting you). We do eventually get her on the phone, after much nagging of said husband to make sure she was okay. Apparently her designated driver decided to get drunk, as was everyone else at the party. She was contemplating staying there over night or at least a few hours more until she/he sobered up, she had no idea how to get back though (after repeated attempts to explain and even tell her how to use a GPS). This was unacceptable. Obviously, as a parent and concerned family member we had to go get her at 7am (right around when the sun was rising). So, we packed ourselves into the car and drove out to east bumblefuck to rescue SIL.
When we arrived she was stumbling drunk, tried to get into the wrong car (looked nothing like our car), and wouldn't stop talking! She almost slid down into a ditch and fell into a cow manure field. My husband and I basically had to guide her to the car and make sure she got in safely. It was rough. Getting home and dealing with her was rough, too. She basically stayed up and we had to drunk talk to her for about an hour or two before she just passed out. At some point, we thought she died in the bathroom. We gave up on our movie and never finished it. We did attempt to have at least two conversations with her about getting drunk and disappearing. Obviously, those had no effect...because the partying has continued. Her mother tried to talk to her at one point, and that didn't work either. You can tell she also has a drinking problem and we had to hide all narcotics (for my hip) and alcohol in the house.
She started getting more vocal about things after that. She would walk into the living room and declare loudly "Why can't we watch something EVERYONE wants to watch?" Which means, my husband and I had to stop watching our shows together in order for her to watch yet another horror movie (which is basically all she would watch). She is also obsessed with one or five football teams, and would claim the TV every single time one of said teams was playing. No matter if I was listening to my shows while cleaning the house. I caught her having a "conversation" (read: very loud talking shit about me) with my husband while I was doing the dishes about how I am never actually WATCHING the shows...but I need something to listen to or do while I am cleaning the entire house, so fuck you bitch. I'm fairly certain my response to that was something along the lines of: "When you do chores, you can listen to the TV while you do them. Otherwise, they are mundane and a pain in the ass. I'm not a house slave, and I can do what I want in my own house." (Let's not forget the fact that my husband is usually sleeping during this time due to working night shift, so really...I usually have the TV all to myself) I'm sure I said it nicer then that, but that was the jist of my response. I have also caught her purposefully deleting or interrupting my recordings in progress, just so she can do/watch her own shit.
She has called me ignorant about numerous things. Anywhere from relating a childhood story about my friends thinking my family was weird for canning and having food storage. We lived in the north in a major city, so it wasn't exactly very common growing up. Apparently, she had a different experience and decided to "call me out" on it. She tended to do that quite a bit, about almost everything I said. So, I stopped talking so much. She also started calling me Bessy, due to my being pregnant and the way I am walking. My hip is starting/is dislocated again, so I tend to hunch over when walking. It hurts like hell. My husband says that she was joking about that one, and she tried to say she was joking too. Apparently this is how their family jokes around, I get that. But I have the common theory of: If it hurts someone's feelings, it's not a joke. She ran with the Bessy thing for about 2 weeks before she stopped all on her own accord (I believe it's because she wasn't getting a rise out of me). She also told me to my face that I tend to "exaggerate things" aka lie about things. Anyone that knows me knows that I refuse to lie, even if it hurts someone's feelings. My own family knows I record my conversations with them over the phone, because 1) they tend to twist thing around like only narcissist can do, and 2) I had meningitis, so I want to make sure I remember things correctly - which I still struggle with sometimes and am constantly writing things down to remember. I absolutely 100% will NOT lie about shit. I don't like drama, and I have absolutely zero filter on what I say. It is how I live my life. She has also said that my checking my husband's mail (for bills...) is illegal. I corrected her on that about 6 times before she finally stopped. It was just another insult sly from her and her trying to establish how supposedly controlling I am.
Around the time when things went REALLY downhill, my husband and I had a massive argument. It stemmed from my asking him to take out the trash. He is SUPPOSED to do it, but I have been doing it steadily for about 3 years now. Mainly this is because I will fill the trash can FOR him (not my job) and he will forget EVERY SINGLE DAMN TIME to take the can to the curb. So, I do it but I will bitch the whole time while doing it. His only chores in said house are help with the kids when awake, mow lawn (he purposefully doesn't do this either), make dinner, and the trash. Not much if you ask me. I handle the baby roughly 12 hours a day, the girls (2 of them...), their homework, their clothes for school set out for the week, their lunches,all housework, the animals (3 cats, 1 dog), doctors/dentist/vet/school appointments, gifts for their classes, bills (including his), grocery/shopping lists, presents (lately I just finished my Christmas list for the kids), and even my husband's garbage (he likes to leave his shit everywhere). I've even been known to mow the lawn, pull weeds, rake leaves, etc...while pregnant and with a dislocated hip! Yes, it's been done. Hence, I take my chores and running this household seriously. Obviously I do about 99% of the work around this house and demand respect for it. I also demand my husband to do something he is supposed to do when I ask him to do it.
Anyways, so I ASK him to take out the trash while he and she are playing the married couple - making dinner together (this is another thing that drives me nuts, whenever he is around...she attempts to take all his attention away from everyone else - even the kids). That actually used to be mine and my husband's activity, but she essentially took it over. She also sits in my spot at the kitchen table and I have nowhere to sit unless I want to be squished in a chair. So, I've been eating in the living room.
She pipes in, as is her habit to do whenever we are discussing something. She apparently got it into her head that she can somehow get involved in our marital disagreements or rather even our marriage. She has been making random comments for a while now, and this time it was just too much. She pipes up immediately and says that it was taken out - with massive attitude laced in there. So, I say: "Was it taken out to the trash can, because I have been having to do that EVERY day by myself.". She mutters something negative about me to my husband, and that just sets the ball rolling. I make a snippy comment to my husband about how I'm tired of doing the trash myself, when it's his damn job. Naturally after dropping this bomb on us, she disappears.
It turned into him insulting my family and my insulting his lazy sister. She was doing nothing around the house (the things she WOULD do were half-assed and had to be redone), constantly under minding my parenting (more on this in a second), talking shit about me (unproved at the time), and constantly trying to party every weekend (she has done this about 6 times now where she stays out all night and doesn't come back until 15+ hours later with no word from her). We are the type of people that once really stressed, we attack each other. It's never pretty. We always make up and have a normal conversation afterwards...but during the fight is NOT the time to attempt to get involved. It is PURELY between us and a way to blow off steam. We let things build up for so long, that we eventually just snap.
Our marital fight actually wound up going over pretty quickly and we sorted things out. SHE however needed reassuring. I am really not kidding. My husband and I have a fight, and this bitch is in my daughter's room in fucking tears for TWO DAYS about how we supposedly don't want her here. Fucking stupid. We spent TWO DAYS calming this bitch down. According to her, it's because she doesn't have her depression medication (my ass). I think it's just that she was unhappy that her little bomb didn't work the way she had planned it to work. I am furious about this still, as our marital fight is between us and WE need to sort things out TOGETHER - without said involvement from her....and she was REALLY involved.
I kid you not, she even somehow turned our fight into a "I'm going over to random dude's house for the night, and will get a plane ticket asap." "I don't feel welcome here". So, we had to talk her out of such an absurd notion. We spent more time calming her down then we actually did fighting! Her lack of awareness is astounding! Mind you, she admitted to not even knowing we were fighting about our families. She had no idea her name was even mentioned. So, she was basically having a pity party due to a fight that didn't even involve her (I didn't even really say anything mean...just that he could pack his shit and take his sister with him). I even had to sit down in my daughter's room with her and try to get emotionally loving with her. This is rough for me, as I tend to be VERY logical. I sat in there for 2 hours. It was fucking terrible.
After that, she started avoiding the shit outta me. I'm going to assume this is around the time she started insulting me to people other than my husband. I would walk into a room she is in, and she will disappear upstairs to do her own thing - for hours. The only time she would exit said room was to MAYBE go to work, go party, or have my husband alone in another room away from me.
I also got a call from her mother stating that the job wasn't working out and she didn't like getting yelled at on the phone. Which is funny, because SIL never even took a call yet! She also claims that she "doesn't understand anything that is going on". I offered her my old notebooks, which basically says: "This is the error, this is exactly what you do for it". My husband offered to help her. She took neither of us up on our offer. The training is basically teaching computer skills for the completely idiotic people of the world. The training is designed to TEACH you. But, whatever, if the job isn't for her...just get a different one AFTER training. Otherwise, you're JUST sitting there earning money. Easiest money made ever.
About a week later, she decides that instead of randomly just calling out of work - which she had been doing about every other day - she was going to just TELL her boss that she is moving back to her home state soon. What?! (We had no idea this was her plan until she told us this) The boss rightfully fired her on the spot. She was told that she was basically earning an easy paycheck and just ride out the training, but instead...she decides to have the choice taken away from her. Thus, she thought we wouldn't find fault with her or think she is utterly fucking stupid. She was wrong, my husband has been commenting about it for a while now. Even he saw how fucking retarded that was. He is still pissed he referred her and she couldn't make it longer then 2.5 weeks.
My husband went grocery shopping last week, and I asked him to take her with him. I mainly figured her getting out of the house would do a world of good for her depression (that doesn't exist!). I thought she had left, but walked into the living room after doing a load of laundry..and she is sitting there wrapped up in two blankets, wearing a jacket. I asked if she was going with him, and she says no. Okay...are you cold? Yes, she's cold. Bitch, say something then! I turned the heat up to 75 for her (too hot for the baby, but whatever drama queen). But, she HAS to be a victim...I'm sure it's MY fault that the heat was turned to 71 (god forbid!) during the WINTER.
So, skip forward to about 4 days ago. She is still locking herself in my daughter's room. I found out why she wants to go back, too. She met a guy who is a recovering heroin addict and has been sober for 66 days (....that's not a long time). He also admits to choking his girlfriend out for so long that she passed out. Great guy, really. (She excuses this choking a bitch by saying the ex-girlfriend was ALSO a heroin addict...) She basically spend all day/night talking to him or talking shit about me to whoever will listen. I have overheard it a few times now. Her main assault choice is obviously texts, but she can't hide her disdain for me much longer. She finally leaves on the 28th, the day after Thanksgiving.
