So, as I have posted numerous times about before. There was yet again another issue at my daughter's school. Nice.
Just a bit of a backdrop. My daughter has been bullied since day 1 of school. Her teahcer is some 23 yr old idiot, that doesn't know how to handle kids at ALL. I attended her very first field trip just so I could see for myself whom was bullying my daughter, and see how other students interact with my child. What I saw for myself, with my OWN two eyes was two children (one being instigated by the other - a girl) pulling my daughter's hair and spitting on her. While she was sitting next to me. Great. So, who knows what is happening when no one is watching right? This was back in? Sept?
It just gets worse from there.
Nov 4th
Daughter is lost at school, Daughter's BFF's mother finds her.
For two hours my daughter was missing. The school, even to this day, refuses to admit that they had any wrongdoing in it. First off, it is school "policy" to have the teachers standing with the kindergarteners after school to make sure they go home with the appropriate parents. The teacher was not doing her job this day, or any other day. I didn't find out about this policy until AFTER this happened. Secondly, there is security, the principal, and numerous parents that volunteer to help with the after-school madness. None of them were around when this occurred. Thirdly, on the actual buses themselves, there are only 10 students per bus ALWAYS. This is a small town, and even the bus driver didn't notice my daughter was in the wrong place. Great. There are loads of safeguards for the students, to stop things like this from happening and none of them were adherred to.
Not only that, but it took 2 hours to find my daughter. The school likes to take credit for finding her, however they did not. Another parent called the school and knew she was not where she was supposed to be. Another parent found my child. Not. The. School.
Aside from that, after a lengthy discussion with the principal, he has decided to blame two 5 yr olds over the incident. Taking zero responsibility himself. He has yet to apologize for what has happened, and no I have never been late picking my daughter up from school.
Nov 11th
Daughter's BFF receives black eye for defending Daughter - says was a boy
BFF told he is a liar
Ok, so obviously the bullying has not stopped yet. This is an issue, and I address it with BFF's mother that night on the phone. We cannot pinpoint whom the offender is, but later realize it is a boy named Kanyon that did it because Riley (girl bully) decided to punish MY daughter for not being "cool". Yes, you heard it from here. My daughter was being bullied because this little snot of a girl needs a swift spanking. Bad parenting.
BFF tells a parent volunteering in the classroom, turns out to be Riley's mother, and is called a liar. It is never reported to anyone else.
Nov 15th
Daughter reports being poked, and is told she is a liar
Once again, my daughter is bullied again at school. She has started wetting the bed again. She cries when I mention taking her to school the next day. Informs me that Riley-bitch is still poking, pushing, and hitting her. Also informs me that she has been called a liar about the bullying to her face as well. Not a fan. I discuss this with teacher again.
Nov 18th
Riley poking and pushing Daughter on the "blue line"
No idea what the blue is. After much investigating, it turns out to be the blue line in front of the basketball hoop in the gym. I arm myself to talk to the teacher again, calm as always. I will be speaking to the teacher soon as school opens again.
Nov 21st
Daughter and BFF walk up to myself, teacher and BFF's mother. Riley pushed BFF in PE, in front of another teacher.
It is handlded swiftly. Until now, all school personnel have thought we were crazy in suggesting our children were being bullied. Now, they finally believe us.
December 15th
Daughter is punched in the face by BFF, school refuses to tell me the specifics of whom did it - citing school policy. I scream at said teachers.
Mind you, today was the worst day to have this happen. I was in the hospital for an overnight stay. I am having my gallbladder removed asap. Apparently, if I had of waited longer then another few hours I would be dead. I have a stone the size of my fist inside of my gallbladder and if I had not of been seen...I would be dead in 24-48 hrs. Nice huh?
While in the hospital, getting ready for emergency surgery, my brother receives a phone call stating that my daughter has been physically assaulted in school. We ask for specifics, due to the fact that we know it was either BFF or Riley-bitch. I am told that I need to ask my 5 yr old who hit her, due to school "policy". Huh? I AM SUPPOSED TO ASK MY 5 YR OLD WHOM HURT HER BECAUSE YOU ARE TOO CHICKEN SHIT TO TELL ME YOURSELF?
I MAKE the hospital sign me out so I can go handle this. I was supposed to be in an overnight stay. I put my surgery on hold to deal with this. I show up at the school, ask my daughter...yes it was BFF. BFF is a good kid, and I'm not surprised he is picking up these habits at school (he was not raised like this!) as they have been bullied for so long.
I am informed that my daughter was not in "any danger" (yeah right), and they cannot release that information to me - even though BFF and BFF's mother are standing right there. LOL This is laughable, at best. I am then also informed that this is a part of learning social skills. Since when is hitting, bullying, and losing my child part of learning social skills? It's not. I lose it, and start yelling that if something like this happens ONE MORE TIME I will rip my daughter out of their school. That I've been handling this VERY calmly until now, and I've had it with their garbage. I grab my daughter's hand, and tell her I am not sure if she will be attending the next day's school session.
Obviously, I should have kept my temper. However, when someone is in the hospital getting ready for surgery...do you really think it would be a wise move to call them and tell them you can't tell them WHO hit your kid? Really? This could have been handled better on THEIR part, during ALL instances. This is only the list of problems that I have documented.
I will be contacting my attorney about their negligence on numerous occassions, and I will also be contacting the super-intendent again. This will now be the 3rd time I have had to call him in regards to this school.
Otherwise, I'm super pissed.
Friday, December 16, 2011
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Texas Roadhouse - Logan, Utah
We're still undecided, but overall compared to say the Beehive...we prefer the Roadhouse EVERY time. Heck, the reason we started coming here was because the Beehive was absolutely horrendous to us over the last year or so of going to them. My review will be somewhat biased, as I will ALWAYS compare it to the bad food/service at the Beehive now. Sorry for the comparision, but that's just how awful the Beehive was to us. (We're military too, so we've been to a LOT of places...and out of ALL the horrible places, Beehive is definately in the worst of the worst group.)
In fact, whenever we talk to people about going to eat out - we always say to avoid the Beehive and instantly go to the Roadhouse. Not because the Roadhouse is super amazing or anything, but because the Beehive is actually THAT bad. We usually enjoy our time spent at the Roadhouse, and feel that even though it's a bit pricey...it's definately worth it. We go at least 2x a month.We all have picky tastes, and it's very difficult to find a place where we can all go to eat at. However, our entire family of 6, loves their rolls! So good! We almost always ask for an extra basket, because we finish them off fairly easily. The cinnamon butter (sp?) isn't that great, but it's butter so...eh. The rolls can stand alone without the butter, they are just THAT good.
I like the overall atmosphere of the Roadhouse, however sometimes it is VERY loud. Sometimes it is also very cold. This is nothing against them, as it is a general problem. The last time we went (about 1 week ago), I had to ask the waitress to turn off the ceiling fan over our head...as we were wearing our jackets and freezing our behinds off. We were seated in a booth directly behind the hostess stand. So everytime the door was opened, we felt it. My daughters were having to snuggle up against me just to try to stay warm - and in full jackets too. It was actually pretty weird. She did turn it off though, and my 3 yr old stopped clinging to me after a while.
I'm not a super meat fan, as I usually don't eat things like steak...but my husband does and he usually thinks the steak is "tolerable". In his terms that means, it's worth the price but it's not fantastic. We like their meat dishes in general, the ribs etc. It's all 150% better then anywhere else we have eaten at in Logan - so far.
I usually either order the chicken tenders or the salmon. The salmon is iffy sometimes, as it really depends on the chef. The one time I sent my salmon back (was about a month ago) for being undercooked, the manager came up to our table and apologized to us. It was a nice change from the Beehive pretty much sending us crap food and acting like I should love it. I think this is one of the main reasons why I continue to go back. That alone told me that they actually CARE about their customers.
When I don't order the chicken tenders, I order their burger with bacon/cheese on it. I usually order mine well done, but it almost always comes out as a dry block of meat. I don't think the chefs know how to cook a well done burger, so unless I'm actually craving a burger and usually even if I am - I don't order their burgers. My husband always tells me I should order it medium, but why should I change my taste buds just because the cooks can't make a juicy well done burger??
I like their side salads too, as the Beehive usually gives these mushy side salads - and it's always nice to be surprised at the fact that the Roahouse knows how to drain their lettuce. In fact, my husband usually gets a side salad with his meal just so I can eat it. ;P
The last time we went, my salmon was really greasy and I kept thinking to myself: "Hubby makes this better at home..." So, now I'll just stick with the chicken tenders. The chicken is almost always really good, and they give out HUGE portions of food. We usually wind up bringing lots of leftovers home. Please remember not to take their fries home, as they turn into a soggy mess within 2 hours of leaving the restaurant.
The children's menu is pretty much worse then what I'd make at home, but my kids like to eat out once in a while..so we originally tried to get them hot dogs or the mac n' cheese. The mac n' cheese has come out cold for us a few times (the cheese looked like lumps of goop a few times too), and the hot dog buns have been hard and really dry. That's why I usually order them the chicken tenders now, and sometimes they finish theirs off and try to steal MY chicken. LOL
Anyways...service is usually decent. We have had some bad times where the servers have completely forgotten about us AND our food, but that can be overlooked as we've had to deal with the Beehive before. I ALWAYS get carded for any alcoholic drink (I'm 30 yrs old....whatever no biggie). Also, apparently it's Utah law not to serve extra shots in alcoholic drinks? We learned that really fast. We're not big drinkers, but that huge marguarita (sp?) they offer has little to no alcohol in it...and we wanted to put an extra shot in it. Apparently, unless you get a great waiter who will bend the rules once in a while, they don't put extra alcohol in it (had a good waiter this week who put it on the side for my husband so he could pour it in himself). Meaning, you need to finish your huge drink first...then get another shot?? So weird. This is why I now order just a glass of wine, instead of their huge drinks. I'm not saying this because I like to get stone cold drunk, but because I'd like to not have a glass of chopped ice and little to NO alcohol in it. Seems to be completely pointless to call it an alcoholic drink if well...it's not really alcoholic.
We almost always have to wait at least 30-45minutes just for our appetizers. This past week, I didn't get my food until well after everyone else at the table did and I wound up just taking my entire order home and eating at home instead.The prices are a little high, especially compared to some of the other places in Logan...but some pluses are that they never forget to give my children crayons/something to draw on. They also try to seat families first. Which is good. Very good. We HAVE had a few times where we had to wait over an hour for just a seat, but that's understandable as the food is decent.
Another key note would be that even though they say to call ahead for seating, it's not guaranteed. We call ahead everytime, and still always have to wait anywhere from 30-1hr 30min just for a seat (especially on the weekends - Fri/Sat/Sun).
So yeah, my overally review is that we like the Roadhouse. Their food can sometimes be iffy, but it's Logan. I don't expect a 5 star restaurant. It's edible, and we usually have a good time when we go. Much, much better then the Beehive. We are more then happy to take our money to the Roadhouse instead.
