http://news.yahoo.com/expectant-mom-struck-car-dies-baby-born-alive-164229978.html
About 18 years ago, I was 16 years old. I was driving my younger sister and I home from school. We were following behind an older woman (~60ish). It was raining and very slick, thus I was keeping pretty far back (kind of newish driver and if anything happened to my car...oh boy). She suddenly slammed on her brakes and turned on her left blinker AFTER slamming on her brakes. She was apparently trying to turn left into a line of bushes (there was no driveway or anything to turn into...?). I hit my brakes and threw my "mom arm" over my sister's chest, just like my mom taught me to do.
The car behind me didn't stop, they weren't expecting it either (really...nowhere to turn left there for a LONG time). They slammed into us, making us slam into her. The car behind me had a father and very young son (~5ish) that wasn't buckled in. The son wound up slamming his head into the back of his father's seat, and was bleeding a lot (head wound and all). I grabbed the nearest thing I could (sweatshirt) and pressed it against his head until the ambulance showed up. He wound up going to the hospital, but was generally fine afterwards.
At the end, when speaking with the police. This woman had a cane, she wasn't wearing her glasses, AND attempted to blame me. The police asked her why she wasn't wearing her glasses (they were around her neck the whole time), and she said "It's that damn teen's fault!!!!" Way to avoid responsibility. The police obviously sided with me, as I was the car IN THE MIDDLE that got squished.
My sister wound up with a nasty bruise on her chest, and I face planted the steering wheel. I was only slightly bleeding, but my face looked like a train wreck afterwards. It took about 2 months for the bruise on my sister to go away.
I don't know what happened to that old woman after that, but I REALLY hope they took her license away. My mom was livid though, not at me. She couldn't wrap her head around someone driving, endangering/hurting others, and STILL not accepting responsibility for her actions. I was terrified to drive until I was about 22 after that, and even still will NOT drive long distances. I keep a camera in my car. The old drivers in this small, small town are TERRIBLE. I have seen some crazy stuff around here from them. It's worse then someone driving with a cellphone. Even if they are driving super slow (~20 under speed limit), they are still horrible at stopping for lights/stop signs/anything else. I've also taught my own kids the "mom arm", as I am fairly certain my sister might of gone through the window without it (she's still tiny, so could easily slide out of the buckle).
When I had meningitis and a LOT of issues driving, I absolutely refused to drive myself anywhere. The medication made me loopy and I was having problems remembering things. It is called personal responsibility. I could live for a few months without driving, while I got myself sorted out.
I think older people need to accept their own personal responsibility, as well. My own mother had a stroke and she refuses to drive now - for good reason. Laws need to change and they need to test people after a certain age.
Friday, November 28, 2014
Tuesday, November 18, 2014
SIL From Hell
So, I have two sister in laws. The one I'll be talking about is currently staying with us, and has been for about 3 months (the other one I have extremely disliked from day 1 of DATING my husband). She is 28 years old, has not finished or even attended college, and basically a typical "female". She does not stay in relationships longer then 3 months and I have a strong suspicion that she is an outright slut (after seeing how she acts with guys here, I would NOT be surprised). She is the baby of the family. Even her own mother says she is spoiled rotten and "very sensitive". I don't believe the sensitive bullshit, she started her own shit with me and I came into this shit with an open mind. I was told from day 1 not to believe any rumors from the rest of the family about her, and I didn't, I judged her based on her own actions IN my house.
Family coming to stay with us for extended periods is actually nothing new. We live so far away and the pass closes, so people can and most likely WILL get stuck here for a month or two during the winter. Last year, my MIL stayed with us and she was a blessing (amazing woman). This time, however, it has turned into pure and utter hell. Which is ironic because everyone said we would get along fantastic...apparently not so much.
She was mainly coming to stay with us because according to her and her mother, she needed some "straightening out". Mind you, this girl is 28 years old. This past year we had to drive out to Iowa to go get her and save her from an abusive relationship. After packing all 3 kids in the car, when we GOT THERE (18 hour drive)...she called us to tell us to turn back. We were never reimbursed for taking off work, our time, or our gas. We were furious, but tried to remain understanding.
Thus, when she called again and demanded (yes, demanded) that we come get her immediately - my husband told her no. But, we did send some money to her for her other sister to drive out there and get her (she promised to reimburse us). She actually wound up being put into a mental institution for her "depression". (I put that in quotes because really, I don't think it's depression. I think it's just attention needy bitchness. She ONLY claims she is having issues with depression when she is NOT getting her way.) Her sister DID get her, but things spiraled out of control not soon after returning home to live with her mother.
So, she came to stay with us. The goal was to get her out of her home state and around people that weren't basically the scum of the earth. She was apparently going out all nights and partying nonstop. She couldn't hold down a job and actually wasn't paying any bills at her mom's place (even though she promised to). She was basically mooching her way through life and living it up. Her friends were no better and most were drug addicts.
At first, things went along swimmingly. She had some job interviews that didn't pan out, and I dutifully waited in the car for over an hour during each one. So my husband got her a job working with him and started training (3 weeks of sitting in a chair basically) within about a month and a half. We know now, that we should have NEVER referred her for the job. I even let her ass borrow some of my much needed, and never replaced, clothes. I am a size 2, she is easily a size 7 and effectively ruined a maternity pair of pants. She stretched them out, but they were still wearable and I let it go. (She now has this annoying habit of going into whatever closet she wants - like she owns the place, and scouring through it all for whatever she is looking for. Her mother left a jacket here, and the first place she checked was MY closet...which means, she probably stole some of my clothes thinking it was her mom's.)
We watched TOO many horror movies that first month and a half. She dressed up for Halloween and even handed out some candy to kidlets while we trick or treated with ours. It was working out well, and even the issues I had with her...well, they could be ignored for the good of the family. Keep the peace, right? She was helping by watching the kids when we did our grocery shopping and working with my husband (read: waking up at 6am to sit in a chair and LEARN until 3pm). She was being useful. Yes, I know...cold, but very logical of me. She's family, so I let a LOT of things go.
Skip forward to when all the trouble begins. Nov 1st, I remember because it was the day after Halloween and she wanted to go to a party. So, she called up some random dude (whom she had never met IRL and we didn't know) that lived about 45 minutes away in another small town off a highway. She said he was the designated driver and would drop her back off when she was done. So, we settled in for date night at around 6pm and started to watch some movies.
3am comes around and still no sign of her. So, my husband texts her asking if she is okay and gets a drunken slurred response (yes, you CAN tell when someone is drunk texting you). We do eventually get her on the phone, after much nagging of said husband to make sure she was okay. Apparently her designated driver decided to get drunk, as was everyone else at the party. She was contemplating staying there over night or at least a few hours more until she/he sobered up, she had no idea how to get back though (after repeated attempts to explain and even tell her how to use a GPS). This was unacceptable. Obviously, as a parent and concerned family member we had to go get her at 7am (right around when the sun was rising). So, we packed ourselves into the car and drove out to east bumblefuck to rescue SIL.
When we arrived she was stumbling drunk, tried to get into the wrong car (looked nothing like our car), and wouldn't stop talking! She almost slid down into a ditch and fell into a cow manure field. My husband and I basically had to guide her to the car and make sure she got in safely. It was rough. Getting home and dealing with her was rough, too. She basically stayed up and we had to drunk talk to her for about an hour or two before she just passed out. At some point, we thought she died in the bathroom. We gave up on our movie and never finished it. We did attempt to have at least two conversations with her about getting drunk and disappearing. Obviously, those had no effect...because the partying has continued. Her mother tried to talk to her at one point, and that didn't work either. You can tell she also has a drinking problem and we had to hide all narcotics (for my hip) and alcohol in the house.
She started getting more vocal about things after that. She would walk into the living room and declare loudly "Why can't we watch something EVERYONE wants to watch?" Which means, my husband and I had to stop watching our shows together in order for her to watch yet another horror movie (which is basically all she would watch). She is also obsessed with one or five football teams, and would claim the TV every single time one of said teams was playing. No matter if I was listening to my shows while cleaning the house. I caught her having a "conversation" (read: very loud talking shit about me) with my husband while I was doing the dishes about how I am never actually WATCHING the shows...but I need something to listen to or do while I am cleaning the entire house, so fuck you bitch. I'm fairly certain my response to that was something along the lines of: "When you do chores, you can listen to the TV while you do them. Otherwise, they are mundane and a pain in the ass. I'm not a house slave, and I can do what I want in my own house." (Let's not forget the fact that my husband is usually sleeping during this time due to working night shift, so really...I usually have the TV all to myself) I'm sure I said it nicer then that, but that was the jist of my response. I have also caught her purposefully deleting or interrupting my recordings in progress, just so she can do/watch her own shit.