She's also been purposefully under minding my parenting from day one. I try to explain the rules of the house to her as best as possible and when that doesn't work I attempt to NOT send my husband to speak to her...but when it's really blatant, something NEEDS to be said. I have been mainly biding my time until it's blatantly obvious to my husband. I don't want to stir up drama when it's not that big of a deal.
The girls, myself, and my husband get vicious when we play games. Sometimes there is cursing involved and a lot of insults. We are allowed to curse, but not around Dad or in public. Apparently, SIL thinks she should be on that list too. I call bullshit, you're not higher on the pecking order than myself or their father. Don't like it? Leave the fucking room. The only time they aren't allowed to curse is when Dad is around or in public. Otherwise, have at it. Just don't get NASTY with each other, and especially not cursing AT each other. That is the rule. SIL does not agree with this, yet she has obviously done the opposite in her actions with me.
When my ex-husband visited for Halloween, even he was angry (and he's never really around) about the way she was acting. The girls were playing a game with all of us for family night, and one of them had to go to the bathroom. Bitch SIL pokes her head outside of the door and tells my kids to shut up. Uh, no. It's not their bedtime, they can be as loud as they want. She has done this numerous times since. Once my daughter was taking a shower at 8:45pm (bedtime weekdays is 10:30, and weekends - except Sun - is around 11:30), she told my daughter to stop singing in the shower! Oh man. I was livid. But, I still didn't say anything directly to her. Later she will ask me exactly WHEN the kids go to bed, because you know...I'm a terrible parent who just lets them run wild all the time. This is yet another sly dig at my parenting. It is also NOT up to her to tell them when to be quiet, when SHE doesn't NEED her sleep (she supposedly also has sleeping issues and takes MY pills to go to sleep). The rest of us need our sleep, and it is up to US to tell them when they are being TOO loud (which does happen, but NOT when she is lecturing them).
So, my kids have chores. I am teaching them responsibility. They are not allowed to play or do anything fun until their chores are finished. If I have to repeat myself, or ride them to get it done...naturally, I raise my voice at them. Sometimes, hell a lot of the time, there is cursing involved on my part. But, they know they can't skip them. However, EVIL decided that from day one she is going to interrupt their chores to "just show them something" or whatever else she was planning on doing with them. All the while I am yelling at the kids to do their damn chores, and she knows damn well that is exactly what is going on.
So, it all comes to head. I'm done with her judging my parenting. The girls are supposed to do their chores, I had actually done their chores 3 days in a row for them. I wanted them to only do 2 chores that day. I find out that instead of doing chores, all while I am screaming (and you can hear me across the damn city at this point) for 4+ hours that she has decided to give them fucking ice cream. I am not kidding. She rewarded my children for their bad behavior and basically said to my kids: "Fuck what your mother is telling you to do, I rule this shit...not her."
This is exactly what was said to her: "We don't reward the children when their fucking chores still need to be done." I said this from the doorway in between my living room and kitchen. She was sitting on the couch, watching TV.
I actually did let them finish their ice cream. After done, I was right on them to get their chores done. I checked on them about 30 minutes later, and she was playing with them again in my daughter's room. They were basically just talking to her. So, I checked to see if their rooms were done. They were not. My girls had hidden their mess underneath tables, etc, while SHE WATCHED. I lost it. I started yelling at the kids again, throwing in some phrases like: "I knew it was fucking stupid to give you ice cream." I never addressed her or even called her stupid during my little rant. I made a pile in their hallway, and told them they had 2 minutes to complete it or it all goes into the trash. It was done in less than a minute.
About 2 hours later, my husband texts me from working asking me if I had gotten in SIL's face. Apparently, according to her twisting ass, I had walking up to her with my finger in her face, cursing at her, and calling her stupid. Right. He believed me right off the bat, and I made sure to throw in there for good measure that the kids will vouch for me. I obviously told him that I was yelling at the kids, and he understood...because well, we have been discussing SIL's under minding of BOTH our parenting. The ice cream fiasco was obviously that blatant time I was waiting for, before he finally laid down the law with her.
I do think it is funny that she thought she was going to somehow rat me out to my husband. Aside from, I assume, her wanting him to take her side...she wanted to purposefully make me look bad to him. Funny how it didn't work out that way. He is completely on my side during this latest incident.
The next morning, I wake up to the call from the school. Apparently my youngest didn't make her lunch the night before (her chore), and didn't have a lunch. I also have a text message from SIL. It reads: "**** leaves the baby to cry all morning until 2pm. And doesnt want me 2 get him outta bed" She obviously mistexted that to someone. Mind you, my baby times are not around 2pm. I am getting the kids at 1:30-3pm (sometimes 3:30). His naptime is from 11-2pm. That is not my responsibility. My husband wrote her back, because I told him to handle it before I came home with the kids. This is what he wrote: "SIL you sent that text to ****'s phone. also it's my fault i sometimes forget or turn off the monitor but yeah its my job to fix him while she sleeps. if ou wantt o fix him or notice im not getting up u can if u want". He also had a physical talk with her later about how it wasn't my fault that baby was not up. (My husband has the bad habit of turning off the baby monitor in his sleep. We've been trying to fix that.) My actual baby duty times are easy to figure out.
This is my baby duty times: 10:30am-1pm (his nap time during this is technically my husband's job), 3:30pm-5pm, 7:30pm-3am. I essentially am almost never sleeping due to my other children, and I am currently pregnant (I get about 3 hours of sleep a night/day). I get stuck on baby duty roughly 11.5 hours a day, sometimes more. My girls, I get them up for school and ready lately (not my job due to my husband driving them to school), and get them from 3:30pm until 10:30pm at night, that is roughly 7.5 hours minimum when not awake in the morning. Baby tends to sleep during the early morning and late afternoon, so usually even my husband is sleeping then.
Also, she sent him a text that night saying that I never thanked her for her food stamp money. Bitch. You have been eating my food, and I have been paying for your cigarettes from day one. She has cost me an additional 500 bucks a month, easily. Her $150.00 a month in food stamps is a fucking drop in the goddamn bucket. I HAD been thanking her before, but I definitely wasn't going to now. She OWES us, especially after we kept putting gas in hubby's truck for her to drive to god knows where. My husband tried to straighten her out on that one. I don't think he saw through her shit talking me to him/attempting to ruin his opinion of me, but he definitely doesn't like ANY talk of how we should be grateful to people. We earned our own shit the hard way, thanks.
So, whomever she was talking to...confirmed that she is talking shit about my parenting. I am a terrible mother, and supposedly everything in the world is my fault. I should never ever correct or yell at my kids. My baby should never, ever cry - even when I'm not physically at home.
My husband, I think, is strictly on the fence about this. He doesn't want the drama and has basically been ignoring my complaints. I want it all over with. I assume when she leaves, everything will go back to normal. Thank god. While she is here though, I think boundaries need to be set and maintained. I refuse to talk to her, so I will make my husband referee. He wants to keep the peace, fine. But I pre-warned him, don't be surprised if I just start yelling at her.
Also, the all night/day partying hasn't stopped. Bitch needs to grow the fuck up.
So things that annoy me about her:
- Her talking shit about me behind my back to my husband AND to who knows else. I can't even defend myself, as I don't know what is being said most of the time or to whom.
- Her judging my parenting, when she is not a parent herself and has no idea about fucking responsibility.
- Her attempting to rat me out to my husband like he is my mother or some shit.
- Her insulting me to my husband AND my children. (I caught her once telling the kids not to mind "mommy's temper because she is currently pregnant". Bull fucking shit. They were supposed to be doing something, and after the 10th time of telling them to do it..I was understandably peeved at them)
- Her attempting to steal my TV from me and using it against me as some sort of "selfish fault".
- Her late night/all day partying.
- Her purposefully quitting her job.
- Her obsession with that recovering drug addict. Leave the damn room once in a while. (I had kid #1 ask her if she wanted to play a game, and she left the room for 30 minutes before getting a text from druggie and disappearing again)
- Her avoidance of me. Obviously, I was insulted and my feelings were hurt when she first started doing this.
- Her drama ways and always a victim mentality. She is constantly acting like the world is against her and that the other person (whoever is her current target for slander) is full of shit. "Oh no, they had a fight...I need to somehow make this about me and threaten to leave, etc" ALL for attention.
- Her attention issues. She always has to be #1 in whomever's world. She even messaged some random DJ on facebook and was bitching about how he was engaged to another girl. Bitch, he doesn't know you. You'll be lucky if he responds back to you!
- Her outright lies.
- Her attempting to destroy my marriage and reputation.
- Her insulting me to my face, subtly. Just subtly enough that my husband has no idea what ticked me off until I point it out for him.
- Her playing married couple. They are not married. My children and I come first to him, she needs to learn how to deal with that and learn her place. Even her mother agrees that she doesn't understand her own new marriage, and has issues with this too.
- Not having her own space. She is currently sleeping in my youngest daughter's room. Originally she had an air mattress that had a hole in it, and was going to replace it after getting her first paycheck. I was going to clean out the entire office for her...but she decided not to do that. So, she is constantly holed up in my daughter's room and never leaves it.
- Her constantly texting my husband. This is different from the insult texts she sends him. I usually text my husband when he is working, because it keeps him entertained and it's how we communicate when he is gone for so long. She texts him nonstop all night long. It's extreme and makes it so he doesn't respond to ME.
- Her need to be alpha female in this house. No one can take away the title of mother from me. No female will ever top me in this damn house. She needs to learn her fucking place. What I say, goes. What she says, not important.
- Her eating me out of house and home. This includes my pregnancy only food, WITH "Mom Only" written on it. Her $150.00 does NOT cover her expenses.
- Her ungratefulness. We have done a LOT for her. We opened our home to her, and this is how she is repaying me.
- Her under minding my parenting. This is the top of the list for me. I posted a few specific examples, but she has gone above and beyond trying to basically tell the kids to ignore my/our rules of the house. I am SO done with this shti.
And...the list goes on!
Update: 12/9/14
SIl returned back to GA, where she belongs the day after Thanksgiving. Phew. Husband paid for her plane ticket and she reimbursed him. Double phew. She naturally didn't cover ALL her expenses here, but it was a big help. My husband drove her back to the shuttle (I told him no way was he driving across the snow covered canyon to get her on a plane) very early morning.