In fact, whenever we talk to people about going to eat out - we always say to avoid the Beehive and instantly go to the Roadhouse. Not because the Roadhouse is super amazing or anything, but because the Beehive is actually THAT bad. We usually enjoy our time spent at the Roadhouse, and feel that even though it's a bit pricey...it's definately worth it. We go at least 2x a month.We all have picky tastes, and it's very difficult to find a place where we can all go to eat at. However, our entire family of 6, loves their rolls! So good! We almost always ask for an extra basket, because we finish them off fairly easily. The cinnamon butter (sp?) isn't that great, but it's butter so...eh. The rolls can stand alone without the butter, they are just THAT good.
I like the overall atmosphere of the Roadhouse, however sometimes it is VERY loud. Sometimes it is also very cold. This is nothing against them, as it is a general problem. The last time we went (about 1 week ago), I had to ask the waitress to turn off the ceiling fan over our head...as we were wearing our jackets and freezing our behinds off. We were seated in a booth directly behind the hostess stand. So everytime the door was opened, we felt it. My daughters were having to snuggle up against me just to try to stay warm - and in full jackets too. It was actually pretty weird. She did turn it off though, and my 3 yr old stopped clinging to me after a while.
I'm not a super meat fan, as I usually don't eat things like steak...but my husband does and he usually thinks the steak is "tolerable". In his terms that means, it's worth the price but it's not fantastic. We like their meat dishes in general, the ribs etc. It's all 150% better then anywhere else we have eaten at in Logan - so far.
I usually either order the chicken tenders or the salmon. The salmon is iffy sometimes, as it really depends on the chef. The one time I sent my salmon back (was about a month ago) for being undercooked, the manager came up to our table and apologized to us. It was a nice change from the Beehive pretty much sending us crap food and acting like I should love it. I think this is one of the main reasons why I continue to go back. That alone told me that they actually CARE about their customers.
When I don't order the chicken tenders, I order their burger with bacon/cheese on it. I usually order mine well done, but it almost always comes out as a dry block of meat. I don't think the chefs know how to cook a well done burger, so unless I'm actually craving a burger and usually even if I am - I don't order their burgers. My husband always tells me I should order it medium, but why should I change my taste buds just because the cooks can't make a juicy well done burger??
I like their side salads too, as the Beehive usually gives these mushy side salads - and it's always nice to be surprised at the fact that the Roahouse knows how to drain their lettuce. In fact, my husband usually gets a side salad with his meal just so I can eat it. ;P
The last time we went, my salmon was really greasy and I kept thinking to myself: "Hubby makes this better at home..." So, now I'll just stick with the chicken tenders. The chicken is almost always really good, and they give out HUGE portions of food. We usually wind up bringing lots of leftovers home. Please remember not to take their fries home, as they turn into a soggy mess within 2 hours of leaving the restaurant.
The children's menu is pretty much worse then what I'd make at home, but my kids like to eat out once in a while..so we originally tried to get them hot dogs or the mac n' cheese. The mac n' cheese has come out cold for us a few times (the cheese looked like lumps of goop a few times too), and the hot dog buns have been hard and really dry. That's why I usually order them the chicken tenders now, and sometimes they finish theirs off and try to steal MY chicken. LOL
Anyways...service is usually decent. We have had some bad times where the servers have completely forgotten about us AND our food, but that can be overlooked as we've had to deal with the Beehive before. I ALWAYS get carded for any alcoholic drink (I'm 30 yrs old....whatever no biggie). Also, apparently it's Utah law not to serve extra shots in alcoholic drinks? We learned that really fast. We're not big drinkers, but that huge marguarita (sp?) they offer has little to no alcohol in it...and we wanted to put an extra shot in it. Apparently, unless you get a great waiter who will bend the rules once in a while, they don't put extra alcohol in it (had a good waiter this week who put it on the side for my husband so he could pour it in himself). Meaning, you need to finish your huge drink first...then get another shot?? So weird. This is why I now order just a glass of wine, instead of their huge drinks. I'm not saying this because I like to get stone cold drunk, but because I'd like to not have a glass of chopped ice and little to NO alcohol in it. Seems to be completely pointless to call it an alcoholic drink if well...it's not really alcoholic.
We almost always have to wait at least 30-45minutes just for our appetizers. This past week, I didn't get my food until well after everyone else at the table did and I wound up just taking my entire order home and eating at home instead.The prices are a little high, especially compared to some of the other places in Logan...but some pluses are that they never forget to give my children crayons/something to draw on. They also try to seat families first. Which is good. Very good. We HAVE had a few times where we had to wait over an hour for just a seat, but that's understandable as the food is decent.
Another key note would be that even though they say to call ahead for seating, it's not guaranteed. We call ahead everytime, and still always have to wait anywhere from 30-1hr 30min just for a seat (especially on the weekends - Fri/Sat/Sun).
So yeah, my overally review is that we like the Roadhouse. Their food can sometimes be iffy, but it's Logan. I don't expect a 5 star restaurant. It's edible, and we usually have a good time when we go. Much, much better then the Beehive. We are more then happy to take our money to the Roadhouse instead.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Nervous wreck
I went to talk to a neighbor today, whom wasn't home but the husband was. I wanted to speak to her about the school my daughter is attending and what could possibly be done with homeschooling. Maybe it might be better? This woman runs a homeschool out of her house, so she is just the person to ask.
I was such a nervous wreck. I cried when I mentioned my daughter's bullying and schoolwork. Apparently, I'm horrible with people - which I already knew. But, really? To cry? Since when do I cry? What.the.fuck.
Now, I feel like I made such an ass out of myself that I can't even show my face again in public. I'm supposed to call the wife later and speak to her when she is home. I'm not sure how I'm going to do that. Uck!!!! I just hope I don't start crying again.
I was such a nervous wreck. I cried when I mentioned my daughter's bullying and schoolwork. Apparently, I'm horrible with people - which I already knew. But, really? To cry? Since when do I cry? What.the.fuck.
Now, I feel like I made such an ass out of myself that I can't even show my face again in public. I'm supposed to call the wife later and speak to her when she is home. I'm not sure how I'm going to do that. Uck!!!! I just hope I don't start crying again.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
How much is too much homework?
My daughter started school this year, Kindergarten, and I was super excited to be finally sending her to school. She's attending Woodruff Elementary School in Logan, Utah. She never attended pre-K because we are obviously a military family, and none of the pre-K's had room in their classes by the time we moved there. Anyways...let's get into the actual school experience. Don't get me started on the looks I have received just because her daddy is currently stationed somewhere else. They act like I'm divorced or something. Crazy. Also, they required me to turn in her medical records FOUR FUCKING TIMES before she was allowed to attend. I've also filled out her emergency sheet SIX times since she started school.
My daughter loves school. The kids at school (mostly) like her. They treat her like their younger sister, and take an effort in teaching her things she does not know (like how to zip up her jacket). That's good. However, there is a bully in her class that she has come home crying about (everyday for 2 weeks). My daughter isn't good with names and I don't really know the other kids, so when it was time for her first field trip - I signed right up. I was hoping to see first hand whom was picking on her, and boy did I see it.
The boy's name is Louis (changed name for privacy issues). We went to the Olde Mist Grill here in Logan. It was a great field trip, for the kids. However, the little snot that was picking on her decided to pick on her right to my fucking face - with comments like "K is a big baby" *insert crying motions here*. He pulled her hair on the bus, spit on her and even got another little girl (this other little girl has all the ear-marks of a "mean girl" in the making) to assist him in picking on her. The "mean girl" even went so far as to tell all of the other children, that kids with orange shirts on (my daughter was the only one wearing orange) were bad and not to be friends with her. Luckily none of the other kids listened to her. The nerve of that little snot, coming to MY face KNOWING I'm her mother and talking shit about her to ME! He did this numerous times on the field trip.
So, obviously after the field trip, I mentioned something to her teacher. Let me just say this: her teacher is about 24 yrs old, no kids, and newly married. On the field trip, we rode the city bus to our location, and she literally acted like the students didn't exist. When it came to entertaining the kids - I had to do it. Silly games, silly songs - all me. When it came to the kids not being able to see over each other, I was right there helping them or even sometimes picking them up. So, yeah, this isn't a great teacher. I also extremely dislike teachers whom teach kids, but don't have kids of their own. Some can be awesome, but most are fucking terrible with kids. Anyways...
So, I mention it to the teacher, and she is surprised that my daughter has been getting picked on. Really??? Okay...it took 5 minutes around the little snot to realize what was going on. So, she takes the little boy aside and talks to him about how picking on others is bad etc. Then, like the horrible teacher she is, brings him towards me (that's a bad idea - I'm a very angry parent at this time). So, now, I need to accept his fake apology and act like it's not a big deal. That is a HORRIBLE idea! Yes, pull him off to the side and talk to him about it. But, do NOT, NOT, bring him 5minutes later to me (right after you SAW how angry I was about it?) and expect me to accept this little shit's apology. Naturally, I'm a good parent and explained that it was okay but not to let it happen again. That if he wanted to be friends with my daughter, then good. But seriously? You couldn't just pull the snot aside by yourself? I know you wanted me to see that something had been done about it, but that REALLY WAS NOT the best way to handle that.
Ugh! Aside from the issues with the little snot, my daughter has been coming home with 4 HOURS of homework a NIGHT. The teacher has these little folders (yellow and purple) that the kids bring home with them, filled with new homework. Mind you, these are 5 yr olds, and most require the PARENT to read them off to their child because the children can't READ. It takes me 2 hours to seperate all the junk (my daughter's backpack is constantly full of crap the teacher sends home) from the homework - most of the crap is actually mixed and stapled onto the homework. Then it takes 4 hours doing her nightly homework with her. Can you imagine that? Getting a 5 yr old to sit still that long?! Oh my fucking god. It's such a pain in the ass.
Then, to top it all off, I got a call this friday telling me that her speech teacher is going to be sending home even MORE homework. Are you fucking shitting me?! COME ON! I've sat in with my daughter's class and the teacher pretty much just plays with them all day long (2 hours of school just about), then they come home with all the important shit that the parents have to help with. This teacher is pretty much fucking worthless.
I'm going to talk to a neighbor of mine whom does homeschooling, about how she feels about this whole mess. It's either I homeschool her, the neighbor homeschools, she stays in school where she is, or I enroll her in the charter school.
But, my question for you all is: how much homework is too much for kindergarten? I feel 6 hours (starting monday) is WAY too much homework. I'm just tired of all the bullshit I need to do. Let's not even get started on the extra projects these tools keep giving my kid (the gingerbread man is missing!). I'm seriously losing it.
PS. My daughter has been getting tested all year, and coming home with failing grades (yet the teacher says she's doing amazing??). Do you know she was required to write out her full 9-letter name, her address, her phone number? Do you know she's also required to be able to rhyme 30 words easily, count to 30, know how to write/read upper and lowercase letters, how to draw triangles - squares - rectangles - circles and be able to write down what they are, know all the starting sounds of all letters, and know how to read a set list of words (and at the me etc). That's just the start of the requirements. Do you know if your child fails something, it's usually because the person testing them asks the questions off a set script. My daughter didn't know the meaning of the word "sort" (we call it grouping) and failed that section.