She has called me ignorant about numerous things. Anywhere from relating a childhood story about my friends thinking my family was weird for canning and having food storage. We lived in the north in a major city, so it wasn't exactly very common growing up. Apparently, she had a different experience and decided to "call me out" on it. She tended to do that quite a bit, about almost everything I said. So, I stopped talking so much. She also started calling me Bessy, due to my being pregnant and the way I am walking. My hip is starting/is dislocated again, so I tend to hunch over when walking. It hurts like hell. My husband says that she was joking about that one, and she tried to say she was joking too. Apparently this is how their family jokes around, I get that. But I have the common theory of: If it hurts someone's feelings, it's not a joke. She ran with the Bessy thing for about 2 weeks before she stopped all on her own accord (I believe it's because she wasn't getting a rise out of me). She also told me to my face that I tend to "exaggerate things" aka lie about things. Anyone that knows me knows that I refuse to lie, even if it hurts someone's feelings. My own family knows I record my conversations with them over the phone, because 1) they tend to twist thing around like only narcissist can do, and 2) I had meningitis, so I want to make sure I remember things correctly - which I still struggle with sometimes and am constantly writing things down to remember. I absolutely 100% will NOT lie about shit. I don't like drama, and I have absolutely zero filter on what I say. It is how I live my life. She has also said that my checking my husband's mail (for bills...) is illegal. I corrected her on that about 6 times before she finally stopped. It was just another insult sly from her and her trying to establish how supposedly controlling I am.
Around the time when things went REALLY downhill, my husband and I had a massive argument. It stemmed from my asking him to take out the trash. He is SUPPOSED to do it, but I have been doing it steadily for about 3 years now. Mainly this is because I will fill the trash can FOR him (not my job) and he will forget EVERY SINGLE DAMN TIME to take the can to the curb. So, I do it but I will bitch the whole time while doing it. His only chores in said house are help with the kids when awake, mow lawn (he purposefully doesn't do this either), make dinner, and the trash. Not much if you ask me. I handle the baby roughly 12 hours a day, the girls (2 of them...), their homework, their clothes for school set out for the week, their lunches,all housework, the animals (3 cats, 1 dog), doctors/dentist/vet/school appointments, gifts for their classes, bills (including his), grocery/shopping lists, presents (lately I just finished my Christmas list for the kids), and even my husband's garbage (he likes to leave his shit everywhere). I've even been known to mow the lawn, pull weeds, rake leaves, etc...while pregnant and with a dislocated hip! Yes, it's been done. Hence, I take my chores and running this household seriously. Obviously I do about 99% of the work around this house and demand respect for it. I also demand my husband to do something he is supposed to do when I ask him to do it.
Anyways, so I ASK him to take out the trash while he and she are playing the married couple - making dinner together (this is another thing that drives me nuts, whenever he is around...she attempts to take all his attention away from everyone else - even the kids). That actually used to be mine and my husband's activity, but she essentially took it over. She also sits in my spot at the kitchen table and I have nowhere to sit unless I want to be squished in a chair. So, I've been eating in the living room.
She pipes in, as is her habit to do whenever we are discussing something. She apparently got it into her head that she can somehow get involved in our marital disagreements or rather even our marriage. She has been making random comments for a while now, and this time it was just too much. She pipes up immediately and says that it was taken out - with massive attitude laced in there. So, I say: "Was it taken out to the trash can, because I have been having to do that EVERY day by myself.". She mutters something negative about me to my husband, and that just sets the ball rolling. I make a snippy comment to my husband about how I'm tired of doing the trash myself, when it's his damn job. Naturally after dropping this bomb on us, she disappears.
It turned into him insulting my family and my insulting his lazy sister. She was doing nothing around the house (the things she WOULD do were half-assed and had to be redone), constantly under minding my parenting (more on this in a second), talking shit about me (unproved at the time), and constantly trying to party every weekend (she has done this about 6 times now where she stays out all night and doesn't come back until 15+ hours later with no word from her). We are the type of people that once really stressed, we attack each other. It's never pretty. We always make up and have a normal conversation afterwards...but during the fight is NOT the time to attempt to get involved. It is PURELY between us and a way to blow off steam. We let things build up for so long, that we eventually just snap.
Our marital fight actually wound up going over pretty quickly and we sorted things out. SHE however needed reassuring. I am really not kidding. My husband and I have a fight, and this bitch is in my daughter's room in fucking tears for TWO DAYS about how we supposedly don't want her here. Fucking stupid. We spent TWO DAYS calming this bitch down. According to her, it's because she doesn't have her depression medication (my ass). I think it's just that she was unhappy that her little bomb didn't work the way she had planned it to work. I am furious about this still, as our marital fight is between us and WE need to sort things out TOGETHER - without said involvement from her....and she was REALLY involved.
I kid you not, she even somehow turned our fight into a "I'm going over to random dude's house for the night, and will get a plane ticket asap." "I don't feel welcome here". So, we had to talk her out of such an absurd notion. We spent more time calming her down then we actually did fighting! Her lack of awareness is astounding! Mind you, she admitted to not even knowing we were fighting about our families. She had no idea her name was even mentioned. So, she was basically having a pity party due to a fight that didn't even involve her (I didn't even really say anything mean...just that he could pack his shit and take his sister with him). I even had to sit down in my daughter's room with her and try to get emotionally loving with her. This is rough for me, as I tend to be VERY logical. I sat in there for 2 hours. It was fucking terrible.
After that, she started avoiding the shit outta me. I'm going to assume this is around the time she started insulting me to people other than my husband. I would walk into a room she is in, and she will disappear upstairs to do her own thing - for hours. The only time she would exit said room was to MAYBE go to work, go party, or have my husband alone in another room away from me.
I also got a call from her mother stating that the job wasn't working out and she didn't like getting yelled at on the phone. Which is funny, because SIL never even took a call yet! She also claims that she "doesn't understand anything that is going on". I offered her my old notebooks, which basically says: "This is the error, this is exactly what you do for it". My husband offered to help her. She took neither of us up on our offer. The training is basically teaching computer skills for the completely idiotic people of the world. The training is designed to TEACH you. But, whatever, if the job isn't for her...just get a different one AFTER training. Otherwise, you're JUST sitting there earning money. Easiest money made ever.
About a week later, she decides that instead of randomly just calling out of work - which she had been doing about every other day - she was going to just TELL her boss that she is moving back to her home state soon. What?! (We had no idea this was her plan until she told us this) The boss rightfully fired her on the spot. She was told that she was basically earning an easy paycheck and just ride out the training, but instead...she decides to have the choice taken away from her. Thus, she thought we wouldn't find fault with her or think she is utterly fucking stupid. She was wrong, my husband has been commenting about it for a while now. Even he saw how fucking retarded that was. He is still pissed he referred her and she couldn't make it longer then 2.5 weeks.
My husband went grocery shopping last week, and I asked him to take her with him. I mainly figured her getting out of the house would do a world of good for her depression (that doesn't exist!). I thought she had left, but walked into the living room after doing a load of laundry..and she is sitting there wrapped up in two blankets, wearing a jacket. I asked if she was going with him, and she says no. Okay...are you cold? Yes, she's cold. Bitch, say something then! I turned the heat up to 75 for her (too hot for the baby, but whatever drama queen). But, she HAS to be a victim...I'm sure it's MY fault that the heat was turned to 71 (god forbid!) during the WINTER.
So, skip forward to about 4 days ago. She is still locking herself in my daughter's room. I found out why she wants to go back, too. She met a guy who is a recovering heroin addict and has been sober for 66 days (....that's not a long time). He also admits to choking his girlfriend out for so long that she passed out. Great guy, really. (She excuses this choking a bitch by saying the ex-girlfriend was ALSO a heroin addict...) She basically spend all day/night talking to him or talking shit about me to whoever will listen. I have overheard it a few times now. Her main assault choice is obviously texts, but she can't hide her disdain for me much longer. She finally leaves on the 28th, the day after Thanksgiving.