However, since she has returned...her dog was killed by a neighbor. She has made numerous facebook posts about how no one noticed, and no one truly cares about her. Her sister (whom I hate) has also made side comments on the posts about how she knows who her TRUE family is. Funny, because we didn't even know her dog has died until she posted that. I told my husband to call her, as it's not MY family but he should at least act like he gives a shit.
She also left a parting gift: The flu. It hit the girls and I hard the night she left. We know it came from her, as she was suffering from it two days prior (infected at a friend's house). The girls got over it in about a day or two. My husband, little man, and I were NOT so lucky. My husband wound up missing two weeks of work while all three of us were recovering. Little man is finally feeling better. I will be better by tomorrow, hopefully. Husband was better two days ago. We all felt like we were dying. It was terrible.
Husband actually wound up missing TOO many days of work, and is no longer working now. None of us could go 15 minutes without either puking or pooping ourselves. We were sleeping almost all day, or as long as possible. So, now he is out of work. I consider this situation a terrorist attack.
Good news though: He is going to apply to the at home position OR get a small part time job for while I am pregnant. We don't super need the money, but it helped out. So, it takes some stress off of him and it's been really nice having him home more - especially since I am not walking so much anymore.
Family coming to stay with us for extended periods is actually nothing new. We live so far away and the pass closes, so people can and most likely WILL get stuck here for a month or two during the winter. Last year, my MIL stayed with us and she was a blessing (amazing woman). This time, however, it has turned into pure and utter hell. Which is ironic because everyone said we would get along fantastic...apparently not so much.
She was mainly coming to stay with us because according to her and her mother, she needed some "straightening out". Mind you, this girl is 28 years old. This past year we had to drive out to Iowa to go get her and save her from an abusive relationship. After packing all 3 kids in the car, when we GOT THERE (18 hour drive)...she called us to tell us to turn back. We were never reimbursed for taking off work, our time, or our gas. We were furious, but tried to remain understanding.
Thus, when she called again and demanded (yes, demanded) that we come get her immediately - my husband told her no. But, we did send some money to her for her other sister to drive out there and get her (she promised to reimburse us). She actually wound up being put into a mental institution for her "depression". (I put that in quotes because really, I don't think it's depression. I think it's just attention needy bitchness. She ONLY claims she is having issues with depression when she is NOT getting her way.) Her sister DID get her, but things spiraled out of control not soon after returning home to live with her mother.
So, she came to stay with us. The goal was to get her out of her home state and around people that weren't basically the scum of the earth. She was apparently going out all nights and partying nonstop. She couldn't hold down a job and actually wasn't paying any bills at her mom's place (even though she promised to). She was basically mooching her way through life and living it up. Her friends were no better and most were drug addicts.
At first, things went along swimmingly. She had some job interviews that didn't pan out, and I dutifully waited in the car for over an hour during each one. So my husband got her a job working with him and started training (3 weeks of sitting in a chair basically) within about a month and a half. We know now, that we should have NEVER referred her for the job. I even let her ass borrow some of my much needed, and never replaced, clothes. I am a size 2, she is easily a size 7 and effectively ruined a maternity pair of pants. She stretched them out, but they were still wearable and I let it go. (She now has this annoying habit of going into whatever closet she wants - like she owns the place, and scouring through it all for whatever she is looking for. Her mother left a jacket here, and the first place she checked was MY closet...which means, she probably stole some of my clothes thinking it was her mom's.)
We watched TOO many horror movies that first month and a half. She dressed up for Halloween and even handed out some candy to kidlets while we trick or treated with ours. It was working out well, and even the issues I had with her...well, they could be ignored for the good of the family. Keep the peace, right? She was helping by watching the kids when we did our grocery shopping and working with my husband (read: waking up at 6am to sit in a chair and LEARN until 3pm). She was being useful. Yes, I know...cold, but very logical of me. She's family, so I let a LOT of things go.
Skip forward to when all the trouble begins. Nov 1st, I remember because it was the day after Halloween and she wanted to go to a party. So, she called up some random dude (whom she had never met IRL and we didn't know) that lived about 45 minutes away in another small town off a highway. She said he was the designated driver and would drop her back off when she was done. So, we settled in for date night at around 6pm and started to watch some movies.
3am comes around and still no sign of her. So, my husband texts her asking if she is okay and gets a drunken slurred response (yes, you CAN tell when someone is drunk texting you). We do eventually get her on the phone, after much nagging of said husband to make sure she was okay. Apparently her designated driver decided to get drunk, as was everyone else at the party. She was contemplating staying there over night or at least a few hours more until she/he sobered up, she had no idea how to get back though (after repeated attempts to explain and even tell her how to use a GPS). This was unacceptable. Obviously, as a parent and concerned family member we had to go get her at 7am (right around when the sun was rising). So, we packed ourselves into the car and drove out to east bumblefuck to rescue SIL.
When we arrived she was stumbling drunk, tried to get into the wrong car (looked nothing like our car), and wouldn't stop talking! She almost slid down into a ditch and fell into a cow manure field. My husband and I basically had to guide her to the car and make sure she got in safely. It was rough. Getting home and dealing with her was rough, too. She basically stayed up and we had to drunk talk to her for about an hour or two before she just passed out. At some point, we thought she died in the bathroom. We gave up on our movie and never finished it. We did attempt to have at least two conversations with her about getting drunk and disappearing. Obviously, those had no effect...because the partying has continued. Her mother tried to talk to her at one point, and that didn't work either. You can tell she also has a drinking problem and we had to hide all narcotics (for my hip) and alcohol in the house.
She started getting more vocal about things after that. She would walk into the living room and declare loudly "Why can't we watch something EVERYONE wants to watch?" Which means, my husband and I had to stop watching our shows together in order for her to watch yet another horror movie (which is basically all she would watch). She is also obsessed with one or five football teams, and would claim the TV every single time one of said teams was playing. No matter if I was listening to my shows while cleaning the house. I caught her having a "conversation" (read: very loud talking shit about me) with my husband while I was doing the dishes about how I am never actually WATCHING the shows...but I need something to listen to or do while I am cleaning the entire house, so fuck you bitch. I'm fairly certain my response to that was something along the lines of: "When you do chores, you can listen to the TV while you do them. Otherwise, they are mundane and a pain in the ass. I'm not a house slave, and I can do what I want in my own house." (Let's not forget the fact that my husband is usually sleeping during this time due to working night shift, so really...I usually have the TV all to myself) I'm sure I said it nicer then that, but that was the jist of my response. I have also caught her purposefully deleting or interrupting my recordings in progress, just so she can do/watch her own shit.
She has called me ignorant about numerous things. Anywhere from relating a childhood story about my friends thinking my family was weird for canning and having food storage. We lived in the north in a major city, so it wasn't exactly very common growing up. Apparently, she had a different experience and decided to "call me out" on it. She tended to do that quite a bit, about almost everything I said. So, I stopped talking so much. She also started calling me Bessy, due to my being pregnant and the way I am walking. My hip is starting/is dislocated again, so I tend to hunch over when walking. It hurts like hell. My husband says that she was joking about that one, and she tried to say she was joking too. Apparently this is how their family jokes around, I get that. But I have the common theory of: If it hurts someone's feelings, it's not a joke. She ran with the Bessy thing for about 2 weeks before she stopped all on her own accord (I believe it's because she wasn't getting a rise out of me). She also told me to my face that I tend to "exaggerate things" aka lie about things. Anyone that knows me knows that I refuse to lie, even if it hurts someone's feelings. My own family knows I record my conversations with them over the phone, because 1) they tend to twist thing around like only narcissist can do, and 2) I had meningitis, so I want to make sure I remember things correctly - which I still struggle with sometimes and am constantly writing things down to remember. I absolutely 100% will NOT lie about shit. I don't like drama, and I have absolutely zero filter on what I say. It is how I live my life. She has also said that my checking my husband's mail (for bills...) is illegal. I corrected her on that about 6 times before she finally stopped. It was just another insult sly from her and her trying to establish how supposedly controlling I am.
Around the time when things went REALLY downhill, my husband and I had a massive argument. It stemmed from my asking him to take out the trash. He is SUPPOSED to do it, but I have been doing it steadily for about 3 years now. Mainly this is because I will fill the trash can FOR him (not my job) and he will forget EVERY SINGLE DAMN TIME to take the can to the curb. So, I do it but I will bitch the whole time while doing it. His only chores in said house are help with the kids when awake, mow lawn (he purposefully doesn't do this either), make dinner, and the trash. Not much if you ask me. I handle the baby roughly 12 hours a day, the girls (2 of them...), their homework, their clothes for school set out for the week, their lunches,all housework, the animals (3 cats, 1 dog), doctors/dentist/vet/school appointments, gifts for their classes, bills (including his), grocery/shopping lists, presents (lately I just finished my Christmas list for the kids), and even my husband's garbage (he likes to leave his shit everywhere). I've even been known to mow the lawn, pull weeds, rake leaves, etc...while pregnant and with a dislocated hip! Yes, it's been done. Hence, I take my chores and running this household seriously. Obviously I do about 99% of the work around this house and demand respect for it. I also demand my husband to do something he is supposed to do when I ask him to do it.
Anyways, so I ASK him to take out the trash while he and she are playing the married couple - making dinner together (this is another thing that drives me nuts, whenever he is around...she attempts to take all his attention away from everyone else - even the kids). That actually used to be mine and my husband's activity, but she essentially took it over. She also sits in my spot at the kitchen table and I have nowhere to sit unless I want to be squished in a chair. So, I've been eating in the living room.
She pipes in, as is her habit to do whenever we are discussing something. She apparently got it into her head that she can somehow get involved in our marital disagreements or rather even our marriage. She has been making random comments for a while now, and this time it was just too much. She pipes up immediately and says that it was taken out - with massive attitude laced in there. So, I say: "Was it taken out to the trash can, because I have been having to do that EVERY day by myself.". She mutters something negative about me to my husband, and that just sets the ball rolling. I make a snippy comment to my husband about how I'm tired of doing the trash myself, when it's his damn job. Naturally after dropping this bomb on us, she disappears.