So yeah, I feel like this "kindergarten" - which by the way isn't required by the state to attend, is overrated. I remember kindergarten being a play time, without all these crazy requirements. Why is it my daughter learns nothing at school, comes home and learns it from me...instead of the teacher? Why is it that they require and test our children for all this insane list of shit, when they aren't learning it at school?!
My daughter loves school. The kids at school (mostly) like her. They treat her like their younger sister, and take an effort in teaching her things she does not know (like how to zip up her jacket). That's good. However, there is a bully in her class that she has come home crying about (everyday for 2 weeks). My daughter isn't good with names and I don't really know the other kids, so when it was time for her first field trip - I signed right up. I was hoping to see first hand whom was picking on her, and boy did I see it.
The boy's name is Louis (changed name for privacy issues). We went to the Olde Mist Grill here in Logan. It was a great field trip, for the kids. However, the little snot that was picking on her decided to pick on her right to my fucking face - with comments like "K is a big baby" *insert crying motions here*. He pulled her hair on the bus, spit on her and even got another little girl (this other little girl has all the ear-marks of a "mean girl" in the making) to assist him in picking on her. The "mean girl" even went so far as to tell all of the other children, that kids with orange shirts on (my daughter was the only one wearing orange) were bad and not to be friends with her. Luckily none of the other kids listened to her. The nerve of that little snot, coming to MY face KNOWING I'm her mother and talking shit about her to ME! He did this numerous times on the field trip.
So, obviously after the field trip, I mentioned something to her teacher. Let me just say this: her teacher is about 24 yrs old, no kids, and newly married. On the field trip, we rode the city bus to our location, and she literally acted like the students didn't exist. When it came to entertaining the kids - I had to do it. Silly games, silly songs - all me. When it came to the kids not being able to see over each other, I was right there helping them or even sometimes picking them up. So, yeah, this isn't a great teacher. I also extremely dislike teachers whom teach kids, but don't have kids of their own. Some can be awesome, but most are fucking terrible with kids. Anyways...
So, I mention it to the teacher, and she is surprised that my daughter has been getting picked on. Really??? Okay...it took 5 minutes around the little snot to realize what was going on. So, she takes the little boy aside and talks to him about how picking on others is bad etc. Then, like the horrible teacher she is, brings him towards me (that's a bad idea - I'm a very angry parent at this time). So, now, I need to accept his fake apology and act like it's not a big deal. That is a HORRIBLE idea! Yes, pull him off to the side and talk to him about it. But, do NOT, NOT, bring him 5minutes later to me (right after you SAW how angry I was about it?) and expect me to accept this little shit's apology. Naturally, I'm a good parent and explained that it was okay but not to let it happen again. That if he wanted to be friends with my daughter, then good. But seriously? You couldn't just pull the snot aside by yourself? I know you wanted me to see that something had been done about it, but that REALLY WAS NOT the best way to handle that.
Ugh! Aside from the issues with the little snot, my daughter has been coming home with 4 HOURS of homework a NIGHT. The teacher has these little folders (yellow and purple) that the kids bring home with them, filled with new homework. Mind you, these are 5 yr olds, and most require the PARENT to read them off to their child because the children can't READ. It takes me 2 hours to seperate all the junk (my daughter's backpack is constantly full of crap the teacher sends home) from the homework - most of the crap is actually mixed and stapled onto the homework. Then it takes 4 hours doing her nightly homework with her. Can you imagine that? Getting a 5 yr old to sit still that long?! Oh my fucking god. It's such a pain in the ass.
Then, to top it all off, I got a call this friday telling me that her speech teacher is going to be sending home even MORE homework. Are you fucking shitting me?! COME ON! I've sat in with my daughter's class and the teacher pretty much just plays with them all day long (2 hours of school just about), then they come home with all the important shit that the parents have to help with. This teacher is pretty much fucking worthless.
I'm going to talk to a neighbor of mine whom does homeschooling, about how she feels about this whole mess. It's either I homeschool her, the neighbor homeschools, she stays in school where she is, or I enroll her in the charter school.
But, my question for you all is: how much homework is too much for kindergarten? I feel 6 hours (starting monday) is WAY too much homework. I'm just tired of all the bullshit I need to do. Let's not even get started on the extra projects these tools keep giving my kid (the gingerbread man is missing!). I'm seriously losing it.
PS. My daughter has been getting tested all year, and coming home with failing grades (yet the teacher says she's doing amazing??). Do you know she was required to write out her full 9-letter name, her address, her phone number? Do you know she's also required to be able to rhyme 30 words easily, count to 30, know how to write/read upper and lowercase letters, how to draw triangles - squares - rectangles - circles and be able to write down what they are, know all the starting sounds of all letters, and know how to read a set list of words (and at the me etc). That's just the start of the requirements. Do you know if your child fails something, it's usually because the person testing them asks the questions off a set script. My daughter didn't know the meaning of the word "sort" (we call it grouping) and failed that section.
So yeah, I feel like this "kindergarten" - which by the way isn't required by the state to attend, is overrated. I remember kindergarten being a play time, without all these crazy requirements. Why is it my daughter learns nothing at school, comes home and learns it from me...instead of the teacher? Why is it that they require and test our children for all this insane list of shit, when they aren't learning it at school?!
Monday, October 10, 2011
Injections Updated
Meant to update this earlier. Had it all written out, then my power went out - again. Not sure why, but my power goes out every 2-3 days for no reason at all. It completely baffles the power company too. They are no help at all.
Anyways...I had my new treatment done about 2 weeks ago. It turns out that the injections I was getting were supposed to only be done 1-2 times a YEAR. I was doing at least double that. Apparently, it has the potential to completely kill off ALL nerve endings ALL OVER your body. Not just where the injection spot is. So, as a precaution you are only supposed to have it done sparingly. This was not the case with me, obviously.
So, my doctor did some quick thinking and she swapped some of the fluids in the injections. She basically lessoned the "alcohol"-content vs. the numbing content. So, basically what she did was added in even more numbing medication into the injections instead of more alcohol-shit. Which is good, because it didn't hurt near as much.
However, after two weeks of the new injection, my cyst has already come back. With the old injections, I was lasting about a month before the cysts would come back and 2-3 months before I needed another injection. Great. So, it seems that while it helps with not killing me - it doesn't seem to stand up to the "no cyst test". The old injections were obviously better.
But, are the injections better compared to everything else I have tried? Yes. The overally consesus I have is yes. Sure, the injections hurt like a fucking bitch. But, in the end, the injections have actually stopped the cysts from recurring so often. That is a definate good sign.
My doctor also said that after about 3 years of these injections, they should have enough effect on my nerves and cysts to completely/hopefully stop all cysts from ever coming back. Hopefully. Time will only tell.
PS. I really hate stupid people. My original appointment was on a monday and got the phonecall verifying it on sunday. Showed up, and the new girl behind the desk told me my actual appointment was on tues instead. Really? What.the.fuck. Before you ask, I have some serious OCD. No way in hell I had the days wrong.
Anyways...I had my new treatment done about 2 weeks ago. It turns out that the injections I was getting were supposed to only be done 1-2 times a YEAR. I was doing at least double that. Apparently, it has the potential to completely kill off ALL nerve endings ALL OVER your body. Not just where the injection spot is. So, as a precaution you are only supposed to have it done sparingly. This was not the case with me, obviously.
So, my doctor did some quick thinking and she swapped some of the fluids in the injections. She basically lessoned the "alcohol"-content vs. the numbing content. So, basically what she did was added in even more numbing medication into the injections instead of more alcohol-shit. Which is good, because it didn't hurt near as much.
However, after two weeks of the new injection, my cyst has already come back. With the old injections, I was lasting about a month before the cysts would come back and 2-3 months before I needed another injection. Great. So, it seems that while it helps with not killing me - it doesn't seem to stand up to the "no cyst test". The old injections were obviously better.
But, are the injections better compared to everything else I have tried? Yes. The overally consesus I have is yes. Sure, the injections hurt like a fucking bitch. But, in the end, the injections have actually stopped the cysts from recurring so often. That is a definate good sign.
My doctor also said that after about 3 years of these injections, they should have enough effect on my nerves and cysts to completely/hopefully stop all cysts from ever coming back. Hopefully. Time will only tell.
PS. I really hate stupid people. My original appointment was on a monday and got the phonecall verifying it on sunday. Showed up, and the new girl behind the desk told me my actual appointment was on tues instead. Really? What.the.fuck. Before you ask, I have some serious OCD. No way in hell I had the days wrong.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Yard Update
Our evil neighbors who offered to pay for their half of the fence, actually haven't paid us. They even had the nerve to tell the entire neighborhood they would pay, but now they are going back on the deal and acting like they never said they would help pay for it. Their oldest son even managed to break one of my solar lights in the front yard too (they have not paid to replace it). Youngest son of theirs broke a few slats trying to get into our yard, but we had replacement wood and I fixed it within an hour of noticing it. Peachy. Wonderful people, really. Good neighbors said that they were probably all for paying it when it just an "idea", but changed their minds once they actually saw the work being done (this idea was mentioned to evil neighbors a week before we actually installed the fence, and we gave them a timeline). We figured they would change their mind, so we actually installed the fence about 8 inches onto OUR property. This way, even if they wanted to paint it, they can't touch it at all. If anything happens to the fence, they are liable for it. Apparently, they don't realize how big of a bill they are racking up with us so far. I have kept a tally of everything their kids have done to my yard, and how much they owe us for their half of the fence. I don't think I will press the issue unless it gets to be a huge amount.
Okay, so my fence was actually installed within a week of my last posting. However, the gates near the driveway tend to bend in the wind and we had to brace it. It will be fixed as soon as I finish the pathway and the extra brick driveway. It also has problems opening due to my ground being littered with all of that gravel. Yes, we kept the gravel there and are planning on putting the sand on top of the gravel (less work) for the brick path. We still have piles of gravel and rocks that no one wants.
Since my last post we actually leveled out some of the mounds in the front yard, and have closed the river in the front yard. It's just dirt now, so I'm sure it looks horrible. Our good neighbors have been stealing our plants, with our permission. However, the poplar trees in our yard (front and back) can't be removed without a saw. So, next year we will be removing those and planting better ones (with much smaller roots). The problem with the poplar trees is that their root systems are so long, that they actually go from backyard to frontyard (and vice versa). I even have some of their roots starting to try to make more trees in my yard. I thought they were a new form of weed, but it turns out they actually aren't weeds... The roots are starting to break apart my foundation on the house, so every week I go outside and rip them out.
I HAVE started on the brick path, but it turns out the worst part about that is actually removing the old bricks. Each weigh a lot, and it's been about 100 degrees here. So, I manage to get 5 bricks out (not many at all) and then I'm too hot to continue. We put up the pool, so I am constantly dunking myself to stay cool.
We ordered my rose bushes, but they will not be arriving until next April. Something about them not blooming in the winter. We are also picking out our trees very carefully. We figure we want the new trees planted before we remove the old ones. We'd rather not lose the only shade we have in our yard.