She's also been purposefully under minding my parenting from day one. I try to explain the rules of the house to her as best as possible and when that doesn't work I attempt to NOT send my husband to speak to her...but when it's really blatant, something NEEDS to be said. I have been mainly biding my time until it's blatantly obvious to my husband. I don't want to stir up drama when it's not that big of a deal.
The girls, myself, and my husband get vicious when we play games. Sometimes there is cursing involved and a lot of insults. We are allowed to curse, but not around Dad or in public. Apparently, SIL thinks she should be on that list too. I call bullshit, you're not higher on the pecking order than myself or their father. Don't like it? Leave the fucking room. The only time they aren't allowed to curse is when Dad is around or in public. Otherwise, have at it. Just don't get NASTY with each other, and especially not cursing AT each other. That is the rule. SIL does not agree with this, yet she has obviously done the opposite in her actions with me.
When my ex-husband visited for Halloween, even he was angry (and he's never really around) about the way she was acting. The girls were playing a game with all of us for family night, and one of them had to go to the bathroom. Bitch SIL pokes her head outside of the door and tells my kids to shut up. Uh, no. It's not their bedtime, they can be as loud as they want. She has done this numerous times since. Once my daughter was taking a shower at 8:45pm (bedtime weekdays is 10:30, and weekends - except Sun - is around 11:30), she told my daughter to stop singing in the shower! Oh man. I was livid. But, I still didn't say anything directly to her. Later she will ask me exactly WHEN the kids go to bed, because you know...I'm a terrible parent who just lets them run wild all the time. This is yet another sly dig at my parenting. It is also NOT up to her to tell them when to be quiet, when SHE doesn't NEED her sleep (she supposedly also has sleeping issues and takes MY pills to go to sleep). The rest of us need our sleep, and it is up to US to tell them when they are being TOO loud (which does happen, but NOT when she is lecturing them).
So, my kids have chores. I am teaching them responsibility. They are not allowed to play or do anything fun until their chores are finished. If I have to repeat myself, or ride them to get it done...naturally, I raise my voice at them. Sometimes, hell a lot of the time, there is cursing involved on my part. But, they know they can't skip them. However, EVIL decided that from day one she is going to interrupt their chores to "just show them something" or whatever else she was planning on doing with them. All the while I am yelling at the kids to do their damn chores, and she knows damn well that is exactly what is going on.
So, it all comes to head. I'm done with her judging my parenting. The girls are supposed to do their chores, I had actually done their chores 3 days in a row for them. I wanted them to only do 2 chores that day. I find out that instead of doing chores, all while I am screaming (and you can hear me across the damn city at this point) for 4+ hours that she has decided to give them fucking ice cream. I am not kidding. She rewarded my children for their bad behavior and basically said to my kids: "Fuck what your mother is telling you to do, I rule this shit...not her."
This is exactly what was said to her: "We don't reward the children when their fucking chores still need to be done." I said this from the doorway in between my living room and kitchen. She was sitting on the couch, watching TV.
I actually did let them finish their ice cream. After done, I was right on them to get their chores done. I checked on them about 30 minutes later, and she was playing with them again in my daughter's room. They were basically just talking to her. So, I checked to see if their rooms were done. They were not. My girls had hidden their mess underneath tables, etc, while SHE WATCHED. I lost it. I started yelling at the kids again, throwing in some phrases like: "I knew it was fucking stupid to give you ice cream." I never addressed her or even called her stupid during my little rant. I made a pile in their hallway, and told them they had 2 minutes to complete it or it all goes into the trash. It was done in less than a minute.
About 2 hours later, my husband texts me from working asking me if I had gotten in SIL's face. Apparently, according to her twisting ass, I had walking up to her with my finger in her face, cursing at her, and calling her stupid. Right. He believed me right off the bat, and I made sure to throw in there for good measure that the kids will vouch for me. I obviously told him that I was yelling at the kids, and he understood...because well, we have been discussing SIL's under minding of BOTH our parenting. The ice cream fiasco was obviously that blatant time I was waiting for, before he finally laid down the law with her.
I do think it is funny that she thought she was going to somehow rat me out to my husband. Aside from, I assume, her wanting him to take her side...she wanted to purposefully make me look bad to him. Funny how it didn't work out that way. He is completely on my side during this latest incident.
The next morning, I wake up to the call from the school. Apparently my youngest didn't make her lunch the night before (her chore), and didn't have a lunch. I also have a text message from SIL. It reads: "**** leaves the baby to cry all morning until 2pm. And doesnt want me 2 get him outta bed" She obviously mistexted that to someone. Mind you, my baby times are not around 2pm. I am getting the kids at 1:30-3pm (sometimes 3:30). His naptime is from 11-2pm. That is not my responsibility. My husband wrote her back, because I told him to handle it before I came home with the kids. This is what he wrote: "SIL you sent that text to ****'s phone. also it's my fault i sometimes forget or turn off the monitor but yeah its my job to fix him while she sleeps. if ou wantt o fix him or notice im not getting up u can if u want". He also had a physical talk with her later about how it wasn't my fault that baby was not up. (My husband has the bad habit of turning off the baby monitor in his sleep. We've been trying to fix that.) My actual baby duty times are easy to figure out.
This is my baby duty times: 10:30am-1pm (his nap time during this is technically my husband's job), 3:30pm-5pm, 7:30pm-3am. I essentially am almost never sleeping due to my other children, and I am currently pregnant (I get about 3 hours of sleep a night/day). I get stuck on baby duty roughly 11.5 hours a day, sometimes more. My girls, I get them up for school and ready lately (not my job due to my husband driving them to school), and get them from 3:30pm until 10:30pm at night, that is roughly 7.5 hours minimum when not awake in the morning. Baby tends to sleep during the early morning and late afternoon, so usually even my husband is sleeping then.
Also, she sent him a text that night saying that I never thanked her for her food stamp money. Bitch. You have been eating my food, and I have been paying for your cigarettes from day one. She has cost me an additional 500 bucks a month, easily. Her $150.00 a month in food stamps is a fucking drop in the goddamn bucket. I HAD been thanking her before, but I definitely wasn't going to now. She OWES us, especially after we kept putting gas in hubby's truck for her to drive to god knows where. My husband tried to straighten her out on that one. I don't think he saw through her shit talking me to him/attempting to ruin his opinion of me, but he definitely doesn't like ANY talk of how we should be grateful to people. We earned our own shit the hard way, thanks.
So, whomever she was talking to...confirmed that she is talking shit about my parenting. I am a terrible mother, and supposedly everything in the world is my fault. I should never ever correct or yell at my kids. My baby should never, ever cry - even when I'm not physically at home.
My husband, I think, is strictly on the fence about this. He doesn't want the drama and has basically been ignoring my complaints. I want it all over with. I assume when she leaves, everything will go back to normal. Thank god. While she is here though, I think boundaries need to be set and maintained. I refuse to talk to her, so I will make my husband referee. He wants to keep the peace, fine. But I pre-warned him, don't be surprised if I just start yelling at her.
Also, the all night/day partying hasn't stopped. Bitch needs to grow the fuck up.
So things that annoy me about her:
- Her talking shit about me behind my back to my husband AND to who knows else. I can't even defend myself, as I don't know what is being said most of the time or to whom.
- Her judging my parenting, when she is not a parent herself and has no idea about fucking responsibility.
- Her attempting to rat me out to my husband like he is my mother or some shit.
- Her insulting me to my husband AND my children. (I caught her once telling the kids not to mind "mommy's temper because she is currently pregnant". Bull fucking shit. They were supposed to be doing something, and after the 10th time of telling them to do it..I was understandably peeved at them)
- Her attempting to steal my TV from me and using it against me as some sort of "selfish fault".
- Her late night/all day partying.
- Her purposefully quitting her job.
- Her obsession with that recovering drug addict. Leave the damn room once in a while. (I had kid #1 ask her if she wanted to play a game, and she left the room for 30 minutes before getting a text from druggie and disappearing again)
- Her avoidance of me. Obviously, I was insulted and my feelings were hurt when she first started doing this.
- Her drama ways and always a victim mentality. She is constantly acting like the world is against her and that the other person (whoever is her current target for slander) is full of shit. "Oh no, they had a fight...I need to somehow make this about me and threaten to leave, etc" ALL for attention.