It turned into him insulting my family and my insulting his lazy sister. She was doing nothing around the house (the things she WOULD do were half-assed and had to be redone), constantly under minding my parenting (more on this in a second), talking shit about me (unproved at the time), and constantly trying to party every weekend (she has done this about 6 times now where she stays out all night and doesn't come back until 15+ hours later with no word from her). We are the type of people that once really stressed, we attack each other. It's never pretty. We always make up and have a normal conversation afterwards...but during the fight is NOT the time to attempt to get involved. It is PURELY between us and a way to blow off steam. We let things build up for so long, that we eventually just snap.
Our marital fight actually wound up going over pretty quickly and we sorted things out. SHE however needed reassuring. I am really not kidding. My husband and I have a fight, and this bitch is in my daughter's room in fucking tears for TWO DAYS about how we supposedly don't want her here. Fucking stupid. We spent TWO DAYS calming this bitch down. According to her, it's because she doesn't have her depression medication (my ass). I think it's just that she was unhappy that her little bomb didn't work the way she had planned it to work. I am furious about this still, as our marital fight is between us and WE need to sort things out TOGETHER - without said involvement from her....and she was REALLY involved.
I kid you not, she even somehow turned our fight into a "I'm going over to random dude's house for the night, and will get a plane ticket asap." "I don't feel welcome here". So, we had to talk her out of such an absurd notion. We spent more time calming her down then we actually did fighting! Her lack of awareness is astounding! Mind you, she admitted to not even knowing we were fighting about our families. She had no idea her name was even mentioned. So, she was basically having a pity party due to a fight that didn't even involve her (I didn't even really say anything mean...just that he could pack his shit and take his sister with him). I even had to sit down in my daughter's room with her and try to get emotionally loving with her. This is rough for me, as I tend to be VERY logical. I sat in there for 2 hours. It was fucking terrible.
After that, she started avoiding the shit outta me. I'm going to assume this is around the time she started insulting me to people other than my husband. I would walk into a room she is in, and she will disappear upstairs to do her own thing - for hours. The only time she would exit said room was to MAYBE go to work, go party, or have my husband alone in another room away from me.
I also got a call from her mother stating that the job wasn't working out and she didn't like getting yelled at on the phone. Which is funny, because SIL never even took a call yet! She also claims that she "doesn't understand anything that is going on". I offered her my old notebooks, which basically says: "This is the error, this is exactly what you do for it". My husband offered to help her. She took neither of us up on our offer. The training is basically teaching computer skills for the completely idiotic people of the world. The training is designed to TEACH you. But, whatever, if the job isn't for her...just get a different one AFTER training. Otherwise, you're JUST sitting there earning money. Easiest money made ever.
About a week later, she decides that instead of randomly just calling out of work - which she had been doing about every other day - she was going to just TELL her boss that she is moving back to her home state soon. What?! (We had no idea this was her plan until she told us this) The boss rightfully fired her on the spot. She was told that she was basically earning an easy paycheck and just ride out the training, but instead...she decides to have the choice taken away from her. Thus, she thought we wouldn't find fault with her or think she is utterly fucking stupid. She was wrong, my husband has been commenting about it for a while now. Even he saw how fucking retarded that was. He is still pissed he referred her and she couldn't make it longer then 2.5 weeks.
My husband went grocery shopping last week, and I asked him to take her with him. I mainly figured her getting out of the house would do a world of good for her depression (that doesn't exist!). I thought she had left, but walked into the living room after doing a load of laundry..and she is sitting there wrapped up in two blankets, wearing a jacket. I asked if she was going with him, and she says no. Okay...are you cold? Yes, she's cold. Bitch, say something then! I turned the heat up to 75 for her (too hot for the baby, but whatever drama queen). But, she HAS to be a victim...I'm sure it's MY fault that the heat was turned to 71 (god forbid!) during the WINTER.
So, skip forward to about 4 days ago. She is still locking herself in my daughter's room. I found out why she wants to go back, too. She met a guy who is a recovering heroin addict and has been sober for 66 days (....that's not a long time). He also admits to choking his girlfriend out for so long that she passed out. Great guy, really. (She excuses this choking a bitch by saying the ex-girlfriend was ALSO a heroin addict...) She basically spend all day/night talking to him or talking shit about me to whoever will listen. I have overheard it a few times now. Her main assault choice is obviously texts, but she can't hide her disdain for me much longer. She finally leaves on the 28th, the day after Thanksgiving.
She's also been purposefully under minding my parenting from day one. I try to explain the rules of the house to her as best as possible and when that doesn't work I attempt to NOT send my husband to speak to her...but when it's really blatant, something NEEDS to be said. I have been mainly biding my time until it's blatantly obvious to my husband. I don't want to stir up drama when it's not that big of a deal.
The girls, myself, and my husband get vicious when we play games. Sometimes there is cursing involved and a lot of insults. We are allowed to curse, but not around Dad or in public. Apparently, SIL thinks she should be on that list too. I call bullshit, you're not higher on the pecking order than myself or their father. Don't like it? Leave the fucking room. The only time they aren't allowed to curse is when Dad is around or in public. Otherwise, have at it. Just don't get NASTY with each other, and especially not cursing AT each other. That is the rule. SIL does not agree with this, yet she has obviously done the opposite in her actions with me.
When my ex-husband visited for Halloween, even he was angry (and he's never really around) about the way she was acting. The girls were playing a game with all of us for family night, and one of them had to go to the bathroom. Bitch SIL pokes her head outside of the door and tells my kids to shut up. Uh, no. It's not their bedtime, they can be as loud as they want. She has done this numerous times since. Once my daughter was taking a shower at 8:45pm (bedtime weekdays is 10:30, and weekends - except Sun - is around 11:30), she told my daughter to stop singing in the shower! Oh man. I was livid. But, I still didn't say anything directly to her. Later she will ask me exactly WHEN the kids go to bed, because you know...I'm a terrible parent who just lets them run wild all the time. This is yet another sly dig at my parenting. It is also NOT up to her to tell them when to be quiet, when SHE doesn't NEED her sleep (she supposedly also has sleeping issues and takes MY pills to go to sleep). The rest of us need our sleep, and it is up to US to tell them when they are being TOO loud (which does happen, but NOT when she is lecturing them).
So, my kids have chores. I am teaching them responsibility. They are not allowed to play or do anything fun until their chores are finished. If I have to repeat myself, or ride them to get it done...naturally, I raise my voice at them. Sometimes, hell a lot of the time, there is cursing involved on my part. But, they know they can't skip them. However, EVIL decided that from day one she is going to interrupt their chores to "just show them something" or whatever else she was planning on doing with them. All the while I am yelling at the kids to do their damn chores, and she knows damn well that is exactly what is going on.
So, it all comes to head. I'm done with her judging my parenting. The girls are supposed to do their chores, I had actually done their chores 3 days in a row for them. I wanted them to only do 2 chores that day. I find out that instead of doing chores, all while I am screaming (and you can hear me across the damn city at this point) for 4+ hours that she has decided to give them fucking ice cream. I am not kidding. She rewarded my children for their bad behavior and basically said to my kids: "Fuck what your mother is telling you to do, I rule this shit...not her."
This is exactly what was said to her: "We don't reward the children when their fucking chores still need to be done." I said this from the doorway in between my living room and kitchen. She was sitting on the couch, watching TV.
I actually did let them finish their ice cream. After done, I was right on them to get their chores done. I checked on them about 30 minutes later, and she was playing with them again in my daughter's room. They were basically just talking to her. So, I checked to see if their rooms were done. They were not. My girls had hidden their mess underneath tables, etc, while SHE WATCHED. I lost it. I started yelling at the kids again, throwing in some phrases like: "I knew it was fucking stupid to give you ice cream." I never addressed her or even called her stupid during my little rant. I made a pile in their hallway, and told them they had 2 minutes to complete it or it all goes into the trash. It was done in less than a minute.
About 2 hours later, my husband texts me from working asking me if I had gotten in SIL's face. Apparently, according to her twisting ass, I had walking up to her with my finger in her face, cursing at her, and calling her stupid. Right. He believed me right off the bat, and I made sure to throw in there for good measure that the kids will vouch for me. I obviously told him that I was yelling at the kids, and he understood...because well, we have been discussing SIL's under minding of BOTH our parenting. The ice cream fiasco was obviously that blatant time I was waiting for, before he finally laid down the law with her.
I do think it is funny that she thought she was going to somehow rat me out to my husband. Aside from, I assume, her wanting him to take her side...she wanted to purposefully make me look bad to him. Funny how it didn't work out that way. He is completely on my side during this latest incident.
The next morning, I wake up to the call from the school. Apparently my youngest didn't make her lunch the night before (her chore), and didn't have a lunch. I also have a text message from SIL. It reads: "**** leaves the baby to cry all morning until 2pm. And doesnt want me 2 get him outta bed" She obviously mistexted that to someone. Mind you, my baby times are not around 2pm. I am getting the kids at 1:30-3pm (sometimes 3:30). His naptime is from 11-2pm. That is not my responsibility. My husband wrote her back, because I told him to handle it before I came home with the kids. This is what he wrote: "SIL you sent that text to ****'s phone. also it's my fault i sometimes forget or turn off the monitor but yeah its my job to fix him while she sleeps. if ou wantt o fix him or notice im not getting up u can if u want". He also had a physical talk with her later about how it wasn't my fault that baby was not up. (My husband has the bad habit of turning off the baby monitor in his sleep. We've been trying to fix that.) My actual baby duty times are easy to figure out.
This is my baby duty times: 10:30am-1pm (his nap time during this is technically my husband's job), 3:30pm-5pm, 7:30pm-3am. I essentially am almost never sleeping due to my other children, and I am currently pregnant (I get about 3 hours of sleep a night/day). I get stuck on baby duty roughly 11.5 hours a day, sometimes more. My girls, I get them up for school and ready lately (not my job due to my husband driving them to school), and get them from 3:30pm until 10:30pm at night, that is roughly 7.5 hours minimum when not awake in the morning. Baby tends to sleep during the early morning and late afternoon, so usually even my husband is sleeping then.