No one has come to pick up any more rocks. I have resorted to putting parts of the piles into the car and dumping them at the local river. It actually turns out that the old owners were stealing them from the good neighbors' yard. This is such a lovely neighborhood. The good neighbors have been taking what they can, but so far, we have only managed to fill in the "river" of the front yard, remove a few bricks, and two mounds. It's a lot of work for me. I can't manage to get the grass to grow in the front yard where I removed the mounds. I have tried every trick you guys told me to try, and I am resorting to ordering sod next year.
So yeah, that's my update. I'll even give you a picture of the mound we removed in the front, and where we filled in part of the river. As you can tell, I did put down some grass seed...and yes I did remove the rocks before I move the dirt to fill in the holes. It turns out if I leave the rocks underneath the soil, the rocks will actually heat up in the sun and kill our grass. (Good neighbors had the same problem)
http://i56.tinypic.com/24e99pd.jpg
Okay, so my fence was actually installed within a week of my last posting. However, the gates near the driveway tend to bend in the wind and we had to brace it. It will be fixed as soon as I finish the pathway and the extra brick driveway. It also has problems opening due to my ground being littered with all of that gravel. Yes, we kept the gravel there and are planning on putting the sand on top of the gravel (less work) for the brick path. We still have piles of gravel and rocks that no one wants.
Since my last post we actually leveled out some of the mounds in the front yard, and have closed the river in the front yard. It's just dirt now, so I'm sure it looks horrible. Our good neighbors have been stealing our plants, with our permission. However, the poplar trees in our yard (front and back) can't be removed without a saw. So, next year we will be removing those and planting better ones (with much smaller roots). The problem with the poplar trees is that their root systems are so long, that they actually go from backyard to frontyard (and vice versa). I even have some of their roots starting to try to make more trees in my yard. I thought they were a new form of weed, but it turns out they actually aren't weeds... The roots are starting to break apart my foundation on the house, so every week I go outside and rip them out.
I HAVE started on the brick path, but it turns out the worst part about that is actually removing the old bricks. Each weigh a lot, and it's been about 100 degrees here. So, I manage to get 5 bricks out (not many at all) and then I'm too hot to continue. We put up the pool, so I am constantly dunking myself to stay cool.
We ordered my rose bushes, but they will not be arriving until next April. Something about them not blooming in the winter. We are also picking out our trees very carefully. We figure we want the new trees planted before we remove the old ones. We'd rather not lose the only shade we have in our yard.
No one has come to pick up any more rocks. I have resorted to putting parts of the piles into the car and dumping them at the local river. It actually turns out that the old owners were stealing them from the good neighbors' yard. This is such a lovely neighborhood. The good neighbors have been taking what they can, but so far, we have only managed to fill in the "river" of the front yard, remove a few bricks, and two mounds. It's a lot of work for me. I can't manage to get the grass to grow in the front yard where I removed the mounds. I have tried every trick you guys told me to try, and I am resorting to ordering sod next year.
So yeah, that's my update. I'll even give you a picture of the mound we removed in the front, and where we filled in part of the river. As you can tell, I did put down some grass seed...and yes I did remove the rocks before I move the dirt to fill in the holes. It turns out if I leave the rocks underneath the soil, the rocks will actually heat up in the sun and kill our grass. (Good neighbors had the same problem)
http://i56.tinypic.com/24e99pd.jpg
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Nerve Endings Updated
This is now the 3rd update on the nerve endings. So, I just had my 2nd treatment done and I'm still feeling some of the effects of it. I obviously am still having cysts, but not as often. I also noticed something new. The treatment actually messes with my menstrual cycle. It's been about two months since I last pms'd. I think this is due to the fact that this treatment is pretty painful, so it threw my body for a loop.
I have talked to my doctor again about what the purpose of this treatment is. The purpose is to permanently kill my nerve endings. Meaning, the more times I go in to have this sort of treatment, the less times my cysts pop up and hurt all the more. So far, I am about 2 months in between treatments before I give up and call the doctor.
Does the pain during the treatments lessened over time? No, the treatment actually hurts the same amount each and everytime.
Does the treatment stop the cysts from regrowing so much? Yes, to an extent. As we have seen before, nothing is 100% perfect. It DOES lessen the cysts, but not by too much. Thus far, this has been the only thing to have come somewhat close to even lessening it - including the marsupializations.
So why put up with it if it's not doing that much? Well, obviously if it's doing something then it is worth the effort put into it. If there is a slim chance of helping the situation, I will try it or have already tried it before.
Are there any other side effects besides pain? Yes, actually. The treatment has caused a lot of my cysts to fill with a brownish goo. I'm told that this is because my nerve endings are dying, and this is what they look like afterwards. So, expect to have that come out of your cysts.
Another side effect would be on my husband. He has become increasingly overwhelmed. He feels downtrodden because he cannot help the situation, and has to constantly be picking up my slack. Remember to keep an eye out for your partner's needs too. I have been ignoring his needs (emotional needs) lately, and it has obviously taken a toll on him. He feels bone tired lately.
I have talked to my doctor again about what the purpose of this treatment is. The purpose is to permanently kill my nerve endings. Meaning, the more times I go in to have this sort of treatment, the less times my cysts pop up and hurt all the more. So far, I am about 2 months in between treatments before I give up and call the doctor.
Does the pain during the treatments lessened over time? No, the treatment actually hurts the same amount each and everytime.
Does the treatment stop the cysts from regrowing so much? Yes, to an extent. As we have seen before, nothing is 100% perfect. It DOES lessen the cysts, but not by too much. Thus far, this has been the only thing to have come somewhat close to even lessening it - including the marsupializations.
So why put up with it if it's not doing that much? Well, obviously if it's doing something then it is worth the effort put into it. If there is a slim chance of helping the situation, I will try it or have already tried it before.
Are there any other side effects besides pain? Yes, actually. The treatment has caused a lot of my cysts to fill with a brownish goo. I'm told that this is because my nerve endings are dying, and this is what they look like afterwards. So, expect to have that come out of your cysts.
Another side effect would be on my husband. He has become increasingly overwhelmed. He feels downtrodden because he cannot help the situation, and has to constantly be picking up my slack. Remember to keep an eye out for your partner's needs too. I have been ignoring his needs (emotional needs) lately, and it has obviously taken a toll on him. He feels bone tired lately.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Nerve Endings x2
Okay, so I did a post a while back about them killin my nerve endings and how I would need to do it again every 1-2 months because they regrow. This is my update on how the overall status of my cysts were AFTER the treatment. I wanted to wait a while before I posted again, and had my facts straight.
Basically, the overall process is painful as shit. I explained it in a blog post a few posts ago. But, after the first week (and the initial numbness sets in) it DOES help loosen the cyst area so that the drainage is a little better. I was laid out on the bed for the entire day I had it done and extra day, just because everytime I moved it was additional unneeded pain.
It DID help with my pain, and I had only 4 cysts as compared to my 12+ cysts I would usually have. So yes, it is worth it to try. Painful as shit proceedure, but in the long run a lot better then before.
I'm not sure really sure what else I sure add on to this. I'm going in tomorrow for same exact thing to be done, and I want to make sure if it will have the same desired effect again.
PS. Doctor is thinking of having another marsupialization done on the opposite side, even though I do NOT get cysts as much over there. It might help overall though., or be something quirky where it effects the other side. We're not sure if it will help or not.
Basically, the overall process is painful as shit. I explained it in a blog post a few posts ago. But, after the first week (and the initial numbness sets in) it DOES help loosen the cyst area so that the drainage is a little better. I was laid out on the bed for the entire day I had it done and extra day, just because everytime I moved it was additional unneeded pain.
It DID help with my pain, and I had only 4 cysts as compared to my 12+ cysts I would usually have. So yes, it is worth it to try. Painful as shit proceedure, but in the long run a lot better then before.
I'm not sure really sure what else I sure add on to this. I'm going in tomorrow for same exact thing to be done, and I want to make sure if it will have the same desired effect again.
PS. Doctor is thinking of having another marsupialization done on the opposite side, even though I do NOT get cysts as much over there. It might help overall though., or be something quirky where it effects the other side. We're not sure if it will help or not.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Bartholian Cysts (Old Journal Entries)
~*~ January 20th, 2008
REAL facts about Bartholin Cysts
I got my first bartholin cyst when I was 12 (!!!). I was definately not sexually active. I have had them recurring ever since, at first it was only one cyst every year or so - sometimes more. I am now 25. I have been with one man, my husband, and he with one woman, me. I definately do NOT have STDs. I do NOT wear tight pants. I DO have GREAT hygeine.
When I was 20 and had recently give birth to my first child, another cyst showed up. By then I was averaging about 2-4 every month. Usually they didn't go away for months at a time. The pain is unbearable, it was worse than pre-labor pains for me.
I went to the family medical center. We are army, so we were seen immediately as soon as I put in the appointment. By then my one cyst had been around for about 4 months continiously growing to the size of my daughter's head! No lie, it was about the size of a small ball. It was HUGE!!!
The MALE doctor didn't know what it was. He snickered at the pain I said I was having. I told him to look carefully because the thing is pretty huge and I need something done about it. Then I told him to imagine his nuts to swell that big, that stopped almost all the snickering.
He went to go look up what it was, when he came back it was to tell me what it was. He suggested we put a word catheter in it. (I now regret this) He told me to keep it in place for 14 weeks (another mistake, after much research it's only supposed to be 4 weeks max).
He drained my cyst/tumor. The smell was awful. My mother was there crying, holding my hand telling me it was disgusting. Know how he drained it? He jsut shoved a needle into it and it popped. Excruciating pain. He was trying to numb me up. It didn't work. So there I am screaming my head off, my mother crying, and this jerk has the nerve to say "gee look painful".
Weeks pass, the catheter falls out at 13 weeks. I go through a good 3-4 more cysts and draining before I make a resolve to get this completely fixed. I go back in to the doctor, I see a female doctor this time. She tells me she's had it before. She refers me to a specialist. We find out I'm pregnant. I go through an entire pregnancy with another huge cyst. It stays there for over 13 months. Never draining, never stopping the pain. I'm popping pain pills like nuts. I recently moved. Just had my 2nd daughter. FINALLY I can do something about this again.
As of about 3 weeks ago, I saw another specialist. She told me the statistics.
- Women dealing with this under 30: 2% of all women in the world
- Women dealing with recurring cysts: .001% of those previously mentioned 2% women.
I am a rare breed, apparently. She goes on to tell me that it has been rumored that it is actually GENETIC, or so she thinks. My mother has had ovarion cysts, my grandmom has had bartholin cysts. This makes complete sense to me. She tells me she wants to do a marsupialization on it.
I am currently scheduled to have mine done tomorrow. As for the up and walking around in 2 days, that's a lie. There is a high risk for nerve damage (50%), and a high risk of recurrance (45%) with just the marsupialization when it's done on women like me. With the excision (removing the gland) the recurrance will drop to 15%, they will be doing this if the gland becomes a problem during the surgery.
Since some of these posts are old, I thought I'd throw that information out there. I've tried everything I could find on the internet to get rid of these cysts. Herbal rememdies, pain killers, antibiotics, none of it worked. Those sitz baths btw, they prescribe that for everything...and seriously, never worked for me not even post-childbirth.