- Her attention issues. She always has to be #1 in whomever's world. She even messaged some random DJ on facebook and was bitching about how he was engaged to another girl. Bitch, he doesn't know you. You'll be lucky if he responds back to you!
- Her outright lies.
- Her attempting to destroy my marriage and reputation.
- Her insulting me to my face, subtly. Just subtly enough that my husband has no idea what ticked me off until I point it out for him.
- Her playing married couple. They are not married. My children and I come first to him, she needs to learn how to deal with that and learn her place. Even her mother agrees that she doesn't understand her own new marriage, and has issues with this too.
- Not having her own space. She is currently sleeping in my youngest daughter's room. Originally she had an air mattress that had a hole in it, and was going to replace it after getting her first paycheck. I was going to clean out the entire office for her...but she decided not to do that. So, she is constantly holed up in my daughter's room and never leaves it.
- Her constantly texting my husband. This is different from the insult texts she sends him. I usually text my husband when he is working, because it keeps him entertained and it's how we communicate when he is gone for so long. She texts him nonstop all night long. It's extreme and makes it so he doesn't respond to ME.
- Her need to be alpha female in this house. No one can take away the title of mother from me. No female will ever top me in this damn house. She needs to learn her fucking place. What I say, goes. What she says, not important.
- Her eating me out of house and home. This includes my pregnancy only food, WITH "Mom Only" written on it. Her $150.00 does NOT cover her expenses.
- Her ungratefulness. We have done a LOT for her. We opened our home to her, and this is how she is repaying me.
- Her under minding my parenting. This is the top of the list for me. I posted a few specific examples, but she has gone above and beyond trying to basically tell the kids to ignore my/our rules of the house. I am SO done with this shti.
And...the list goes on!
Update: 12/9/14
SIl returned back to GA, where she belongs the day after Thanksgiving. Phew. Husband paid for her plane ticket and she reimbursed him. Double phew. She naturally didn't cover ALL her expenses here, but it was a big help. My husband drove her back to the shuttle (I told him no way was he driving across the snow covered canyon to get her on a plane) very early morning.
However, since she has returned...her dog was killed by a neighbor. She has made numerous facebook posts about how no one noticed, and no one truly cares about her. Her sister (whom I hate) has also made side comments on the posts about how she knows who her TRUE family is. Funny, because we didn't even know her dog has died until she posted that. I told my husband to call her, as it's not MY family but he should at least act like he gives a shit.
She also left a parting gift: The flu. It hit the girls and I hard the night she left. We know it came from her, as she was suffering from it two days prior (infected at a friend's house). The girls got over it in about a day or two. My husband, little man, and I were NOT so lucky. My husband wound up missing two weeks of work while all three of us were recovering. Little man is finally feeling better. I will be better by tomorrow, hopefully. Husband was better two days ago. We all felt like we were dying. It was terrible.
Husband actually wound up missing TOO many days of work, and is no longer working now. None of us could go 15 minutes without either puking or pooping ourselves. We were sleeping almost all day, or as long as possible. So, now he is out of work. I consider this situation a terrorist attack.
Good news though: He is going to apply to the at home position OR get a small part time job for while I am pregnant. We don't super need the money, but it helped out. So, it takes some stress off of him and it's been really nice having him home more - especially since I am not walking so much anymore.
Family coming to stay with us for extended periods is actually nothing new. We live so far away and the pass closes, so people can and most likely WILL get stuck here for a month or two during the winter. Last year, my MIL stayed with us and she was a blessing (amazing woman). This time, however, it has turned into pure and utter hell. Which is ironic because everyone said we would get along fantastic...apparently not so much.
She was mainly coming to stay with us because according to her and her mother, she needed some "straightening out". Mind you, this girl is 28 years old. This past year we had to drive out to Iowa to go get her and save her from an abusive relationship. After packing all 3 kids in the car, when we GOT THERE (18 hour drive)...she called us to tell us to turn back. We were never reimbursed for taking off work, our time, or our gas. We were furious, but tried to remain understanding.
Thus, when she called again and demanded (yes, demanded) that we come get her immediately - my husband told her no. But, we did send some money to her for her other sister to drive out there and get her (she promised to reimburse us). She actually wound up being put into a mental institution for her "depression". (I put that in quotes because really, I don't think it's depression. I think it's just attention needy bitchness. She ONLY claims she is having issues with depression when she is NOT getting her way.) Her sister DID get her, but things spiraled out of control not soon after returning home to live with her mother.
So, she came to stay with us. The goal was to get her out of her home state and around people that weren't basically the scum of the earth. She was apparently going out all nights and partying nonstop. She couldn't hold down a job and actually wasn't paying any bills at her mom's place (even though she promised to). She was basically mooching her way through life and living it up. Her friends were no better and most were drug addicts.
At first, things went along swimmingly. She had some job interviews that didn't pan out, and I dutifully waited in the car for over an hour during each one. So my husband got her a job working with him and started training (3 weeks of sitting in a chair basically) within about a month and a half. We know now, that we should have NEVER referred her for the job. I even let her ass borrow some of my much needed, and never replaced, clothes. I am a size 2, she is easily a size 7 and effectively ruined a maternity pair of pants. She stretched them out, but they were still wearable and I let it go. (She now has this annoying habit of going into whatever closet she wants - like she owns the place, and scouring through it all for whatever she is looking for. Her mother left a jacket here, and the first place she checked was MY closet...which means, she probably stole some of my clothes thinking it was her mom's.)
We watched TOO many horror movies that first month and a half. She dressed up for Halloween and even handed out some candy to kidlets while we trick or treated with ours. It was working out well, and even the issues I had with her...well, they could be ignored for the good of the family. Keep the peace, right? She was helping by watching the kids when we did our grocery shopping and working with my husband (read: waking up at 6am to sit in a chair and LEARN until 3pm). She was being useful. Yes, I know...cold, but very logical of me. She's family, so I let a LOT of things go.
Skip forward to when all the trouble begins. Nov 1st, I remember because it was the day after Halloween and she wanted to go to a party. So, she called up some random dude (whom she had never met IRL and we didn't know) that lived about 45 minutes away in another small town off a highway. She said he was the designated driver and would drop her back off when she was done. So, we settled in for date night at around 6pm and started to watch some movies.
3am comes around and still no sign of her. So, my husband texts her asking if she is okay and gets a drunken slurred response (yes, you CAN tell when someone is drunk texting you). We do eventually get her on the phone, after much nagging of said husband to make sure she was okay. Apparently her designated driver decided to get drunk, as was everyone else at the party. She was contemplating staying there over night or at least a few hours more until she/he sobered up, she had no idea how to get back though (after repeated attempts to explain and even tell her how to use a GPS). This was unacceptable. Obviously, as a parent and concerned family member we had to go get her at 7am (right around when the sun was rising). So, we packed ourselves into the car and drove out to east bumblefuck to rescue SIL.
When we arrived she was stumbling drunk, tried to get into the wrong car (looked nothing like our car), and wouldn't stop talking! She almost slid down into a ditch and fell into a cow manure field. My husband and I basically had to guide her to the car and make sure she got in safely. It was rough. Getting home and dealing with her was rough, too. She basically stayed up and we had to drunk talk to her for about an hour or two before she just passed out. At some point, we thought she died in the bathroom. We gave up on our movie and never finished it. We did attempt to have at least two conversations with her about getting drunk and disappearing. Obviously, those had no effect...because the partying has continued. Her mother tried to talk to her at one point, and that didn't work either. You can tell she also has a drinking problem and we had to hide all narcotics (for my hip) and alcohol in the house.
She started getting more vocal about things after that. She would walk into the living room and declare loudly "Why can't we watch something EVERYONE wants to watch?" Which means, my husband and I had to stop watching our shows together in order for her to watch yet another horror movie (which is basically all she would watch). She is also obsessed with one or five football teams, and would claim the TV every single time one of said teams was playing. No matter if I was listening to my shows while cleaning the house. I caught her having a "conversation" (read: very loud talking shit about me) with my husband while I was doing the dishes about how I am never actually WATCHING the shows...but I need something to listen to or do while I am cleaning the entire house, so fuck you bitch. I'm fairly certain my response to that was something along the lines of: "When you do chores, you can listen to the TV while you do them. Otherwise, they are mundane and a pain in the ass. I'm not a house slave, and I can do what I want in my own house." (Let's not forget the fact that my husband is usually sleeping during this time due to working night shift, so really...I usually have the TV all to myself) I'm sure I said it nicer then that, but that was the jist of my response. I have also caught her purposefully deleting or interrupting my recordings in progress, just so she can do/watch her own shit.