Also, she sent him a text that night saying that I never thanked her for her food stamp money. Bitch. You have been eating my food, and I have been paying for your cigarettes from day one. She has cost me an additional 500 bucks a month, easily. Her $150.00 a month in food stamps is a fucking drop in the goddamn bucket. I HAD been thanking her before, but I definitely wasn't going to now. She OWES us, especially after we kept putting gas in hubby's truck for her to drive to god knows where. My husband tried to straighten her out on that one. I don't think he saw through her shit talking me to him/attempting to ruin his opinion of me, but he definitely doesn't like ANY talk of how we should be grateful to people. We earned our own shit the hard way, thanks.
So, whomever she was talking to...confirmed that she is talking shit about my parenting. I am a terrible mother, and supposedly everything in the world is my fault. I should never ever correct or yell at my kids. My baby should never, ever cry - even when I'm not physically at home.
My husband, I think, is strictly on the fence about this. He doesn't want the drama and has basically been ignoring my complaints. I want it all over with. I assume when she leaves, everything will go back to normal. Thank god. While she is here though, I think boundaries need to be set and maintained. I refuse to talk to her, so I will make my husband referee. He wants to keep the peace, fine. But I pre-warned him, don't be surprised if I just start yelling at her.
Also, the all night/day partying hasn't stopped. Bitch needs to grow the fuck up.
So things that annoy me about her:
- Her talking shit about me behind my back to my husband AND to who knows else. I can't even defend myself, as I don't know what is being said most of the time or to whom.
- Her judging my parenting, when she is not a parent herself and has no idea about fucking responsibility.
- Her attempting to rat me out to my husband like he is my mother or some shit.
- Her insulting me to my husband AND my children. (I caught her once telling the kids not to mind "mommy's temper because she is currently pregnant". Bull fucking shit. They were supposed to be doing something, and after the 10th time of telling them to do it..I was understandably peeved at them)
- Her attempting to steal my TV from me and using it against me as some sort of "selfish fault".
- Her late night/all day partying.
- Her purposefully quitting her job.
- Her obsession with that recovering drug addict. Leave the damn room once in a while. (I had kid #1 ask her if she wanted to play a game, and she left the room for 30 minutes before getting a text from druggie and disappearing again)
- Her avoidance of me. Obviously, I was insulted and my feelings were hurt when she first started doing this.
- Her drama ways and always a victim mentality. She is constantly acting like the world is against her and that the other person (whoever is her current target for slander) is full of shit. "Oh no, they had a fight...I need to somehow make this about me and threaten to leave, etc" ALL for attention.
- Her attention issues. She always has to be #1 in whomever's world. She even messaged some random DJ on facebook and was bitching about how he was engaged to another girl. Bitch, he doesn't know you. You'll be lucky if he responds back to you!
- Her outright lies.
- Her attempting to destroy my marriage and reputation.
- Her insulting me to my face, subtly. Just subtly enough that my husband has no idea what ticked me off until I point it out for him.
- Her playing married couple. They are not married. My children and I come first to him, she needs to learn how to deal with that and learn her place. Even her mother agrees that she doesn't understand her own new marriage, and has issues with this too.
- Not having her own space. She is currently sleeping in my youngest daughter's room. Originally she had an air mattress that had a hole in it, and was going to replace it after getting her first paycheck. I was going to clean out the entire office for her...but she decided not to do that. So, she is constantly holed up in my daughter's room and never leaves it.
- Her constantly texting my husband. This is different from the insult texts she sends him. I usually text my husband when he is working, because it keeps him entertained and it's how we communicate when he is gone for so long. She texts him nonstop all night long. It's extreme and makes it so he doesn't respond to ME.
- Her need to be alpha female in this house. No one can take away the title of mother from me. No female will ever top me in this damn house. She needs to learn her fucking place. What I say, goes. What she says, not important.
- Her eating me out of house and home. This includes my pregnancy only food, WITH "Mom Only" written on it. Her $150.00 does NOT cover her expenses.
- Her ungratefulness. We have done a LOT for her. We opened our home to her, and this is how she is repaying me.
- Her under minding my parenting. This is the top of the list for me. I posted a few specific examples, but she has gone above and beyond trying to basically tell the kids to ignore my/our rules of the house. I am SO done with this shti.
And...the list goes on!
Update: 12/9/14
SIl returned back to GA, where she belongs the day after Thanksgiving. Phew. Husband paid for her plane ticket and she reimbursed him. Double phew. She naturally didn't cover ALL her expenses here, but it was a big help. My husband drove her back to the shuttle (I told him no way was he driving across the snow covered canyon to get her on a plane) very early morning.
However, since she has returned...her dog was killed by a neighbor. She has made numerous facebook posts about how no one noticed, and no one truly cares about her. Her sister (whom I hate) has also made side comments on the posts about how she knows who her TRUE family is. Funny, because we didn't even know her dog has died until she posted that. I told my husband to call her, as it's not MY family but he should at least act like he gives a shit.
She also left a parting gift: The flu. It hit the girls and I hard the night she left. We know it came from her, as she was suffering from it two days prior (infected at a friend's house). The girls got over it in about a day or two. My husband, little man, and I were NOT so lucky. My husband wound up missing two weeks of work while all three of us were recovering. Little man is finally feeling better. I will be better by tomorrow, hopefully. Husband was better two days ago. We all felt like we were dying. It was terrible.
Husband actually wound up missing TOO many days of work, and is no longer working now. None of us could go 15 minutes without either puking or pooping ourselves. We were sleeping almost all day, or as long as possible. So, now he is out of work. I consider this situation a terrorist attack.
Good news though: He is going to apply to the at home position OR get a small part time job for while I am pregnant. We don't super need the money, but it helped out. So, it takes some stress off of him and it's been really nice having him home more - especially since I am not walking so much anymore.
Monday, November 3, 2014
Husband's Co-Worker Arrested - Negligent Homicide
My husband works the late shift at a call center (7:20pm-6:15am) with about 6 other people. He has a coworker who recently had been in an accident after getting off from his shift (he works the same shift as my husband). The guy he works with is a total dick (my husband has always disliked him but my husband was always too nice to get him to go away). Everyone hates him now, obviously.
Okay, so according to my husband (friends, Kalin, and newspapers) here is the jist of what happened the night/morning of the accident (Sept 25th, 2014):
Kalin went into work but kept falling asleep at his desk. So, all of the people near him kept poking/shaking him awake and he kept repetitively falling asleep. If you fall asleep at your desk, you get a point (10-12 and you are fired). He had 9 points at the time, so they kept waking him up so the Team Leader wouldn't see. Eventually, right before the end of shift, the TL does see and writes Kalin up for it. Even getting written up didn't phase Kalin, because he still continued to fall asleep afterwards. This was completely unlike him and had never happened before.
Kalin gets off shift and apparently falls asleep at the wheel. At around 6:30am, he hits a jeep that is turning in the left turn lane while he is in the left straight lane. (He basically clips the back right of the jeep) The jeep does a big u-turn and gets hit by an on-coming pick up truck. This happened on the only major road out of our tiny town. It was within minutes of the call center (~5 minutes). Kalin was driving a silver mini-van.
Here's where it gets fucked up...Kalin takes zero responsibility for the accident. He refuses to admit that he fell asleep (in the car or at work), even though everyone pretty much figured it out and basically SAW him falling asleep. He tells the cops that there was something wrong with his steering, and that is why he hit the jeep. So, the cops have to investigate...and it takes a LONG time to investigate (over 2 months) before people finally get fed up with his lies.
The guy he hit? Well, he died on impact. He had 2 kids. He wasn't wearing a seat belt. The pickup truck that hit the jeep (from opposing traffic) is destroyed but the driver is alive. Kalin had only a bruise on his chest from hitting the steering wheel. All 3 vehicles were demolished, basically.
So, while the cops are investigating...the coworkers (and hubby) are trying to figure out what to do with the information they keep getting from Kalin. But, they are all pretty much disgusted with him. It's one thing to make an honest mistake and fall asleep at the wheel (the dude KNEW he was too tired to work, let alone drive). What pissed everyone off was his attitude afterwards.
(People even offered to drive him home, but he refused. Everyone at work, hubby included, feels guilty about what happened...but they couldn't force Kalin NOT to drive when he is a grown adult. Hubby even called the cops right after Kalin left about him driving erratically, but they never pulled Kalin over. It looks like they never even responded to the 911 call he placed.)
Not only did the guy act like it wasn't a big deal, but he kept making comments like: "Oh, they won't charge me" "They have nothing on me!" Things like that. Basically acting like the complete dick that we all knew he was. His attitude about it pissed everyone off at work so bad, that they all ratted him out about how he was definitely falling asleep at work (and wasn't anymore awake before he left). So, they all did and he was arrested within 48 hours (October 31st, 2014). **I assume he most likely would not have been charged until people came forwards**
The cops actually DID walk into the call center and arrested him on the spot. He was cuffed and put into a squad car immediately, and transferred to the local jail for holding.
The charges include: Negligent homicide (Class A Misdemeanor) and Operating a Vehicle W/out Insurance (moving violation). His punishment will most likely be: Up to one year in jail, Up to $2,500 (for the AM) and we're unsure of what it will be for w/out a license (he could lose it forever).
My husband is just happy that he won't have to see him for at least 6 months, and he's finally getting punished for what happened. All of us are actually left feeling like Kalin actually deserves to get MORE time for what he did...but we understand that is not likely.
Here's his booking information - http://i.imgur.com/95MWNSP.jpg
The original news story on it (other sites might of copied this information, but didn't have as much detail) - http://www.cachevalleydaily.com/news/local/article_86cf9a9e-44b9-11e4-8145-0017a43b2370.html
The original article says that Kalin got into the turn lane, but that's not accurate. Kalin told coworkers and my husband that he fell asleep while in the straight lane, and somehow managed to hit the guy. Kalin doesn't remember falling asleep, but he remembers bits/pieces before and after. He does remember right after he hit the jeep, he remembers waking up to the "little bump" (it was far from little, Kalin was going around 50 mph).
His facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/kalin.menlove.5?fref=ts
No one knows why Kalin was passing out at work, he never said. He still refuses to accept responsibility (he is currently out on bail but not at work). Coworkers (and hubby) are due to testify about his behavior before/after the accident (we are hoping this won't be required though). I told my husband to spare no details about the type of person Kalin REALLY is when he went in with his side of Kalin's actions, and if possible to tell Purser's family how very sorry we are for their loss.