Here are some facts some of you may want to know about Marsupialization that my doctor told me.
- You have a risk of hemoraghing (spelling?)
- You may need a blood transfusion
- You need to pick out your anethetic, and there are over 100s to pick from (how you will be doped up)
- You will have a therapist assigned to you afterwards
- It is a walk-in, walk-out same day proceedure lasting total 3 hours
- You DO have a chance of recurrance, but this helps lessen it
- They MAY need to do some minor surgery on important parts on you, like your uretha/uterus/etc, IF the cyst has grown so big and up that far
- They MAY need to remove dead tissue (they do with me)
- You will be on required bedrest for at least a month, some women take up to 3 months to just be able to sit down
- It MAY cause nerve damage, resulting in ghost pains
- It MAY affect your future sex life, not being able to get wet etc
- It WILL help you stop getting pain when you get turned on (happens to me), will stop the fevers (happens to me), will stop problems getting wet (happens to me)
- They MAY need to repair your bartholin cyst tube (leading to the cyst) or remove it all together
- As for the clown that stated that they were nauseous because they didn't eat before the surgery, I'm going to call junkies on that. You are told not to eat after MIDNIGHT the night before, and the surgery is usually scheduled at 6am-9am. Not that long without a snack, eh ladies?
- Do not take any pain pills within 10 days of your surgery because it will dillute your blood.
Because I am such a rare breed, I have dead tissue outside of my labia. They will be removing a part of my vagina as well. Apparently the recurring cysts caused dead tissue, and that tissue needs to be removed.
Overall, I believe the nuts that talk about herbal remedies...are nuts. There are SOME things that can be fixed with herbs. This is NOT one of them, at least for me.
There is no common cause for this. Don't let anyone tell you that you are dirty/disease filled. I have told every single one of those doctors off when they asked me that question. You will have worries about looking like a freak, you will be VERY depressed because this is a lifelong thing that will never go away, and you will DEFINATELY at some point consider this surgery. In a few days I'll let you know how I'm feeling then.
I'm one of those chicks that would rather limit the chance of recurrance than know for a fact I was going to have this for such a long time. Like I said, everyone is different, but these are ALL the facts that I was presented with myself. I wanted to personally put a stop to all of the fake rumors going around about this surgery and the cysts in general (which are also referred to as benign tumors).
By the way, my word catheter was inserted completely wrong by that MALE doctor. I have since been told it will take ANOTHER surger to repair the damaged tissue.
Thought I'd also add that it's also called a TUMOR because if they drain it and do NOT remove ALL of the cyst, it WILL grow back.
They CAN use lazers on it, but prefer not to because obviously lazers are not that reliable in this day and age. Especially for such a SMALL, SENSITIVE, easy to mess up proceedure.
The dead tissue occurs when your cysts POPS (like other women have said they purposely done to themselves, bad idea). The icky fluid inside will leak into other various parts of your body and fester..make it worse and destroying your tissue in the process.
That's all I was told, as of this morning at my appointment with my anethesiologist.
~*~ January 21, 2008
I've had the marsupialization done. Like I promised, I'm going to update for you. The pain is nothing compared to SVD, severe vaginal delivery, of my two kids. This is completely managable pain. I'm sitting down, walking some-what, and even attempted to play with my eldest today.
Basically surgery went like this, went in did my vitals. They amazingly lost my lab work (gah!). I had to give more blood. After that it was a bunch of waiting in about 3 different waiting rooms. I showed up at 5:40am. Because I am allergic to latex I had to be first one to have surgery that day. At about 7:30am they were inserting my IV and giving me pain medication.
I don't remember a thing. I was asleep the entire time from 7:30am till noon. I went home at noon, my husband drove. Don't bring your kids to wait around like we did, it's a major hassle for you.
They have me on vicodin, perceset, and motrin. The vicodin has been make me have hot flashes and puke like once an hour. It helps a lot with the pain though, so I'm dealing with it.
It doesn't hurt to pee as much as it did before, and I'm actually sitting down in my computer chair with a pillow under me while I write this.
Compared to stitches after childbirth, this is nothing. Just tired of the puking. lol
~*~ January 26th, 2008
I'm back to basically normal. I've slowly adjusted to the vicodin. Bad reactions all over the place. Now, I'm used to taking it. I don't bother taking it if I'm not much pain, and don't take it at night. It does make me blurry and sluggish, so I can't drive. I don't take the perceset (spelling?), or the motrin. Just the vicodin when I need it.
I am chasing my girls, and barely having to rest. This is a LOT better than giving birth. ;P I feel like I was worried for nothing now. The stitches itch but that's about it. Oh, and I need to be really slow/careful when I move around. Learned yesterday that when I tripped on a toy, it hurts like hell.
They told me no sex for another 3 weeks, but I feel ready for it in about A week. They said no lifting anything more than 2lbs for a month, yet I was lifting my 6month old the day OF with no problems. I'm now at the stage to start picking up my 3 yr old with barely a problem.
So far healing is great. There has been some discharge, and the bleeding stopped within 2 days. I noticed I'm not having any more pain when I get turned on, no problems peeing even after the surgery (TY GOD!), and no problems getting wet - it's like I'm a constant fountain!
Only complaint...wish they would have told me it was going to be this easy and other women didn't act like it was the end of the world to get this surgery. This is by far the easiest thing I've done in my life.
Childbirth is about 100% harder than this. ;P Anyone that compains about this surgery really needs to try giving birth to two kids, pre-labor pains hold much more pain than this. And post-labor stitches. Wow. Don't even go there with me. This is completely EASY to handle.
Pain has gone down from pre-cyst 11, to about a 1 with the medication. Without medication it's about a 3-4. Not really bad at all.
I expect to be back to normal next week. No complications, no problems. If I do get another cyst, I'll consider just removing the other gland. It's the same thing I'm going through now. No biggie. Don't know why others had so many problems. I can honestly say this is the first time in a long time that I feel normal. It's great.
~*~ February 1st, 2008
It's been about two weeks. I ran out of vicodin within a week and a half. (30 pills, just in case I was a pill pusher or something..dunno?) The motrin was completely worthless, and didn't bother taking any of the other pills they gave me. I'm living off of advil.
Pain is small. About a 1-2 daily without even advil. I did have a hiccup after surgery. I started bleeding randomly, a lot. Almost went to the emergency room. Waited it out a few days, and it's stopped again.
Stitches are really starting to itch. Have started having sex again. Hurt the first few times (started 2 days ago), otherwise it's just a little tender.
Back to normal activities. Moving a little slow, but not much. Picking up things, bending over, peeing , sex. Everything is about normal.
The hole where they cut for me to drain inside is getting smaller. It's about the size of a pencil eraser now (the very small ones). Have been having discharge, bloody, brown and gross. Nothing major. It'll stop in another week I'm told.
I'm like a fountain, can't stop getting wet down there. Kind of odd. Otherwise no complaints. It was a great, and very sucessful surgery. Stitches are water-solluble so they should come out on their own in time. Sitz baths are awesome to just relax in but otherwise don't really help much, and kind of hurt to put myself in the water.
Vicodin reactions were the worst. Puking every hour, I lost a good 20lbs (I look like skeletor now), and couldn't keep anything down. I ate a piece of pizza yesterday and kept it down, was proud of myself. Besides the vicodin and my hubby having to take off a few weeks of work, this wasn't that bad.
~~~~~~
Obviously, this was several years ago, and I was having false hope. I have now come back down to earth and realized the reality of the situation. The marsupialization did shit.
REAL facts about Bartholin Cysts
I got my first bartholin cyst when I was 12 (!!!). I was definately not sexually active. I have had them recurring ever since, at first it was only one cyst every year or so - sometimes more. I am now 25. I have been with one man, my husband, and he with one woman, me. I definately do NOT have STDs. I do NOT wear tight pants. I DO have GREAT hygeine.
When I was 20 and had recently give birth to my first child, another cyst showed up. By then I was averaging about 2-4 every month. Usually they didn't go away for months at a time. The pain is unbearable, it was worse than pre-labor pains for me.
I went to the family medical center. We are army, so we were seen immediately as soon as I put in the appointment. By then my one cyst had been around for about 4 months continiously growing to the size of my daughter's head! No lie, it was about the size of a small ball. It was HUGE!!!
The MALE doctor didn't know what it was. He snickered at the pain I said I was having. I told him to look carefully because the thing is pretty huge and I need something done about it. Then I told him to imagine his nuts to swell that big, that stopped almost all the snickering.
He went to go look up what it was, when he came back it was to tell me what it was. He suggested we put a word catheter in it. (I now regret this) He told me to keep it in place for 14 weeks (another mistake, after much research it's only supposed to be 4 weeks max).
He drained my cyst/tumor. The smell was awful. My mother was there crying, holding my hand telling me it was disgusting. Know how he drained it? He jsut shoved a needle into it and it popped. Excruciating pain. He was trying to numb me up. It didn't work. So there I am screaming my head off, my mother crying, and this jerk has the nerve to say "gee look painful".
Weeks pass, the catheter falls out at 13 weeks. I go through a good 3-4 more cysts and draining before I make a resolve to get this completely fixed. I go back in to the doctor, I see a female doctor this time. She tells me she's had it before. She refers me to a specialist. We find out I'm pregnant. I go through an entire pregnancy with another huge cyst. It stays there for over 13 months. Never draining, never stopping the pain. I'm popping pain pills like nuts. I recently moved. Just had my 2nd daughter. FINALLY I can do something about this again.
As of about 3 weeks ago, I saw another specialist. She told me the statistics.
- Women dealing with this under 30: 2% of all women in the world
- Women dealing with recurring cysts: .001% of those previously mentioned 2% women.
I am a rare breed, apparently. She goes on to tell me that it has been rumored that it is actually GENETIC, or so she thinks. My mother has had ovarion cysts, my grandmom has had bartholin cysts. This makes complete sense to me. She tells me she wants to do a marsupialization on it.
I am currently scheduled to have mine done tomorrow. As for the up and walking around in 2 days, that's a lie. There is a high risk for nerve damage (50%), and a high risk of recurrance (45%) with just the marsupialization when it's done on women like me. With the excision (removing the gland) the recurrance will drop to 15%, they will be doing this if the gland becomes a problem during the surgery.
Since some of these posts are old, I thought I'd throw that information out there. I've tried everything I could find on the internet to get rid of these cysts. Herbal rememdies, pain killers, antibiotics, none of it worked. Those sitz baths btw, they prescribe that for everything...and seriously, never worked for me not even post-childbirth.
Here are some facts some of you may want to know about Marsupialization that my doctor told me.
- You have a risk of hemoraghing (spelling?)