She has called me ignorant about numerous things. Anywhere from relating a childhood story about my friends thinking my family was weird for canning and having food storage. We lived in the north in a major city, so it wasn't exactly very common growing up. Apparently, she had a different experience and decided to "call me out" on it. She tended to do that quite a bit, about almost everything I said. So, I stopped talking so much. She also started calling me Bessy, due to my being pregnant and the way I am walking. My hip is starting/is dislocated again, so I tend to hunch over when walking. It hurts like hell. My husband says that she was joking about that one, and she tried to say she was joking too. Apparently this is how their family jokes around, I get that. But I have the common theory of: If it hurts someone's feelings, it's not a joke. She ran with the Bessy thing for about 2 weeks before she stopped all on her own accord (I believe it's because she wasn't getting a rise out of me). She also told me to my face that I tend to "exaggerate things" aka lie about things. Anyone that knows me knows that I refuse to lie, even if it hurts someone's feelings. My own family knows I record my conversations with them over the phone, because 1) they tend to twist thing around like only narcissist can do, and 2) I had meningitis, so I want to make sure I remember things correctly - which I still struggle with sometimes and am constantly writing things down to remember. I absolutely 100% will NOT lie about shit. I don't like drama, and I have absolutely zero filter on what I say. It is how I live my life. She has also said that my checking my husband's mail (for bills...) is illegal. I corrected her on that about 6 times before she finally stopped. It was just another insult sly from her and her trying to establish how supposedly controlling I am.
Around the time when things went REALLY downhill, my husband and I had a massive argument. It stemmed from my asking him to take out the trash. He is SUPPOSED to do it, but I have been doing it steadily for about 3 years now. Mainly this is because I will fill the trash can FOR him (not my job) and he will forget EVERY SINGLE DAMN TIME to take the can to the curb. So, I do it but I will bitch the whole time while doing it. His only chores in said house are help with the kids when awake, mow lawn (he purposefully doesn't do this either), make dinner, and the trash. Not much if you ask me. I handle the baby roughly 12 hours a day, the girls (2 of them...), their homework, their clothes for school set out for the week, their lunches,all housework, the animals (3 cats, 1 dog), doctors/dentist/vet/school appointments, gifts for their classes, bills (including his), grocery/shopping lists, presents (lately I just finished my Christmas list for the kids), and even my husband's garbage (he likes to leave his shit everywhere). I've even been known to mow the lawn, pull weeds, rake leaves, etc...while pregnant and with a dislocated hip! Yes, it's been done. Hence, I take my chores and running this household seriously. Obviously I do about 99% of the work around this house and demand respect for it. I also demand my husband to do something he is supposed to do when I ask him to do it.
Anyways, so I ASK him to take out the trash while he and she are playing the married couple - making dinner together (this is another thing that drives me nuts, whenever he is around...she attempts to take all his attention away from everyone else - even the kids). That actually used to be mine and my husband's activity, but she essentially took it over. She also sits in my spot at the kitchen table and I have nowhere to sit unless I want to be squished in a chair. So, I've been eating in the living room.
She pipes in, as is her habit to do whenever we are discussing something. She apparently got it into her head that she can somehow get involved in our marital disagreements or rather even our marriage. She has been making random comments for a while now, and this time it was just too much. She pipes up immediately and says that it was taken out - with massive attitude laced in there. So, I say: "Was it taken out to the trash can, because I have been having to do that EVERY day by myself.". She mutters something negative about me to my husband, and that just sets the ball rolling. I make a snippy comment to my husband about how I'm tired of doing the trash myself, when it's his damn job. Naturally after dropping this bomb on us, she disappears.
It turned into him insulting my family and my insulting his lazy sister. She was doing nothing around the house (the things she WOULD do were half-assed and had to be redone), constantly under minding my parenting (more on this in a second), talking shit about me (unproved at the time), and constantly trying to party every weekend (she has done this about 6 times now where she stays out all night and doesn't come back until 15+ hours later with no word from her). We are the type of people that once really stressed, we attack each other. It's never pretty. We always make up and have a normal conversation afterwards...but during the fight is NOT the time to attempt to get involved. It is PURELY between us and a way to blow off steam. We let things build up for so long, that we eventually just snap.
Our marital fight actually wound up going over pretty quickly and we sorted things out. SHE however needed reassuring. I am really not kidding. My husband and I have a fight, and this bitch is in my daughter's room in fucking tears for TWO DAYS about how we supposedly don't want her here. Fucking stupid. We spent TWO DAYS calming this bitch down. According to her, it's because she doesn't have her depression medication (my ass). I think it's just that she was unhappy that her little bomb didn't work the way she had planned it to work. I am furious about this still, as our marital fight is between us and WE need to sort things out TOGETHER - without said involvement from her....and she was REALLY involved.
I kid you not, she even somehow turned our fight into a "I'm going over to random dude's house for the night, and will get a plane ticket asap." "I don't feel welcome here". So, we had to talk her out of such an absurd notion. We spent more time calming her down then we actually did fighting! Her lack of awareness is astounding! Mind you, she admitted to not even knowing we were fighting about our families. She had no idea her name was even mentioned. So, she was basically having a pity party due to a fight that didn't even involve her (I didn't even really say anything mean...just that he could pack his shit and take his sister with him). I even had to sit down in my daughter's room with her and try to get emotionally loving with her. This is rough for me, as I tend to be VERY logical. I sat in there for 2 hours. It was fucking terrible.
After that, she started avoiding the shit outta me. I'm going to assume this is around the time she started insulting me to people other than my husband. I would walk into a room she is in, and she will disappear upstairs to do her own thing - for hours. The only time she would exit said room was to MAYBE go to work, go party, or have my husband alone in another room away from me.
I also got a call from her mother stating that the job wasn't working out and she didn't like getting yelled at on the phone. Which is funny, because SIL never even took a call yet! She also claims that she "doesn't understand anything that is going on". I offered her my old notebooks, which basically says: "This is the error, this is exactly what you do for it". My husband offered to help her. She took neither of us up on our offer. The training is basically teaching computer skills for the completely idiotic people of the world. The training is designed to TEACH you. But, whatever, if the job isn't for her...just get a different one AFTER training. Otherwise, you're JUST sitting there earning money. Easiest money made ever.
About a week later, she decides that instead of randomly just calling out of work - which she had been doing about every other day - she was going to just TELL her boss that she is moving back to her home state soon. What?! (We had no idea this was her plan until she told us this) The boss rightfully fired her on the spot. She was told that she was basically earning an easy paycheck and just ride out the training, but instead...she decides to have the choice taken away from her. Thus, she thought we wouldn't find fault with her or think she is utterly fucking stupid. She was wrong, my husband has been commenting about it for a while now. Even he saw how fucking retarded that was. He is still pissed he referred her and she couldn't make it longer then 2.5 weeks.
My husband went grocery shopping last week, and I asked him to take her with him. I mainly figured her getting out of the house would do a world of good for her depression (that doesn't exist!). I thought she had left, but walked into the living room after doing a load of laundry..and she is sitting there wrapped up in two blankets, wearing a jacket. I asked if she was going with him, and she says no. Okay...are you cold? Yes, she's cold. Bitch, say something then! I turned the heat up to 75 for her (too hot for the baby, but whatever drama queen). But, she HAS to be a victim...I'm sure it's MY fault that the heat was turned to 71 (god forbid!) during the WINTER.
So, skip forward to about 4 days ago. She is still locking herself in my daughter's room. I found out why she wants to go back, too. She met a guy who is a recovering heroin addict and has been sober for 66 days (....that's not a long time). He also admits to choking his girlfriend out for so long that she passed out. Great guy, really. (She excuses this choking a bitch by saying the ex-girlfriend was ALSO a heroin addict...) She basically spend all day/night talking to him or talking shit about me to whoever will listen. I have overheard it a few times now. Her main assault choice is obviously texts, but she can't hide her disdain for me much longer. She finally leaves on the 28th, the day after Thanksgiving.