Update:
Local news have picked up the story again. Here is a semi-update on it. http://www.ksl.com/?sid=32213669&nid=
According to Kalin's interview (he IS still currently in jail), he had not slept for close to 72 hours before the accident. He only had about 3 hours of sleep in the 72 hours prior. He assumed that he could stay awake with energy drinks. Supposedly, he was driving without a license, too (this is unconfirmed...). Supposedly he was also working 2 jobs at the time, though none of my husband's coworkers remember him saying such a thing. (We think it's a bullshit excuse) Kalin had never had an issue falling asleep at work before this, so we're not sure...
There is an interview with the widow, and as you can see from the comments...he DID have two kids. Once again, we are VERY sorry for their loss and hope Kalin remains in prison for a very long time.
Update 2017:
http://www.cachevalleydaily.com/news/local/article_6fce6f1e-d75b-11e6-bdef-fbe7f7676686.html
The trial has been postponed. He is still fighting the case, claiming now that he looked over his shoulder to swap lanes and accidentally rear-ended the other driver. He still looks the same as he did before...
http://news.hjnews.com/allaccess/attorney-asks-judge-to-dismiss-manslaughter-case/article_fca890a2-9b5b-5c4e-8128-d7b0b3c6322d.html
The judge was also asked to dismiss the manslaughter case. This will be decided on Feb 7th.
http://news.hjnews.com/allaccess/judge-hears-testimony-in-drowsy-driving-manslaughter-case/article_032bb765-939c-5af8-ae19-0f600ce20a3c.html
Several of the coworkers have been testifying against him. The card game they were playing was Magic the Gathering, my husband is the one that started the tradition of playing the game during low call volumes.
http://www.sltrib.com/home/3082255-155/court-hearing-man-had-slept-3
Another report on it. My husband and the rest of the "team" all sat in the same bay. So, all of the coworkers' statements are the same to police (basically).
As shown in my comments below, my husband has already spoke with police and we are barely involved. The prosecutor should really interrogate the witnesses about his attitude at work AFTER the crash happened, because Kalin did continue to show up to work until he was fired. He did a lot of talking at work about the accident, and showed very little remorse.
Okay, so according to my husband (friends, Kalin, and newspapers) here is the jist of what happened the night/morning of the accident (Sept 25th, 2014):
Kalin went into work but kept falling asleep at his desk. So, all of the people near him kept poking/shaking him awake and he kept repetitively falling asleep. If you fall asleep at your desk, you get a point (10-12 and you are fired). He had 9 points at the time, so they kept waking him up so the Team Leader wouldn't see. Eventually, right before the end of shift, the TL does see and writes Kalin up for it. Even getting written up didn't phase Kalin, because he still continued to fall asleep afterwards. This was completely unlike him and had never happened before.
Kalin gets off shift and apparently falls asleep at the wheel. At around 6:30am, he hits a jeep that is turning in the left turn lane while he is in the left straight lane. (He basically clips the back right of the jeep) The jeep does a big u-turn and gets hit by an on-coming pick up truck. This happened on the only major road out of our tiny town. It was within minutes of the call center (~5 minutes). Kalin was driving a silver mini-van.
Here's where it gets fucked up...Kalin takes zero responsibility for the accident. He refuses to admit that he fell asleep (in the car or at work), even though everyone pretty much figured it out and basically SAW him falling asleep. He tells the cops that there was something wrong with his steering, and that is why he hit the jeep. So, the cops have to investigate...and it takes a LONG time to investigate (over 2 months) before people finally get fed up with his lies.
The guy he hit? Well, he died on impact. He had 2 kids. He wasn't wearing a seat belt. The pickup truck that hit the jeep (from opposing traffic) is destroyed but the driver is alive. Kalin had only a bruise on his chest from hitting the steering wheel. All 3 vehicles were demolished, basically.
So, while the cops are investigating...the coworkers (and hubby) are trying to figure out what to do with the information they keep getting from Kalin. But, they are all pretty much disgusted with him. It's one thing to make an honest mistake and fall asleep at the wheel (the dude KNEW he was too tired to work, let alone drive). What pissed everyone off was his attitude afterwards.
(People even offered to drive him home, but he refused. Everyone at work, hubby included, feels guilty about what happened...but they couldn't force Kalin NOT to drive when he is a grown adult. Hubby even called the cops right after Kalin left about him driving erratically, but they never pulled Kalin over. It looks like they never even responded to the 911 call he placed.)
Not only did the guy act like it wasn't a big deal, but he kept making comments like: "Oh, they won't charge me" "They have nothing on me!" Things like that. Basically acting like the complete dick that we all knew he was. His attitude about it pissed everyone off at work so bad, that they all ratted him out about how he was definitely falling asleep at work (and wasn't anymore awake before he left). So, they all did and he was arrested within 48 hours (October 31st, 2014). **I assume he most likely would not have been charged until people came forwards**
The cops actually DID walk into the call center and arrested him on the spot. He was cuffed and put into a squad car immediately, and transferred to the local jail for holding.
The charges include: Negligent homicide (Class A Misdemeanor) and Operating a Vehicle W/out Insurance (moving violation). His punishment will most likely be: Up to one year in jail, Up to $2,500 (for the AM) and we're unsure of what it will be for w/out a license (he could lose it forever).
My husband is just happy that he won't have to see him for at least 6 months, and he's finally getting punished for what happened. All of us are actually left feeling like Kalin actually deserves to get MORE time for what he did...but we understand that is not likely.
Here's his booking information - http://i.imgur.com/95MWNSP.jpg
The original news story on it (other sites might of copied this information, but didn't have as much detail) - http://www.cachevalleydaily.com/news/local/article_86cf9a9e-44b9-11e4-8145-0017a43b2370.html
The original article says that Kalin got into the turn lane, but that's not accurate. Kalin told coworkers and my husband that he fell asleep while in the straight lane, and somehow managed to hit the guy. Kalin doesn't remember falling asleep, but he remembers bits/pieces before and after. He does remember right after he hit the jeep, he remembers waking up to the "little bump" (it was far from little, Kalin was going around 50 mph).
His facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/kalin.menlove.5?fref=ts
No one knows why Kalin was passing out at work, he never said. He still refuses to accept responsibility (he is currently out on bail but not at work). Coworkers (and hubby) are due to testify about his behavior before/after the accident (we are hoping this won't be required though). I told my husband to spare no details about the type of person Kalin REALLY is when he went in with his side of Kalin's actions, and if possible to tell Purser's family how very sorry we are for their loss.
Update:
Local news have picked up the story again. Here is a semi-update on it. http://www.ksl.com/?sid=32213669&nid=
According to Kalin's interview (he IS still currently in jail), he had not slept for close to 72 hours before the accident. He only had about 3 hours of sleep in the 72 hours prior. He assumed that he could stay awake with energy drinks. Supposedly, he was driving without a license, too (this is unconfirmed...). Supposedly he was also working 2 jobs at the time, though none of my husband's coworkers remember him saying such a thing. (We think it's a bullshit excuse) Kalin had never had an issue falling asleep at work before this, so we're not sure...
There is an interview with the widow, and as you can see from the comments...he DID have two kids. Once again, we are VERY sorry for their loss and hope Kalin remains in prison for a very long time.
Update 2017:
http://www.cachevalleydaily.com/news/local/article_6fce6f1e-d75b-11e6-bdef-fbe7f7676686.html
The trial has been postponed. He is still fighting the case, claiming now that he looked over his shoulder to swap lanes and accidentally rear-ended the other driver. He still looks the same as he did before...
http://news.hjnews.com/allaccess/attorney-asks-judge-to-dismiss-manslaughter-case/article_fca890a2-9b5b-5c4e-8128-d7b0b3c6322d.html
The judge was also asked to dismiss the manslaughter case. This will be decided on Feb 7th.
http://news.hjnews.com/allaccess/judge-hears-testimony-in-drowsy-driving-manslaughter-case/article_032bb765-939c-5af8-ae19-0f600ce20a3c.html
Several of the coworkers have been testifying against him. The card game they were playing was Magic the Gathering, my husband is the one that started the tradition of playing the game during low call volumes.
http://www.sltrib.com/home/3082255-155/court-hearing-man-had-slept-3
Another report on it. My husband and the rest of the "team" all sat in the same bay. So, all of the coworkers' statements are the same to police (basically).
As shown in my comments below, my husband has already spoke with police and we are barely involved. The prosecutor should really interrogate the witnesses about his attitude at work AFTER the crash happened, because Kalin did continue to show up to work until he was fired. He did a lot of talking at work about the accident, and showed very little remorse.
Thursday, October 23, 2014
14 Week Down Syndrome Blood Test
I recently found out I was pregnant, and boy was that a shock. I did the usual blood test at the 14 week mark, and it came back bad. I called my doctor back to get the results and she started in on a litany of reasons why I needed to see a geneticist immediately (one being that I am currently over 30??). According to her, I had a 1 in 30 chance of having a child with down syndrome due to my results. She made this seem like a dire situation and that my new baby will definitely have down syndrome. She asked if I would like to terminate, and I said yes (I just spit it out, not even thinking).
I know having a child with down syndrome would severely test my family, and as a just in case - since we hadn't of even known down syndrome was "on the table" before now...I wanted to make sure I was getting all the information needed, before deciding. So, being put on the spot...I said terminate. I mean, really, I want to keep my options open.
I actually don't believe in abortion for myself. I don't think I could ever go through with it, it would severely mess me up for the rest of my life (mentally). I do know that my husband is of the type to say: "We can't afford a down syndrome child, and think of our other kids...plus this new one. Who would take care of the kidlet when we died? We'd be essentially destroying this new child's life (due to having down syndrome) and our current children's lives by forcing their sibling onto them to care for." He made some good points, but I still doubt I could/will go through with it.
So, after stating what I would do...I was immediately sent to a nurse/receptionist to schedule seeing our geneticist. I had to inform said nurse/receptionist of my intentions (still not even decided), and she lost it on me. I am destroying a life, how dare I even get pregnant...yadda yadda. I was already thinking all of that, and it hasn't even been decided whether or not it has DS yet. But, way to make me feel terrible about a PERSONAL ON THE SPOT DECISION!