- You may need a blood transfusion
- You need to pick out your anethetic, and there are over 100s to pick from (how you will be doped up)
- You will have a therapist assigned to you afterwards
- It is a walk-in, walk-out same day proceedure lasting total 3 hours
- You DO have a chance of recurrance, but this helps lessen it
- They MAY need to do some minor surgery on important parts on you, like your uretha/uterus/etc, IF the cyst has grown so big and up that far
- They MAY need to remove dead tissue (they do with me)
- You will be on required bedrest for at least a month, some women take up to 3 months to just be able to sit down
- It MAY cause nerve damage, resulting in ghost pains
- It MAY affect your future sex life, not being able to get wet etc
- It WILL help you stop getting pain when you get turned on (happens to me), will stop the fevers (happens to me), will stop problems getting wet (happens to me)
- They MAY need to repair your bartholin cyst tube (leading to the cyst) or remove it all together
- As for the clown that stated that they were nauseous because they didn't eat before the surgery, I'm going to call junkies on that. You are told not to eat after MIDNIGHT the night before, and the surgery is usually scheduled at 6am-9am. Not that long without a snack, eh ladies?
- Do not take any pain pills within 10 days of your surgery because it will dillute your blood.
Because I am such a rare breed, I have dead tissue outside of my labia. They will be removing a part of my vagina as well. Apparently the recurring cysts caused dead tissue, and that tissue needs to be removed.
Overall, I believe the nuts that talk about herbal remedies...are nuts. There are SOME things that can be fixed with herbs. This is NOT one of them, at least for me.
There is no common cause for this. Don't let anyone tell you that you are dirty/disease filled. I have told every single one of those doctors off when they asked me that question. You will have worries about looking like a freak, you will be VERY depressed because this is a lifelong thing that will never go away, and you will DEFINATELY at some point consider this surgery. In a few days I'll let you know how I'm feeling then.
I'm one of those chicks that would rather limit the chance of recurrance than know for a fact I was going to have this for such a long time. Like I said, everyone is different, but these are ALL the facts that I was presented with myself. I wanted to personally put a stop to all of the fake rumors going around about this surgery and the cysts in general (which are also referred to as benign tumors).
By the way, my word catheter was inserted completely wrong by that MALE doctor. I have since been told it will take ANOTHER surger to repair the damaged tissue.
Thought I'd also add that it's also called a TUMOR because if they drain it and do NOT remove ALL of the cyst, it WILL grow back.
They CAN use lazers on it, but prefer not to because obviously lazers are not that reliable in this day and age. Especially for such a SMALL, SENSITIVE, easy to mess up proceedure.
The dead tissue occurs when your cysts POPS (like other women have said they purposely done to themselves, bad idea). The icky fluid inside will leak into other various parts of your body and fester..make it worse and destroying your tissue in the process.
That's all I was told, as of this morning at my appointment with my anethesiologist.
~*~ January 21, 2008
I've had the marsupialization done. Like I promised, I'm going to update for you. The pain is nothing compared to SVD, severe vaginal delivery, of my two kids. This is completely managable pain. I'm sitting down, walking some-what, and even attempted to play with my eldest today.
Basically surgery went like this, went in did my vitals. They amazingly lost my lab work (gah!). I had to give more blood. After that it was a bunch of waiting in about 3 different waiting rooms. I showed up at 5:40am. Because I am allergic to latex I had to be first one to have surgery that day. At about 7:30am they were inserting my IV and giving me pain medication.
I don't remember a thing. I was asleep the entire time from 7:30am till noon. I went home at noon, my husband drove. Don't bring your kids to wait around like we did, it's a major hassle for you.
They have me on vicodin, perceset, and motrin. The vicodin has been make me have hot flashes and puke like once an hour. It helps a lot with the pain though, so I'm dealing with it.
It doesn't hurt to pee as much as it did before, and I'm actually sitting down in my computer chair with a pillow under me while I write this.
Compared to stitches after childbirth, this is nothing. Just tired of the puking. lol
~*~ January 26th, 2008
I'm back to basically normal. I've slowly adjusted to the vicodin. Bad reactions all over the place. Now, I'm used to taking it. I don't bother taking it if I'm not much pain, and don't take it at night. It does make me blurry and sluggish, so I can't drive. I don't take the perceset (spelling?), or the motrin. Just the vicodin when I need it.
I am chasing my girls, and barely having to rest. This is a LOT better than giving birth. ;P I feel like I was worried for nothing now. The stitches itch but that's about it. Oh, and I need to be really slow/careful when I move around. Learned yesterday that when I tripped on a toy, it hurts like hell.
They told me no sex for another 3 weeks, but I feel ready for it in about A week. They said no lifting anything more than 2lbs for a month, yet I was lifting my 6month old the day OF with no problems. I'm now at the stage to start picking up my 3 yr old with barely a problem.
So far healing is great. There has been some discharge, and the bleeding stopped within 2 days. I noticed I'm not having any more pain when I get turned on, no problems peeing even after the surgery (TY GOD!), and no problems getting wet - it's like I'm a constant fountain!
Only complaint...wish they would have told me it was going to be this easy and other women didn't act like it was the end of the world to get this surgery. This is by far the easiest thing I've done in my life.
Childbirth is about 100% harder than this. ;P Anyone that compains about this surgery really needs to try giving birth to two kids, pre-labor pains hold much more pain than this. And post-labor stitches. Wow. Don't even go there with me. This is completely EASY to handle.
Pain has gone down from pre-cyst 11, to about a 1 with the medication. Without medication it's about a 3-4. Not really bad at all.
I expect to be back to normal next week. No complications, no problems. If I do get another cyst, I'll consider just removing the other gland. It's the same thing I'm going through now. No biggie. Don't know why others had so many problems. I can honestly say this is the first time in a long time that I feel normal. It's great.
~*~ February 1st, 2008
It's been about two weeks. I ran out of vicodin within a week and a half. (30 pills, just in case I was a pill pusher or something..dunno?) The motrin was completely worthless, and didn't bother taking any of the other pills they gave me. I'm living off of advil.
Pain is small. About a 1-2 daily without even advil. I did have a hiccup after surgery. I started bleeding randomly, a lot. Almost went to the emergency room. Waited it out a few days, and it's stopped again.
Stitches are really starting to itch. Have started having sex again. Hurt the first few times (started 2 days ago), otherwise it's just a little tender.
Back to normal activities. Moving a little slow, but not much. Picking up things, bending over, peeing , sex. Everything is about normal.
The hole where they cut for me to drain inside is getting smaller. It's about the size of a pencil eraser now (the very small ones). Have been having discharge, bloody, brown and gross. Nothing major. It'll stop in another week I'm told.
I'm like a fountain, can't stop getting wet down there. Kind of odd. Otherwise no complaints. It was a great, and very sucessful surgery. Stitches are water-solluble so they should come out on their own in time. Sitz baths are awesome to just relax in but otherwise don't really help much, and kind of hurt to put myself in the water.
Vicodin reactions were the worst. Puking every hour, I lost a good 20lbs (I look like skeletor now), and couldn't keep anything down. I ate a piece of pizza yesterday and kept it down, was proud of myself. Besides the vicodin and my hubby having to take off a few weeks of work, this wasn't that bad.
~~~~~~
Obviously, this was several years ago, and I was having false hope. I have now come back down to earth and realized the reality of the situation. The marsupialization did shit.
Recurring Bartholian Cyst (Update 2)
Someone asked me previously for yet another update and some advice to future women with this issue. This is it, as promised. Please ignore any typos.
I couldn't get the interactive radiologists to go thru my veins and close it off. However, I did get the nerve ending killer treatment instead, and I went in on an earlier date to have them completely remove old scar tissue (and the cyst again). Basically, it's an out-patient proceedure this time (again this term is used to inaccurately describe your pain as you feel like shit even if you were to stay in the hospital). They sit you down on the exam table, then take a needle that has been filled with heavy doses of alcohol and stab you with it. I was stabbed about 9 times the first time I had it done (which was recently). Along with the alcohol they also inject a numbing agent, which is supposed to help with the pain. It doesn't at first.
It was extremely painful, I know I kept asking if we were done yet. I bit my husband's hand just so I wouldn't scream. I pretty much needed assistance getting out of the doctor's office and was in bed for a good two hours afterwards. It took a long time for the numbing medication that they used, to actually kick in. The numbing medication lasted about 4 hours after kicking in, but you still feel like shit afterwards.
Since getting it done, I do randomly feel like I have a urinary tract infection (even though it is not one, and in the same exact spot they stabbed me). It is a painful burning sensation that stays there for a good hour after it randomly shows up. It DOES help with leakage problems, at least in my case. I noticed within a few days of having this done, that my cyst was actually starting to drain on it's own again. This is a good thing.
However, the bad part is that this treatment needs to be done every 5-6 months AND so far I cannot tell if it has been worth a damn. I honestly haven't had it done long enough to know for sure. I can't tell if my body is naturally pushing out the gook, or if the nerve-ending thing actually helped. I will update to let you know if it HAS had any effect (positive or negative) on my cysts.
Someone also asked me for advice to the women in my same position. My first advice is to ignore all of those doctors that tell you that you're crazy - or pretty much anything else you don't like to hear. Some of it IS valuable to know, but most of it is worthless and does NOT pertain to this. I would also STRONGLY suggest to ignore the doctors who just want to tie your tubes. DO NOT DO THAT IF YOU EVEN THINK YOU HAVE A .001% CHANGE OF WANTING ANOTHER KID!!!! Also, you after a while of the doctor's visits, you WILL be able to tell who knows what they are talking about and who doesn't. I keep a mental checklist everytime I see a new doctor, and make sure they know what they are doing before they do ANYTHING to me (this includes check-ups).
I will straight up tell you that my doctor has recently suggested that I get a hysterectomy. This would remove any hopes I have of having that son I always wanted. Yes, I even picked a name. I decided that I AM still young, and I WOULD like to keep trying for yet another kiddling. I know my chances of getting pregnant are very slim (mainly due to this condition and scar tissue that has been building up). However, I am VERY young to have one. Most women have one at the age of 40. I am NOT 40. I am still about 10 yrs shy of that. This is also an automatic default for a lot of doctors. Think of it as the "cure-all", to any feminine issue. I also went into a serious depression because of this suggestion. (It was suggested about 3 weeks ago) I will let you know, for your own future reference, that a hysterectomy is the 2nd most common surgery among women (C-section beats it) and it is usually done on women between the ages of 42-55. This is obviously a big number of women getting it done (I'd prefer not to be one of them at the ripe age of 27), and it isn't even supposed to be done for something like a Bartholian Cyst (cancer is the #1 reason)...adding on that I'm WAY below the usual age of it.
Also, as due to my botched surgery, I would DEMAND that you do NOTNOTNOTNOT sign the waiver that all those doctors will give you. NEVER, EVER SIGN A WAIVER OF LIABILITY. It's always in those stacks of paperwork they give you to sign, and honestly, they just slide it right in there so that you can't sue the shit out of them later if they fuck up. NEVER SIGN THIS! You NEVER know if the doctor will screw up or not. Even if the doctor knows what they are doing, do NOT sign it. If they ask you why, tell them this: "I do not sign paperwork like this when I cannot be guaranteed 400%+ success rate on (whatever you're doing). I don't believe that anyone in this office is god or godlike, therefore, I'd like to protect myself and my rights." Even if you sign it for a checkup, they can later pull that paperwork out of their files later and hold it against you. So, even for a check-up, DO NOT SIGN IT!