She's also been purposefully under minding my parenting from day one. I try to explain the rules of the house to her as best as possible and when that doesn't work I attempt to NOT send my husband to speak to her...but when it's really blatant, something NEEDS to be said. I have been mainly biding my time until it's blatantly obvious to my husband. I don't want to stir up drama when it's not that big of a deal.
The girls, myself, and my husband get vicious when we play games. Sometimes there is cursing involved and a lot of insults. We are allowed to curse, but not around Dad or in public. Apparently, SIL thinks she should be on that list too. I call bullshit, you're not higher on the pecking order than myself or their father. Don't like it? Leave the fucking room. The only time they aren't allowed to curse is when Dad is around or in public. Otherwise, have at it. Just don't get NASTY with each other, and especially not cursing AT each other. That is the rule. SIL does not agree with this, yet she has obviously done the opposite in her actions with me.
When my ex-husband visited for Halloween, even he was angry (and he's never really around) about the way she was acting. The girls were playing a game with all of us for family night, and one of them had to go to the bathroom. Bitch SIL pokes her head outside of the door and tells my kids to shut up. Uh, no. It's not their bedtime, they can be as loud as they want. She has done this numerous times since. Once my daughter was taking a shower at 8:45pm (bedtime weekdays is 10:30, and weekends - except Sun - is around 11:30), she told my daughter to stop singing in the shower! Oh man. I was livid. But, I still didn't say anything directly to her. Later she will ask me exactly WHEN the kids go to bed, because you know...I'm a terrible parent who just lets them run wild all the time. This is yet another sly dig at my parenting. It is also NOT up to her to tell them when to be quiet, when SHE doesn't NEED her sleep (she supposedly also has sleeping issues and takes MY pills to go to sleep). The rest of us need our sleep, and it is up to US to tell them when they are being TOO loud (which does happen, but NOT when she is lecturing them).
So, my kids have chores. I am teaching them responsibility. They are not allowed to play or do anything fun until their chores are finished. If I have to repeat myself, or ride them to get it done...naturally, I raise my voice at them. Sometimes, hell a lot of the time, there is cursing involved on my part. But, they know they can't skip them. However, EVIL decided that from day one she is going to interrupt their chores to "just show them something" or whatever else she was planning on doing with them. All the while I am yelling at the kids to do their damn chores, and she knows damn well that is exactly what is going on.
So, it all comes to head. I'm done with her judging my parenting. The girls are supposed to do their chores, I had actually done their chores 3 days in a row for them. I wanted them to only do 2 chores that day. I find out that instead of doing chores, all while I am screaming (and you can hear me across the damn city at this point) for 4+ hours that she has decided to give them fucking ice cream. I am not kidding. She rewarded my children for their bad behavior and basically said to my kids: "Fuck what your mother is telling you to do, I rule this shit...not her."
This is exactly what was said to her: "We don't reward the children when their fucking chores still need to be done." I said this from the doorway in between my living room and kitchen. She was sitting on the couch, watching TV.
I actually did let them finish their ice cream. After done, I was right on them to get their chores done. I checked on them about 30 minutes later, and she was playing with them again in my daughter's room. They were basically just talking to her. So, I checked to see if their rooms were done. They were not. My girls had hidden their mess underneath tables, etc, while SHE WATCHED. I lost it. I started yelling at the kids again, throwing in some phrases like: "I knew it was fucking stupid to give you ice cream." I never addressed her or even called her stupid during my little rant. I made a pile in their hallway, and told them they had 2 minutes to complete it or it all goes into the trash. It was done in less than a minute.
About 2 hours later, my husband texts me from working asking me if I had gotten in SIL's face. Apparently, according to her twisting ass, I had walking up to her with my finger in her face, cursing at her, and calling her stupid. Right. He believed me right off the bat, and I made sure to throw in there for good measure that the kids will vouch for me. I obviously told him that I was yelling at the kids, and he understood...because well, we have been discussing SIL's under minding of BOTH our parenting. The ice cream fiasco was obviously that blatant time I was waiting for, before he finally laid down the law with her.
I do think it is funny that she thought she was going to somehow rat me out to my husband. Aside from, I assume, her wanting him to take her side...she wanted to purposefully make me look bad to him. Funny how it didn't work out that way. He is completely on my side during this latest incident.
The next morning, I wake up to the call from the school. Apparently my youngest didn't make her lunch the night before (her chore), and didn't have a lunch. I also have a text message from SIL. It reads: "**** leaves the baby to cry all morning until 2pm. And doesnt want me 2 get him outta bed" She obviously mistexted that to someone. Mind you, my baby times are not around 2pm. I am getting the kids at 1:30-3pm (sometimes 3:30). His naptime is from 11-2pm. That is not my responsibility. My husband wrote her back, because I told him to handle it before I came home with the kids. This is what he wrote: "SIL you sent that text to ****'s phone. also it's my fault i sometimes forget or turn off the monitor but yeah its my job to fix him while she sleeps. if ou wantt o fix him or notice im not getting up u can if u want". He also had a physical talk with her later about how it wasn't my fault that baby was not up. (My husband has the bad habit of turning off the baby monitor in his sleep. We've been trying to fix that.) My actual baby duty times are easy to figure out.
This is my baby duty times: 10:30am-1pm (his nap time during this is technically my husband's job), 3:30pm-5pm, 7:30pm-3am. I essentially am almost never sleeping due to my other children, and I am currently pregnant (I get about 3 hours of sleep a night/day). I get stuck on baby duty roughly 11.5 hours a day, sometimes more. My girls, I get them up for school and ready lately (not my job due to my husband driving them to school), and get them from 3:30pm until 10:30pm at night, that is roughly 7.5 hours minimum when not awake in the morning. Baby tends to sleep during the early morning and late afternoon, so usually even my husband is sleeping then.
Also, she sent him a text that night saying that I never thanked her for her food stamp money. Bitch. You have been eating my food, and I have been paying for your cigarettes from day one. She has cost me an additional 500 bucks a month, easily. Her $150.00 a month in food stamps is a fucking drop in the goddamn bucket. I HAD been thanking her before, but I definitely wasn't going to now. She OWES us, especially after we kept putting gas in hubby's truck for her to drive to god knows where. My husband tried to straighten her out on that one. I don't think he saw through her shit talking me to him/attempting to ruin his opinion of me, but he definitely doesn't like ANY talk of how we should be grateful to people. We earned our own shit the hard way, thanks.
So, whomever she was talking to...confirmed that she is talking shit about my parenting. I am a terrible mother, and supposedly everything in the world is my fault. I should never ever correct or yell at my kids. My baby should never, ever cry - even when I'm not physically at home.
My husband, I think, is strictly on the fence about this. He doesn't want the drama and has basically been ignoring my complaints. I want it all over with. I assume when she leaves, everything will go back to normal. Thank god. While she is here though, I think boundaries need to be set and maintained. I refuse to talk to her, so I will make my husband referee. He wants to keep the peace, fine. But I pre-warned him, don't be surprised if I just start yelling at her.
Also, the all night/day partying hasn't stopped. Bitch needs to grow the fuck up.
So things that annoy me about her:
- Her talking shit about me behind my back to my husband AND to who knows else. I can't even defend myself, as I don't know what is being said most of the time or to whom.
- Her judging my parenting, when she is not a parent herself and has no idea about fucking responsibility.
- Her attempting to rat me out to my husband like he is my mother or some shit.
- Her insulting me to my husband AND my children. (I caught her once telling the kids not to mind "mommy's temper because she is currently pregnant". Bull fucking shit. They were supposed to be doing something, and after the 10th time of telling them to do it..I was understandably peeved at them)
- Her attempting to steal my TV from me and using it against me as some sort of "selfish fault".
- Her late night/all day partying.
- Her purposefully quitting her job.
- Her obsession with that recovering drug addict. Leave the damn room once in a while. (I had kid #1 ask her if she wanted to play a game, and she left the room for 30 minutes before getting a text from druggie and disappearing again)
- Her avoidance of me. Obviously, I was insulted and my feelings were hurt when she first started doing this.
- Her drama ways and always a victim mentality. She is constantly acting like the world is against her and that the other person (whoever is her current target for slander) is full of shit. "Oh no, they had a fight...I need to somehow make this about me and threaten to leave, etc" ALL for attention.