Naturally, here in this state...there is something in the water with children having special needs kids or medical issues with their children. The town we live in, they actually demolished all 3 High Schools. One of which, is being turned into a special needs ONLY school. It's a tiny town, too. So, we see special needs kids all the time and have had lengthy discussions on whether we could live/handle/raise a special needs child. I am really not sure I could allow myself to bring a child into this world, KNOWING the quality of life they'd live would be just TERRIBLE...but that is me. However, we see it ALL the time and are constantly reminded about what *could* happen...it is not a good feeling/situation to have to be in.
So, I let the nurse rail at me...but find out the doctor here in town is fully booked until Nov. 12th (and only is in office on Wednesdays). Thus, that would put me well past the 20 week mark (and really, I don't trust that nurse/receptionist to not lie to me about him being booked, just for her own personal beliefs). In this state, there is actually a special clause in their legislature stating that if you are past 20 weeks...and your child is diagnosed with down syndrome, that you CANNOT terminate. According to the powers that be, the quality of life of a DS child is NOT that devastating and we should "deal with it". I am not in agreement with that. If you truly cannot handle a special needs child and know beforehand that it will 100% be a special needs child...it is your personal family decision. Not all families would be able to lovingly raise a special needs child, including probably mine.
(Side note: After we set up the appointment, I started having nightmares about giving birth to a living baby and the abortion clinic suffocating my living child. Then I started having nightmares about giving birth to a dead baby.)
So, today, I had my appointment in another town (3 hours away). When we first entered the room, a nurse did an ultrasound on me. She was surprised I was even getting on and we were unsure as to why. My husband and I assume it is because the hospital/nurse/receptionist that set up the appointment is VERY pro-life...so, I am guessing after her flip out on me that she wanted me to "see" the baby I was going to kill. Awesome.
But, ultrasounds do nothing for me. Holding my baby is how I bond with it...until then, who knows if I will miscarry or what...so I try to stay detached as possible. Not all mothers are like this. I actually get creeped out by ultrasounds. I also am a big believer in my baby in my tummy being a parasite. Sure, I will connect with it...but not go "ooh" and "ahhh" during an ultrasound. Just does nothing for me.
I saw a fantastic guy. He told me that actually the type of test that was used is supposed to be used during the week 14-16 mark and that it had been done REALLY early (on the exact day I turned 14 weeks, actually). He said my chances were actually 1 in 69 and more like 1.5%. So, not as bad as originally described - at all.
He also told us that the test that was done was not even close to being accurate. That he was surprised I was referred at all. However, if done correctly (and this test wasn't originally done correctly) it can be about 80% accurate and is mainly based off the hormones in my body (which have been wonky for a long time). He suggested we take another test to check for additional chromosomes in my blood that contain the baby's dna, too. This new test is 99% accurate and almost impossible to mess up.
I did the test. They actually made me watch the 7 vials of blood being drawn (I am terrible with my own blood), and make sure that it was being done correctly. So, after a total 6 hour drive and 4.5 hour appointment...we are home. Finally.
So, we are currently awaiting the results. It will take a week more. It costs about $1,000 without insurance but the company doing the test is going to only charge us $200. Phew. Not that bad. We have 1 week for the test results, and are sitting here biting our nails. If I don't receive a call by next Thurs, I will call on Halloween and get the results.
We are still undecided on what to do. We don't even have a history of defects in either of our families, dating back hundreds of years. So, we aren't really sure WHERE this came from, let alone how to handle it.
By the time we get the test results, I will be 18 weeks pregnant and have two weeks to make a decision. I am stressed beyond belief and worried. I also is a high chance of being another boy. Naturally, the baby is super tiny...but the ultrasound technician guessed that it was a boy. So, we'll see.
I will get a LOT of hate for this post. I haven't told my own family yet and if the time comes to terminate, I will tell them I had a miscarriage instead. But, I haven't decided yet, still. It is a sad time when the truth cannot be let out, just because of judgmental assholes. Sure, you may have a special needs child yourself...but that doesn't mean I HAVE to have one too or that I should let you sway my decision.
Not many people realize how big of a decision this nor how it would negatively effect our family. We have the money for another child, but not for a special needs child. We have the love for another child, no matter what...but it will really negatively effect our other children for the rest of their lives. I'm not sure I want to put my entire family's future in jeopardy just because my medication cancelled out my birth control. This child would not receive the best opportunities/life because of their condition. This is a VERY hard decision.
But, as I said, we are currently still weighing the pros/cons and trying to decide what to do. Who knows...the kidlet might not even have down syndrome at all. I am SO done with having kids after this.
I also feel like I am "playing God". I don't like this situation, especially since I tend to be a VERY logical person not swayed by emotions (most of the time). I just don't know if I could handle, or my children (when grown) could handle a perpetual child. What about all of the money involved in physical therapy, doctors, etc? What about how this child would be bullied or seen as stupid 24-7?
PS. I have also been spending a LOT of time researching down syndrome, and feel fully prepared to discuss our options when/if the time comes. My best friend has a cousin (that he takes care of) with down syndrome. He understands exactly how difficult it can be on a family. He is not mad at me for deciding whether to terminate or not. His aunt even talked to me about it, and she is in agreement that if she had known (yeah, she's a terrible person! pfft...she loves her daughter to death) that she wouldn't of had a special needs child. She said that she didn't believe in abortion, and knew that it would really negatively effect her family and herself...but still kept the baby. She said that while she loves her daughter to death, she has been miserable with her choice ever since. I can understand her feelings on this. That doesn't make her a terrible person for admitting she might have done things differently. She is a fantastic mother to her DS daughter, but she was effectively FORCED into it - without a choice.
Also, one of the major problems with our decision is that we wouldn't even know the full effect or how "bad" the child's down syndrome would be until AFTER birth. There are varying degrees, and the severe degree is just TERRIBLE.
One of the worst parts is: my eldest daughter has claimed the new baby as her baby. My youngest claimed my 9 month old son already. They know I am pregnant. I might need to break the news to them that either we terminated or the new baby is very sick...
Update: Results came back, finally. I called back on that Monday (6 business days later) and the nurse told me to call back again on that Friday (10 business days later). I called on Thursday, and the geneticist said we have nothing to worry about. 100% free and clear of any type of abnormalities in the Maternit21 test. I am scheduled for another in depth ultrasound (3 hours away) in about 3 weeks. We assume nothing will go wrong, as the actual test is more accurate then the ultrasound.
Also, we were told it is most likely a girl. Phew. So much stress gone. (Side note: geneticist and my sister were both PISSED that I had basically wasted my time with such a very LOW chance of the baby having DS. The results came back to be about 1 in 25,000 of having DS. So both were pissed the OB made me worry for so long over basically nothing. I'm just happy to know and happy it's over with.)
Update: 12/9/14
I did wind up getting the results, obviously. I also went to my scheduled ultrasound, at exactly 19 weeks and 5 days (2 days shy of the cut off for an abortion, and it IS listed in my chart so others know). Did you know it was possible to piss of a super gay ultrasound technician in a hallway? Well, now you know you CAN and it takes very LITTLE effort.
I showed up at my appointment 20 minutes early, as always. We waited over 45 minutes AFTER my appointment time to actually be called in. This is actually unsual. We usually don't have to wait long at all to get seen for an appointment that was made WELL in advance. Good thing hubby and I both always bring books with us to read.
I found out while waiting that we owed our geneticist $89.00 for our previous appointment with him, and for some reason the hospital was once again trying to double dip. They didn't even attempt to call my insurance - again - and were trying to get me to pay the money AS WELL AS CHARGE MY INSURANCE. This is insurance fraud. I am not a fan of it.
So, we are walking down the hallway and the ultrasound technician tells us basically what he will be doing. Well, no shit. I made sure to mention exactly what my doctor told me to say: "We are also checking for any additional signs of down syndrome, as we just came back from the geneticist and were told to look for any strange markings." The doctor was still unsure as to why the original blood test came back so abnormal, so we were triple checking just to make sure. Simple, right? Apparently, not.
He loses his shit. I mean just LOSES IT. Starts flipping out in the middle of the hallway (arms flailing, etc), with people passing us, about how he is ONLY checking for a healthy baby. Huh? No shit. I just need to know if there will be a cleft lip, hole in the heart, etc. Additional markings for Down Syndrome (duh). He continues flipping out about how down syndrome isn't a death sentence and is STILL a health baby. (That is a matter of opinion, but whatever.)
I start to walk away and my husband grabs my arm. He tells me not to leave, because we need this appointment and are running out of time. Sadly, my husband had a point - so I stayed. Finally, I stated very firmly: "You do realize you are screaming at me in the middle of a hallway, yes?" Ultrasound guy goes off on a tangent again about "healthy baby" (....okay....). My husband steps in and says, "We understand you will be looking for a health baby, we are looking for a healthy baby too. We just want to make absolutely sure that there are no health concerns to be dealt with later." (IE: Check for the stuff we want, and do your job...stop flipping out). Guy instantly calms down about 10 notches and walks us into the ultrasound room.
When we got IN the room, it was like night and day. He was super nice to my husband. Ignored me completely, like I wasn't even there. All questions or comments were directed at my hubby. What an asshole. I'm not just a fucking incubator. (Oh and he also thought we were first time parents, when he heard this is #4...he started to be even more nice to my husband.)
It turned out there are no health concerns either. No issues with heart, heart beat, cleft lip, too large nuchal fold, etc. So all that fuss? Just because he had to do his damn job. Yes, it is a girl, it was confirmed with asshole ultrasound technician.
We are happy with the results, but unhappy with how we were treated. My husband swears I swear a special perfume that attracts nutjobs. I am starting to believe him about that.
I know having a child with down syndrome would severely test my family, and as a just in case - since we hadn't of even known down syndrome was "on the table" before now...I wanted to make sure I was getting all the information needed, before deciding. So, being put on the spot...I said terminate. I mean, really, I want to keep my options open.
I actually don't believe in abortion for myself. I don't think I could ever go through with it, it would severely mess me up for the rest of my life (mentally). I do know that my husband is of the type to say: "We can't afford a down syndrome child, and think of our other kids...plus this new one. Who would take care of the kidlet when we died? We'd be essentially destroying this new child's life (due to having down syndrome) and our current children's lives by forcing their sibling onto them to care for." He made some good points, but I still doubt I could/will go through with it.