My second advice is to GOOGLE! I am a google fiend now. I googled my ass off trying everything I could to come up with home remedies, researching the different types of surgeries, researching other women who had gone through this (though most stories were bogus and full of such home remedy crap that I gave up for a while) and of course researching the risks/side effects. I know I said before to ignore the home remedies, but hell...they might work for you. I know from personal experience, that I was willing to try ANYTHING to make the pain go away. I mean it. ANYTHING. None of them worked for me, but maybe someone else will get lucky.
I'd also suggest to get a therapist or have a seriously devoted husband. I rant and rave to my husband a LOT about this. He doesn't understand EXACTLY what I am going through, but he has been there for almost EVERY surgery/appointment since the botched surgery. Most women go to appointments without their spouse, but I took (and continue to drag) mine with me. I liked having someone else knowing exactly what I was up against, and having someone to yell at when needed. I also liked that after the first few appointments, he got the general jist of the doctor's attitudes. This was very helpful for when the male doctors wanted to treat me like a complete moron. It was also my way of letting him know that it wasn't all just "in my head".
I'm going to expound on this a bit more. It seriously hurt our sexual relationship to have to go through this constantly. As is, we barely have sex...and it's usually only when I feel up to it. I swear, he's part gay sometimes. I love him for it. It took him a long time to understand and generally avoid the shit out of me when I was in pain. It also took ME a long time to come to grips that I was NOT some unattractive, disfigured blob. I know it doesn't look exactly right down there, and yes sometimes I bitch about it, but I know that my husband loves MY body. If he didn't love me so much, and my body, then he would have left a long time ago.
This WILL hurt your relationship. I am a strong believer in "making love", and in order to do so - you need to feel a serious emotional attachment to that person. We had a really hard time coming to cope with the idea that we just can't have sex every day of the week (especially when we USED to do it that much), and that it most likely will NOT be enjoyable for me. We had to come up with our own way of getting around MY pain in order for me to enjoy it after the fact. We had a hard time getting around our sex life, and making time for ourselves (especially with two kiddlings running around). We are obviously military, so we don't usually have family around. Instead of hiring a babysitter (who might be a pedophile), we decided that our "date night" would not involve sex and would just be a movie and lots of snuggles (and kisses!).
Keep a list. I keep lists of everything now. I made a journal documenting every single little thing about this condition. In doing so, I realized that my cyst was recurring a lot just because of the amount of stress I was dealing with. When we minimized my stress, we minimized the recurrence rate from every week to every two weeks. It also helps you remember exactly what you have done before, and what did NOT work. It helps the doctors to realize that you are dead serious about your condition, and want a solution to it. It helps you keep tabs of what works and what doesn't. It helps you to keep tabs on how often the recurrence is, without having to rely on your memory (which mine tends to be slightly faulty when it comes to dates).
Get help! I can tell you right now that I had an enormous amount of trouble trying to take care of a newborn by myself, the bills, etc, without any help. My husband was deployed when my brother decided to stay and help me. I cannot even begin to describe how much this has helped!!! They don't need to live with you. They just need to be able to take the kiddlings away, or pets away, for a day or two once in a while. My brother still lives with us, to this day, and he takes the kids every other week for uncle-niece time. (And before you ask, he never wants to settle down and I honestly don't think he cares if he works a full-time job) Even just a little "me time" is well-needed. Shit, I even use him to babysit the girls when we DO decide to go out on our date night. It IS a huge help having that extra hand, and I honestly didn't realize how much I NEEDED it when this first started. It was also helpful that it was an immediate family member, just because of the rumors the in-laws were spreading around (etc). Mu hubby doesn't worry about my cheating on him with my brother (EW!), and my brother knows if one hair on my kids' head is out of place - he will die very slowly. I am dead serious about my kiddlings. No one hurts them, or they will pay. (No, he is NOT a molestor etc. He treats them like they are his own, and it's very cute.)
If you DO want to explain to someone about your medical situation, that you try to keep it short and simple. Like most doctors, most PEOPLE, do NOT understand. I cannot even BEGIN to explain to you the headache I get when I talk to the in-laws. Not only do they give you the pity looks, but they judge the shit out of you. My husband has taken a LOT of shit from his parents. While they understand that it is a medical issue, they do NOT understand why I'm "so lazy". So be VERY careful of how you phrase things, how you explain things, and WHO you tell.
I know I already suggested to get a therapist, but another main reason you might want to look into having someone to nonstop talk to is because of the depression. I have gone through so many bouts of depression because of this, that I had to be medicated for a few months (panic attacks, the whole 9 yards). I go through several emotional stages during a week.
Here are some stages to look out for:
- Depression: I mainly felt depressed lately due to the hysterectomy. I had to deal with my feelings of loss. I felt like that if I couldn't have that one last child, that my life would be less happy or less full. I was mistaken. Regardless of whether or not we adopt, have another ourselves, or do fostercare (adopting and fostercare is not an option for military families in this state), I felt like a part of me would be missing just because I had removed a huge part of my body. This was somewhat correct. In talking with my hubby about the hysterectomy, I came to realize another feeling of being less of a woman because of all of this. I felt like I was already less of a woman, and to have someone completely remove yet another BIG part of me...that was a huge kick to the face.
Another reason why I felt depressed was because of the pain. I'm not going to lie to you, I went through those days where I felt like I wanted to kill myself. The pain was intolerable. You WILL feel this way too. Eventually, you'll consider it just to stop being in pain all of the time. It's completely normal to feel like this. Don't let anyone tell you that you are wrong to feel the way you do! Just, for the love of god, don't kill yourself.
When I was first diagnosed, after my marsupialization, I went into yet another depression streak because I felt like less of a mother. I mean, what kind of mother doesn't take care of her kids everyday? This kind does, and is fucking PROUD of the days she DOES get out of bed to kiss her monsters. I'm sure some of you will understand when I say, you feel like you've been demeaned as a parent (and as a female) when either you can't take an active role in your children's lives or when you need to ask someone for help.
I'm sure some of you others out there WILL come across the random crying fits. This is normal. It doesn't go away, or at least, it hasn't with me thus far. I DO randomly see babies on the street and just burst into tears. I DO watch the news (every little thing will trigger my tears lately) and randomly have to excuse myself.
- False Elation/False Hope: I listed this one because many of you out there have been through this feeling before. I felt a LOT of false elation (fake happiness), whenever a new doctor would tell me that they have a cure for it. I would leave the appointment feeling as giddy as a little girl on Christmas, and then after much research and my own knowledge...realize these people are full of shit. I also dealt with this emotion after every single surgery did NOT work. I tried to remain positive, but after a while, it always left a bad taste in my mouth.
- Embarassment: I feel embarassed a LOT about this. I barely informed my OWN mother of what was going on, let alone my husband's parents or anyone else for that matter. When I got the first word catheter installed, I went through the initial "is everyone staring at me? do they know?" stage. After that stage disappeared, I started comparing myself to my husband's ex-girlfriends (even if he never had sex with them) or any other female we EVER came in contact with. It didn't matter if we were at a super market shopping for groceries, I found myself comparing to EVERY female we saw. This has faded over time, but it still resides in the back of my head that I am not 100% whole. I have also started opening open to a few of my closer friends (that actually understand my personallity), and told them a little bit about what has been going on. (I can't stand the pity in their eyes, OR the confusion - having to explain it 200x is not my cup of tea.)
Now, the main reason why I started opening up was to protect my older brother. People were always making comments about how he has been living with us for the last 3-4 years. They always wonder why, and how come he doesn't have a fulltime career (etc). The reason is simple: it's because of me. Until my brother moved in with me (thank god he did), we were barely struggling to take care of ONE kid. He wound up visiting one week, and just never left. I think a part of him realized that I would never ask anyone for help, and so he has just stayed here. Shit, some people (like my in-laws), think that I'm having sex with my brother. LOL They don't even connect the dots, and after numerous times of telling them that is NOT the case, they still don't stop giving him "that look". It's so fucking creepy.
- Less Than A Woman: You know it, I know it. Anyone who has this issue feels this way. Your husband (if he's an ass), might think this about you or might have thought it in the past. Just because you have this issue, you are NOT less than a woman than any other female. This is a hard feeling to overcome, I have not mastered it yet. My basic line of thought to control this is: I have a vagina, I am a chick just as much as she is. I don't know what else to suggest, as that is what works for me. LOL
- Unattractive/Not Sexy: You are NOT unattractive because of this. IF you are married, your husband didn't marry you for your vagina. That was just a neat perk. You are JUST AS SEXY AS BEFORE THIS HAPPENED! If you don't feel that you are as sexy as before, I suggest talking to your spouse about it. I talk to my husband about this a LOT. He soothes all of my fears and continues to SHOW me how attactive I am.
- Tired: Some days, even on my good days, I just feel tired as shit. I don't want to move, and I think that if I DO move, I might keel over and die right there. You won't. Get out of bed if you can.
I'm sure there are other emotions I go through, but that is just off the top of my head. The feeling of being in pain, is an obvious one to me so I didn't even write anything about that. Anyways...
Do NOT use hemorrhoid cream. Some doctors will suggest this. DON'T USE IT!! OH MY GOD PAINFUL! While you cyst "may" look like just a bump, or you might THINK that the cream will help shrink it - just imagine all of that gunk inside of the cyst or building up around it. Where do you think it will go? Nowhere if you have a blockage (which is obviously the case if you have a cyst). This is one of those "home remedies" that you absolutely WANT TO AVOID!
You'll need to work on your sex. I know I wrote this, but this was a major issue for us. We tried everything from the numbing gel to obstaining for months. It took us a long time, but we pretty much had to relearn how to have sex with each other. You WILL have drying there if you had a marsupialization. Expect it. If it happens, either have some KY sittiing around or just halt what you are doing until you are NOT dry. Try not to have more then 3 times a week. Sperm (etc) can build up in your cyst wall and will NOT be pretty coming back out.
My last bit of advice would be to not over-exert yourself. Don't go run 20 miles today. Run 5. The rubbing and sweating is NOT good for your cyst, even if it is NOT there. Also, do NOT wear tight jeans, shorts, skirts, or skorts. They do NOT help. I run around in plaid pj pants around the house and put on a loser pair of pants when I go out. Any rubbing (even during sex) CAN aggravate the cyst. So, be veryyy careful.
That's all of the advice I could think of for now. I'll try to add some more later on. I need to get some sleep.
I couldn't get the interactive radiologists to go thru my veins and close it off. However, I did get the nerve ending killer treatment instead, and I went in on an earlier date to have them completely remove old scar tissue (and the cyst again). Basically, it's an out-patient proceedure this time (again this term is used to inaccurately describe your pain as you feel like shit even if you were to stay in the hospital). They sit you down on the exam table, then take a needle that has been filled with heavy doses of alcohol and stab you with it. I was stabbed about 9 times the first time I had it done (which was recently). Along with the alcohol they also inject a numbing agent, which is supposed to help with the pain. It doesn't at first.