- Her attention issues. She always has to be #1 in whomever's world. She even messaged some random DJ on facebook and was bitching about how he was engaged to another girl. Bitch, he doesn't know you. You'll be lucky if he responds back to you!
- Her outright lies.
- Her attempting to destroy my marriage and reputation.
- Her insulting me to my face, subtly. Just subtly enough that my husband has no idea what ticked me off until I point it out for him.
- Her playing married couple. They are not married. My children and I come first to him, she needs to learn how to deal with that and learn her place. Even her mother agrees that she doesn't understand her own new marriage, and has issues with this too.
- Not having her own space. She is currently sleeping in my youngest daughter's room. Originally she had an air mattress that had a hole in it, and was going to replace it after getting her first paycheck. I was going to clean out the entire office for her...but she decided not to do that. So, she is constantly holed up in my daughter's room and never leaves it.
- Her constantly texting my husband. This is different from the insult texts she sends him. I usually text my husband when he is working, because it keeps him entertained and it's how we communicate when he is gone for so long. She texts him nonstop all night long. It's extreme and makes it so he doesn't respond to ME.
- Her need to be alpha female in this house. No one can take away the title of mother from me. No female will ever top me in this damn house. She needs to learn her fucking place. What I say, goes. What she says, not important.
- Her eating me out of house and home. This includes my pregnancy only food, WITH "Mom Only" written on it. Her $150.00 does NOT cover her expenses.
- Her ungratefulness. We have done a LOT for her. We opened our home to her, and this is how she is repaying me.
- Her under minding my parenting. This is the top of the list for me. I posted a few specific examples, but she has gone above and beyond trying to basically tell the kids to ignore my/our rules of the house. I am SO done with this shti.
And...the list goes on!
Update: 12/9/14
SIl returned back to GA, where she belongs the day after Thanksgiving. Phew. Husband paid for her plane ticket and she reimbursed him. Double phew. She naturally didn't cover ALL her expenses here, but it was a big help. My husband drove her back to the shuttle (I told him no way was he driving across the snow covered canyon to get her on a plane) very early morning.
However, since she has returned...her dog was killed by a neighbor. She has made numerous facebook posts about how no one noticed, and no one truly cares about her. Her sister (whom I hate) has also made side comments on the posts about how she knows who her TRUE family is. Funny, because we didn't even know her dog has died until she posted that. I told my husband to call her, as it's not MY family but he should at least act like he gives a shit.
She also left a parting gift: The flu. It hit the girls and I hard the night she left. We know it came from her, as she was suffering from it two days prior (infected at a friend's house). The girls got over it in about a day or two. My husband, little man, and I were NOT so lucky. My husband wound up missing two weeks of work while all three of us were recovering. Little man is finally feeling better. I will be better by tomorrow, hopefully. Husband was better two days ago. We all felt like we were dying. It was terrible.
Husband actually wound up missing TOO many days of work, and is no longer working now. None of us could go 15 minutes without either puking or pooping ourselves. We were sleeping almost all day, or as long as possible. So, now he is out of work. I consider this situation a terrorist attack.
Good news though: He is going to apply to the at home position OR get a small part time job for while I am pregnant. We don't super need the money, but it helped out. So, it takes some stress off of him and it's been really nice having him home more - especially since I am not walking so much anymore.
Monday, November 3, 2014
Husband's Co-Worker Arrested - Negligent Homicide
My husband works the late shift at a call center (7:20pm-6:15am) with about 6 other people. He has a coworker who recently had been in an accident after getting off from his shift (he works the same shift as my husband). The guy he works with is a total dick (my husband has always disliked him but my husband was always too nice to get him to go away). Everyone hates him now, obviously.
Okay, so according to my husband (friends, Kalin, and newspapers) here is the jist of what happened the night/morning of the accident (Sept 25th, 2014):
Kalin went into work but kept falling asleep at his desk. So, all of the people near him kept poking/shaking him awake and he kept repetitively falling asleep. If you fall asleep at your desk, you get a point (10-12 and you are fired). He had 9 points at the time, so they kept waking him up so the Team Leader wouldn't see. Eventually, right before the end of shift, the TL does see and writes Kalin up for it. Even getting written up didn't phase Kalin, because he still continued to fall asleep afterwards. This was completely unlike him and had never happened before.
Kalin gets off shift and apparently falls asleep at the wheel. At around 6:30am, he hits a jeep that is turning in the left turn lane while he is in the left straight lane. (He basically clips the back right of the jeep) The jeep does a big u-turn and gets hit by an on-coming pick up truck. This happened on the only major road out of our tiny town. It was within minutes of the call center (~5 minutes). Kalin was driving a silver mini-van.
Here's where it gets fucked up...Kalin takes zero responsibility for the accident. He refuses to admit that he fell asleep (in the car or at work), even though everyone pretty much figured it out and basically SAW him falling asleep. He tells the cops that there was something wrong with his steering, and that is why he hit the jeep. So, the cops have to investigate...and it takes a LONG time to investigate (over 2 months) before people finally get fed up with his lies.
The guy he hit? Well, he died on impact. He had 2 kids. He wasn't wearing a seat belt. The pickup truck that hit the jeep (from opposing traffic) is destroyed but the driver is alive. Kalin had only a bruise on his chest from hitting the steering wheel. All 3 vehicles were demolished, basically.
So, while the cops are investigating...the coworkers (and hubby) are trying to figure out what to do with the information they keep getting from Kalin. But, they are all pretty much disgusted with him. It's one thing to make an honest mistake and fall asleep at the wheel (the dude KNEW he was too tired to work, let alone drive). What pissed everyone off was his attitude afterwards.
(People even offered to drive him home, but he refused. Everyone at work, hubby included, feels guilty about what happened...but they couldn't force Kalin NOT to drive when he is a grown adult. Hubby even called the cops right after Kalin left about him driving erratically, but they never pulled Kalin over. It looks like they never even responded to the 911 call he placed.)
Not only did the guy act like it wasn't a big deal, but he kept making comments like: "Oh, they won't charge me" "They have nothing on me!" Things like that. Basically acting like the complete dick that we all knew he was. His attitude about it pissed everyone off at work so bad, that they all ratted him out about how he was definitely falling asleep at work (and wasn't anymore awake before he left). So, they all did and he was arrested within 48 hours (October 31st, 2014). **I assume he most likely would not have been charged until people came forwards**
The cops actually DID walk into the call center and arrested him on the spot. He was cuffed and put into a squad car immediately, and transferred to the local jail for holding.
The charges include: Negligent homicide (Class A Misdemeanor) and Operating a Vehicle W/out Insurance (moving violation). His punishment will most likely be: Up to one year in jail, Up to $2,500 (for the AM) and we're unsure of what it will be for w/out a license (he could lose it forever).
My husband is just happy that he won't have to see him for at least 6 months, and he's finally getting punished for what happened. All of us are actually left feeling like Kalin actually deserves to get MORE time for what he did...but we understand that is not likely.
Here's his booking information - http://i.imgur.com/95MWNSP.jpg
The original news story on it (other sites might of copied this information, but didn't have as much detail) - http://www.cachevalleydaily.com/news/local/article_86cf9a9e-44b9-11e4-8145-0017a43b2370.html
The original article says that Kalin got into the turn lane, but that's not accurate. Kalin told coworkers and my husband that he fell asleep while in the straight lane, and somehow managed to hit the guy. Kalin doesn't remember falling asleep, but he remembers bits/pieces before and after. He does remember right after he hit the jeep, he remembers waking up to the "little bump" (it was far from little, Kalin was going around 50 mph).
His facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/kalin.menlove.5?fref=ts
No one knows why Kalin was passing out at work, he never said. He still refuses to accept responsibility (he is currently out on bail but not at work). Coworkers (and hubby) are due to testify about his behavior before/after the accident (we are hoping this won't be required though). I told my husband to spare no details about the type of person Kalin REALLY is when he went in with his side of Kalin's actions, and if possible to tell Purser's family how very sorry we are for their loss.