So, after stating what I would do...I was immediately sent to a nurse/receptionist to schedule seeing our geneticist. I had to inform said nurse/receptionist of my intentions (still not even decided), and she lost it on me. I am destroying a life, how dare I even get pregnant...yadda yadda. I was already thinking all of that, and it hasn't even been decided whether or not it has DS yet. But, way to make me feel terrible about a PERSONAL ON THE SPOT DECISION!
Naturally, here in this state...there is something in the water with children having special needs kids or medical issues with their children. The town we live in, they actually demolished all 3 High Schools. One of which, is being turned into a special needs ONLY school. It's a tiny town, too. So, we see special needs kids all the time and have had lengthy discussions on whether we could live/handle/raise a special needs child. I am really not sure I could allow myself to bring a child into this world, KNOWING the quality of life they'd live would be just TERRIBLE...but that is me. However, we see it ALL the time and are constantly reminded about what *could* happen...it is not a good feeling/situation to have to be in.
So, I let the nurse rail at me...but find out the doctor here in town is fully booked until Nov. 12th (and only is in office on Wednesdays). Thus, that would put me well past the 20 week mark (and really, I don't trust that nurse/receptionist to not lie to me about him being booked, just for her own personal beliefs). In this state, there is actually a special clause in their legislature stating that if you are past 20 weeks...and your child is diagnosed with down syndrome, that you CANNOT terminate. According to the powers that be, the quality of life of a DS child is NOT that devastating and we should "deal with it". I am not in agreement with that. If you truly cannot handle a special needs child and know beforehand that it will 100% be a special needs child...it is your personal family decision. Not all families would be able to lovingly raise a special needs child, including probably mine.
(Side note: After we set up the appointment, I started having nightmares about giving birth to a living baby and the abortion clinic suffocating my living child. Then I started having nightmares about giving birth to a dead baby.)
So, today, I had my appointment in another town (3 hours away). When we first entered the room, a nurse did an ultrasound on me. She was surprised I was even getting on and we were unsure as to why. My husband and I assume it is because the hospital/nurse/receptionist that set up the appointment is VERY pro-life...so, I am guessing after her flip out on me that she wanted me to "see" the baby I was going to kill. Awesome.
But, ultrasounds do nothing for me. Holding my baby is how I bond with it...until then, who knows if I will miscarry or what...so I try to stay detached as possible. Not all mothers are like this. I actually get creeped out by ultrasounds. I also am a big believer in my baby in my tummy being a parasite. Sure, I will connect with it...but not go "ooh" and "ahhh" during an ultrasound. Just does nothing for me.
I saw a fantastic guy. He told me that actually the type of test that was used is supposed to be used during the week 14-16 mark and that it had been done REALLY early (on the exact day I turned 14 weeks, actually). He said my chances were actually 1 in 69 and more like 1.5%. So, not as bad as originally described - at all.
He also told us that the test that was done was not even close to being accurate. That he was surprised I was referred at all. However, if done correctly (and this test wasn't originally done correctly) it can be about 80% accurate and is mainly based off the hormones in my body (which have been wonky for a long time). He suggested we take another test to check for additional chromosomes in my blood that contain the baby's dna, too. This new test is 99% accurate and almost impossible to mess up.
I did the test. They actually made me watch the 7 vials of blood being drawn (I am terrible with my own blood), and make sure that it was being done correctly. So, after a total 6 hour drive and 4.5 hour appointment...we are home. Finally.
So, we are currently awaiting the results. It will take a week more. It costs about $1,000 without insurance but the company doing the test is going to only charge us $200. Phew. Not that bad. We have 1 week for the test results, and are sitting here biting our nails. If I don't receive a call by next Thurs, I will call on Halloween and get the results.
We are still undecided on what to do. We don't even have a history of defects in either of our families, dating back hundreds of years. So, we aren't really sure WHERE this came from, let alone how to handle it.
By the time we get the test results, I will be 18 weeks pregnant and have two weeks to make a decision. I am stressed beyond belief and worried. I also is a high chance of being another boy. Naturally, the baby is super tiny...but the ultrasound technician guessed that it was a boy. So, we'll see.
I will get a LOT of hate for this post. I haven't told my own family yet and if the time comes to terminate, I will tell them I had a miscarriage instead. But, I haven't decided yet, still. It is a sad time when the truth cannot be let out, just because of judgmental assholes. Sure, you may have a special needs child yourself...but that doesn't mean I HAVE to have one too or that I should let you sway my decision.
Not many people realize how big of a decision this nor how it would negatively effect our family. We have the money for another child, but not for a special needs child. We have the love for another child, no matter what...but it will really negatively effect our other children for the rest of their lives. I'm not sure I want to put my entire family's future in jeopardy just because my medication cancelled out my birth control. This child would not receive the best opportunities/life because of their condition. This is a VERY hard decision.
But, as I said, we are currently still weighing the pros/cons and trying to decide what to do. Who knows...the kidlet might not even have down syndrome at all. I am SO done with having kids after this.
I also feel like I am "playing God". I don't like this situation, especially since I tend to be a VERY logical person not swayed by emotions (most of the time). I just don't know if I could handle, or my children (when grown) could handle a perpetual child. What about all of the money involved in physical therapy, doctors, etc? What about how this child would be bullied or seen as stupid 24-7?
PS. I have also been spending a LOT of time researching down syndrome, and feel fully prepared to discuss our options when/if the time comes. My best friend has a cousin (that he takes care of) with down syndrome. He understands exactly how difficult it can be on a family. He is not mad at me for deciding whether to terminate or not. His aunt even talked to me about it, and she is in agreement that if she had known (yeah, she's a terrible person! pfft...she loves her daughter to death) that she wouldn't of had a special needs child. She said that she didn't believe in abortion, and knew that it would really negatively effect her family and herself...but still kept the baby. She said that while she loves her daughter to death, she has been miserable with her choice ever since. I can understand her feelings on this. That doesn't make her a terrible person for admitting she might have done things differently. She is a fantastic mother to her DS daughter, but she was effectively FORCED into it - without a choice.
Also, one of the major problems with our decision is that we wouldn't even know the full effect or how "bad" the child's down syndrome would be until AFTER birth. There are varying degrees, and the severe degree is just TERRIBLE.
One of the worst parts is: my eldest daughter has claimed the new baby as her baby. My youngest claimed my 9 month old son already. They know I am pregnant. I might need to break the news to them that either we terminated or the new baby is very sick...
Update: Results came back, finally. I called back on that Monday (6 business days later) and the nurse told me to call back again on that Friday (10 business days later). I called on Thursday, and the geneticist said we have nothing to worry about. 100% free and clear of any type of abnormalities in the Maternit21 test. I am scheduled for another in depth ultrasound (3 hours away) in about 3 weeks. We assume nothing will go wrong, as the actual test is more accurate then the ultrasound.
Also, we were told it is most likely a girl. Phew. So much stress gone. (Side note: geneticist and my sister were both PISSED that I had basically wasted my time with such a very LOW chance of the baby having DS. The results came back to be about 1 in 25,000 of having DS. So both were pissed the OB made me worry for so long over basically nothing. I'm just happy to know and happy it's over with.)
Update: 12/9/14
I did wind up getting the results, obviously. I also went to my scheduled ultrasound, at exactly 19 weeks and 5 days (2 days shy of the cut off for an abortion, and it IS listed in my chart so others know). Did you know it was possible to piss of a super gay ultrasound technician in a hallway? Well, now you know you CAN and it takes very LITTLE effort.
I showed up at my appointment 20 minutes early, as always. We waited over 45 minutes AFTER my appointment time to actually be called in. This is actually unsual. We usually don't have to wait long at all to get seen for an appointment that was made WELL in advance. Good thing hubby and I both always bring books with us to read.
I found out while waiting that we owed our geneticist $89.00 for our previous appointment with him, and for some reason the hospital was once again trying to double dip. They didn't even attempt to call my insurance - again - and were trying to get me to pay the money AS WELL AS CHARGE MY INSURANCE. This is insurance fraud. I am not a fan of it.
So, we are walking down the hallway and the ultrasound technician tells us basically what he will be doing. Well, no shit. I made sure to mention exactly what my doctor told me to say: "We are also checking for any additional signs of down syndrome, as we just came back from the geneticist and were told to look for any strange markings." The doctor was still unsure as to why the original blood test came back so abnormal, so we were triple checking just to make sure. Simple, right? Apparently, not.
He loses his shit. I mean just LOSES IT. Starts flipping out in the middle of the hallway (arms flailing, etc), with people passing us, about how he is ONLY checking for a healthy baby. Huh? No shit. I just need to know if there will be a cleft lip, hole in the heart, etc. Additional markings for Down Syndrome (duh). He continues flipping out about how down syndrome isn't a death sentence and is STILL a health baby. (That is a matter of opinion, but whatever.)
I start to walk away and my husband grabs my arm. He tells me not to leave, because we need this appointment and are running out of time. Sadly, my husband had a point - so I stayed. Finally, I stated very firmly: "You do realize you are screaming at me in the middle of a hallway, yes?" Ultrasound guy goes off on a tangent again about "healthy baby" (....okay....). My husband steps in and says, "We understand you will be looking for a health baby, we are looking for a healthy baby too. We just want to make absolutely sure that there are no health concerns to be dealt with later." (IE: Check for the stuff we want, and do your job...stop flipping out). Guy instantly calms down about 10 notches and walks us into the ultrasound room.
When we got IN the room, it was like night and day. He was super nice to my husband. Ignored me completely, like I wasn't even there. All questions or comments were directed at my hubby. What an asshole. I'm not just a fucking incubator. (Oh and he also thought we were first time parents, when he heard this is #4...he started to be even more nice to my husband.)
It turned out there are no health concerns either. No issues with heart, heart beat, cleft lip, too large nuchal fold, etc. So all that fuss? Just because he had to do his damn job. Yes, it is a girl, it was confirmed with asshole ultrasound technician.
We are happy with the results, but unhappy with how we were treated. My husband swears I swear a special perfume that attracts nutjobs. I am starting to believe him about that.
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