Update:
Local news have picked up the story again. Here is a semi-update on it. http://www.ksl.com/?sid=32213669&nid=
According to Kalin's interview (he IS still currently in jail), he had not slept for close to 72 hours before the accident. He only had about 3 hours of sleep in the 72 hours prior. He assumed that he could stay awake with energy drinks. Supposedly, he was driving without a license, too (this is unconfirmed...). Supposedly he was also working 2 jobs at the time, though none of my husband's coworkers remember him saying such a thing. (We think it's a bullshit excuse) Kalin had never had an issue falling asleep at work before this, so we're not sure...
There is an interview with the widow, and as you can see from the comments...he DID have two kids. Once again, we are VERY sorry for their loss and hope Kalin remains in prison for a very long time.
Update 2017:
http://www.cachevalleydaily.com/news/local/article_6fce6f1e-d75b-11e6-bdef-fbe7f7676686.html
The trial has been postponed. He is still fighting the case, claiming now that he looked over his shoulder to swap lanes and accidentally rear-ended the other driver. He still looks the same as he did before...
http://news.hjnews.com/allaccess/attorney-asks-judge-to-dismiss-manslaughter-case/article_fca890a2-9b5b-5c4e-8128-d7b0b3c6322d.html
The judge was also asked to dismiss the manslaughter case. This will be decided on Feb 7th.
http://news.hjnews.com/allaccess/judge-hears-testimony-in-drowsy-driving-manslaughter-case/article_032bb765-939c-5af8-ae19-0f600ce20a3c.html
Several of the coworkers have been testifying against him. The card game they were playing was Magic the Gathering, my husband is the one that started the tradition of playing the game during low call volumes.
http://www.sltrib.com/home/3082255-155/court-hearing-man-had-slept-3
Another report on it. My husband and the rest of the "team" all sat in the same bay. So, all of the coworkers' statements are the same to police (basically).
As shown in my comments below, my husband has already spoke with police and we are barely involved. The prosecutor should really interrogate the witnesses about his attitude at work AFTER the crash happened, because Kalin did continue to show up to work until he was fired. He did a lot of talking at work about the accident, and showed very little remorse.
Okay, so according to my husband (friends, Kalin, and newspapers) here is the jist of what happened the night/morning of the accident (Sept 25th, 2014):
Kalin went into work but kept falling asleep at his desk. So, all of the people near him kept poking/shaking him awake and he kept repetitively falling asleep. If you fall asleep at your desk, you get a point (10-12 and you are fired). He had 9 points at the time, so they kept waking him up so the Team Leader wouldn't see. Eventually, right before the end of shift, the TL does see and writes Kalin up for it. Even getting written up didn't phase Kalin, because he still continued to fall asleep afterwards. This was completely unlike him and had never happened before.
Kalin gets off shift and apparently falls asleep at the wheel. At around 6:30am, he hits a jeep that is turning in the left turn lane while he is in the left straight lane. (He basically clips the back right of the jeep) The jeep does a big u-turn and gets hit by an on-coming pick up truck. This happened on the only major road out of our tiny town. It was within minutes of the call center (~5 minutes). Kalin was driving a silver mini-van.
Here's where it gets fucked up...Kalin takes zero responsibility for the accident. He refuses to admit that he fell asleep (in the car or at work), even though everyone pretty much figured it out and basically SAW him falling asleep. He tells the cops that there was something wrong with his steering, and that is why he hit the jeep. So, the cops have to investigate...and it takes a LONG time to investigate (over 2 months) before people finally get fed up with his lies.
The guy he hit? Well, he died on impact. He had 2 kids. He wasn't wearing a seat belt. The pickup truck that hit the jeep (from opposing traffic) is destroyed but the driver is alive. Kalin had only a bruise on his chest from hitting the steering wheel. All 3 vehicles were demolished, basically.
So, while the cops are investigating...the coworkers (and hubby) are trying to figure out what to do with the information they keep getting from Kalin. But, they are all pretty much disgusted with him. It's one thing to make an honest mistake and fall asleep at the wheel (the dude KNEW he was too tired to work, let alone drive). What pissed everyone off was his attitude afterwards.
(People even offered to drive him home, but he refused. Everyone at work, hubby included, feels guilty about what happened...but they couldn't force Kalin NOT to drive when he is a grown adult. Hubby even called the cops right after Kalin left about him driving erratically, but they never pulled Kalin over. It looks like they never even responded to the 911 call he placed.)
Not only did the guy act like it wasn't a big deal, but he kept making comments like: "Oh, they won't charge me" "They have nothing on me!" Things like that. Basically acting like the complete dick that we all knew he was. His attitude about it pissed everyone off at work so bad, that they all ratted him out about how he was definitely falling asleep at work (and wasn't anymore awake before he left). So, they all did and he was arrested within 48 hours (October 31st, 2014). **I assume he most likely would not have been charged until people came forwards**
The cops actually DID walk into the call center and arrested him on the spot. He was cuffed and put into a squad car immediately, and transferred to the local jail for holding.
The charges include: Negligent homicide (Class A Misdemeanor) and Operating a Vehicle W/out Insurance (moving violation). His punishment will most likely be: Up to one year in jail, Up to $2,500 (for the AM) and we're unsure of what it will be for w/out a license (he could lose it forever).
My husband is just happy that he won't have to see him for at least 6 months, and he's finally getting punished for what happened. All of us are actually left feeling like Kalin actually deserves to get MORE time for what he did...but we understand that is not likely.
Here's his booking information - http://i.imgur.com/95MWNSP.jpg
The original news story on it (other sites might of copied this information, but didn't have as much detail) - http://www.cachevalleydaily.com/news/local/article_86cf9a9e-44b9-11e4-8145-0017a43b2370.html
The original article says that Kalin got into the turn lane, but that's not accurate. Kalin told coworkers and my husband that he fell asleep while in the straight lane, and somehow managed to hit the guy. Kalin doesn't remember falling asleep, but he remembers bits/pieces before and after. He does remember right after he hit the jeep, he remembers waking up to the "little bump" (it was far from little, Kalin was going around 50 mph).
His facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/kalin.menlove.5?fref=ts
No one knows why Kalin was passing out at work, he never said. He still refuses to accept responsibility (he is currently out on bail but not at work). Coworkers (and hubby) are due to testify about his behavior before/after the accident (we are hoping this won't be required though). I told my husband to spare no details about the type of person Kalin REALLY is when he went in with his side of Kalin's actions, and if possible to tell Purser's family how very sorry we are for their loss.
Update:
Local news have picked up the story again. Here is a semi-update on it. http://www.ksl.com/?sid=32213669&nid=
According to Kalin's interview (he IS still currently in jail), he had not slept for close to 72 hours before the accident. He only had about 3 hours of sleep in the 72 hours prior. He assumed that he could stay awake with energy drinks. Supposedly, he was driving without a license, too (this is unconfirmed...). Supposedly he was also working 2 jobs at the time, though none of my husband's coworkers remember him saying such a thing. (We think it's a bullshit excuse) Kalin had never had an issue falling asleep at work before this, so we're not sure...
There is an interview with the widow, and as you can see from the comments...he DID have two kids. Once again, we are VERY sorry for their loss and hope Kalin remains in prison for a very long time.
Update 2017:
http://www.cachevalleydaily.com/news/local/article_6fce6f1e-d75b-11e6-bdef-fbe7f7676686.html
The trial has been postponed. He is still fighting the case, claiming now that he looked over his shoulder to swap lanes and accidentally rear-ended the other driver. He still looks the same as he did before...
http://news.hjnews.com/allaccess/attorney-asks-judge-to-dismiss-manslaughter-case/article_fca890a2-9b5b-5c4e-8128-d7b0b3c6322d.html
The judge was also asked to dismiss the manslaughter case. This will be decided on Feb 7th.
http://news.hjnews.com/allaccess/judge-hears-testimony-in-drowsy-driving-manslaughter-case/article_032bb765-939c-5af8-ae19-0f600ce20a3c.html
Several of the coworkers have been testifying against him. The card game they were playing was Magic the Gathering, my husband is the one that started the tradition of playing the game during low call volumes.
http://www.sltrib.com/home/3082255-155/court-hearing-man-had-slept-3
Another report on it. My husband and the rest of the "team" all sat in the same bay. So, all of the coworkers' statements are the same to police (basically).
As shown in my comments below, my husband has already spoke with police and we are barely involved. The prosecutor should really interrogate the witnesses about his attitude at work AFTER the crash happened, because Kalin did continue to show up to work until he was fired. He did a lot of talking at work about the accident, and showed very little remorse.
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