It was extremely painful, I know I kept asking if we were done yet. I bit my husband's hand just so I wouldn't scream. I pretty much needed assistance getting out of the doctor's office and was in bed for a good two hours afterwards. It took a long time for the numbing medication that they used, to actually kick in. The numbing medication lasted about 4 hours after kicking in, but you still feel like shit afterwards.
Since getting it done, I do randomly feel like I have a urinary tract infection (even though it is not one, and in the same exact spot they stabbed me). It is a painful burning sensation that stays there for a good hour after it randomly shows up. It DOES help with leakage problems, at least in my case. I noticed within a few days of having this done, that my cyst was actually starting to drain on it's own again. This is a good thing.
However, the bad part is that this treatment needs to be done every 5-6 months AND so far I cannot tell if it has been worth a damn. I honestly haven't had it done long enough to know for sure. I can't tell if my body is naturally pushing out the gook, or if the nerve-ending thing actually helped. I will update to let you know if it HAS had any effect (positive or negative) on my cysts.
Someone also asked me for advice to the women in my same position. My first advice is to ignore all of those doctors that tell you that you're crazy - or pretty much anything else you don't like to hear. Some of it IS valuable to know, but most of it is worthless and does NOT pertain to this. I would also STRONGLY suggest to ignore the doctors who just want to tie your tubes. DO NOT DO THAT IF YOU EVEN THINK YOU HAVE A .001% CHANGE OF WANTING ANOTHER KID!!!! Also, you after a while of the doctor's visits, you WILL be able to tell who knows what they are talking about and who doesn't. I keep a mental checklist everytime I see a new doctor, and make sure they know what they are doing before they do ANYTHING to me (this includes check-ups).
I will straight up tell you that my doctor has recently suggested that I get a hysterectomy. This would remove any hopes I have of having that son I always wanted. Yes, I even picked a name. I decided that I AM still young, and I WOULD like to keep trying for yet another kiddling. I know my chances of getting pregnant are very slim (mainly due to this condition and scar tissue that has been building up). However, I am VERY young to have one. Most women have one at the age of 40. I am NOT 40. I am still about 10 yrs shy of that. This is also an automatic default for a lot of doctors. Think of it as the "cure-all", to any feminine issue. I also went into a serious depression because of this suggestion. (It was suggested about 3 weeks ago) I will let you know, for your own future reference, that a hysterectomy is the 2nd most common surgery among women (C-section beats it) and it is usually done on women between the ages of 42-55. This is obviously a big number of women getting it done (I'd prefer not to be one of them at the ripe age of 27), and it isn't even supposed to be done for something like a Bartholian Cyst (cancer is the #1 reason)...adding on that I'm WAY below the usual age of it.
Also, as due to my botched surgery, I would DEMAND that you do NOTNOTNOTNOT sign the waiver that all those doctors will give you. NEVER, EVER SIGN A WAIVER OF LIABILITY. It's always in those stacks of paperwork they give you to sign, and honestly, they just slide it right in there so that you can't sue the shit out of them later if they fuck up. NEVER SIGN THIS! You NEVER know if the doctor will screw up or not. Even if the doctor knows what they are doing, do NOT sign it. If they ask you why, tell them this: "I do not sign paperwork like this when I cannot be guaranteed 400%+ success rate on (whatever you're doing). I don't believe that anyone in this office is god or godlike, therefore, I'd like to protect myself and my rights." Even if you sign it for a checkup, they can later pull that paperwork out of their files later and hold it against you. So, even for a check-up, DO NOT SIGN IT!
My second advice is to GOOGLE! I am a google fiend now. I googled my ass off trying everything I could to come up with home remedies, researching the different types of surgeries, researching other women who had gone through this (though most stories were bogus and full of such home remedy crap that I gave up for a while) and of course researching the risks/side effects. I know I said before to ignore the home remedies, but hell...they might work for you. I know from personal experience, that I was willing to try ANYTHING to make the pain go away. I mean it. ANYTHING. None of them worked for me, but maybe someone else will get lucky.
I'd also suggest to get a therapist or have a seriously devoted husband. I rant and rave to my husband a LOT about this. He doesn't understand EXACTLY what I am going through, but he has been there for almost EVERY surgery/appointment since the botched surgery. Most women go to appointments without their spouse, but I took (and continue to drag) mine with me. I liked having someone else knowing exactly what I was up against, and having someone to yell at when needed. I also liked that after the first few appointments, he got the general jist of the doctor's attitudes. This was very helpful for when the male doctors wanted to treat me like a complete moron. It was also my way of letting him know that it wasn't all just "in my head".
I'm going to expound on this a bit more. It seriously hurt our sexual relationship to have to go through this constantly. As is, we barely have sex...and it's usually only when I feel up to it. I swear, he's part gay sometimes. I love him for it. It took him a long time to understand and generally avoid the shit out of me when I was in pain. It also took ME a long time to come to grips that I was NOT some unattractive, disfigured blob. I know it doesn't look exactly right down there, and yes sometimes I bitch about it, but I know that my husband loves MY body. If he didn't love me so much, and my body, then he would have left a long time ago.
This WILL hurt your relationship. I am a strong believer in "making love", and in order to do so - you need to feel a serious emotional attachment to that person. We had a really hard time coming to cope with the idea that we just can't have sex every day of the week (especially when we USED to do it that much), and that it most likely will NOT be enjoyable for me. We had to come up with our own way of getting around MY pain in order for me to enjoy it after the fact. We had a hard time getting around our sex life, and making time for ourselves (especially with two kiddlings running around). We are obviously military, so we don't usually have family around. Instead of hiring a babysitter (who might be a pedophile), we decided that our "date night" would not involve sex and would just be a movie and lots of snuggles (and kisses!).
Keep a list. I keep lists of everything now. I made a journal documenting every single little thing about this condition. In doing so, I realized that my cyst was recurring a lot just because of the amount of stress I was dealing with. When we minimized my stress, we minimized the recurrence rate from every week to every two weeks. It also helps you remember exactly what you have done before, and what did NOT work. It helps the doctors to realize that you are dead serious about your condition, and want a solution to it. It helps you keep tabs of what works and what doesn't. It helps you to keep tabs on how often the recurrence is, without having to rely on your memory (which mine tends to be slightly faulty when it comes to dates).
Get help! I can tell you right now that I had an enormous amount of trouble trying to take care of a newborn by myself, the bills, etc, without any help. My husband was deployed when my brother decided to stay and help me. I cannot even begin to describe how much this has helped!!! They don't need to live with you. They just need to be able to take the kiddlings away, or pets away, for a day or two once in a while. My brother still lives with us, to this day, and he takes the kids every other week for uncle-niece time. (And before you ask, he never wants to settle down and I honestly don't think he cares if he works a full-time job) Even just a little "me time" is well-needed. Shit, I even use him to babysit the girls when we DO decide to go out on our date night. It IS a huge help having that extra hand, and I honestly didn't realize how much I NEEDED it when this first started. It was also helpful that it was an immediate family member, just because of the rumors the in-laws were spreading around (etc). Mu hubby doesn't worry about my cheating on him with my brother (EW!), and my brother knows if one hair on my kids' head is out of place - he will die very slowly. I am dead serious about my kiddlings. No one hurts them, or they will pay. (No, he is NOT a molestor etc. He treats them like they are his own, and it's very cute.)
If you DO want to explain to someone about your medical situation, that you try to keep it short and simple. Like most doctors, most PEOPLE, do NOT understand. I cannot even BEGIN to explain to you the headache I get when I talk to the in-laws. Not only do they give you the pity looks, but they judge the shit out of you. My husband has taken a LOT of shit from his parents. While they understand that it is a medical issue, they do NOT understand why I'm "so lazy". So be VERY careful of how you phrase things, how you explain things, and WHO you tell.
I know I already suggested to get a therapist, but another main reason you might want to look into having someone to nonstop talk to is because of the depression. I have gone through so many bouts of depression because of this, that I had to be medicated for a few months (panic attacks, the whole 9 yards). I go through several emotional stages during a week.
Here are some stages to look out for:
- Depression: I mainly felt depressed lately due to the hysterectomy. I had to deal with my feelings of loss. I felt like that if I couldn't have that one last child, that my life would be less happy or less full. I was mistaken. Regardless of whether or not we adopt, have another ourselves, or do fostercare (adopting and fostercare is not an option for military families in this state), I felt like a part of me would be missing just because I had removed a huge part of my body. This was somewhat correct. In talking with my hubby about the hysterectomy, I came to realize another feeling of being less of a woman because of all of this. I felt like I was already less of a woman, and to have someone completely remove yet another BIG part of me...that was a huge kick to the face.
Another reason why I felt depressed was because of the pain. I'm not going to lie to you, I went through those days where I felt like I wanted to kill myself. The pain was intolerable. You WILL feel this way too. Eventually, you'll consider it just to stop being in pain all of the time. It's completely normal to feel like this. Don't let anyone tell you that you are wrong to feel the way you do! Just, for the love of god, don't kill yourself.
When I was first diagnosed, after my marsupialization, I went into yet another depression streak because I felt like less of a mother. I mean, what kind of mother doesn't take care of her kids everyday? This kind does, and is fucking PROUD of the days she DOES get out of bed to kiss her monsters. I'm sure some of you will understand when I say, you feel like you've been demeaned as a parent (and as a female) when either you can't take an active role in your children's lives or when you need to ask someone for help.
I'm sure some of you others out there WILL come across the random crying fits. This is normal. It doesn't go away, or at least, it hasn't with me thus far. I DO randomly see babies on the street and just burst into tears. I DO watch the news (every little thing will trigger my tears lately) and randomly have to excuse myself.
- False Elation/False Hope: I listed this one because many of you out there have been through this feeling before. I felt a LOT of false elation (fake happiness), whenever a new doctor would tell me that they have a cure for it. I would leave the appointment feeling as giddy as a little girl on Christmas, and then after much research and my own knowledge...realize these people are full of shit. I also dealt with this emotion after every single surgery did NOT work. I tried to remain positive, but after a while, it always left a bad taste in my mouth.
- Embarassment: I feel embarassed a LOT about this. I barely informed my OWN mother of what was going on, let alone my husband's parents or anyone else for that matter. When I got the first word catheter installed, I went through the initial "is everyone staring at me? do they know?" stage. After that stage disappeared, I started comparing myself to my husband's ex-girlfriends (even if he never had sex with them) or any other female we EVER came in contact with. It didn't matter if we were at a super market shopping for groceries, I found myself comparing to EVERY female we saw. This has faded over time, but it still resides in the back of my head that I am not 100% whole. I have also started opening open to a few of my closer friends (that actually understand my personallity), and told them a little bit about what has been going on. (I can't stand the pity in their eyes, OR the confusion - having to explain it 200x is not my cup of tea.)
Now, the main reason why I started opening up was to protect my older brother. People were always making comments about how he has been living with us for the last 3-4 years. They always wonder why, and how come he doesn't have a fulltime career (etc). The reason is simple: it's because of me. Until my brother moved in with me (thank god he did), we were barely struggling to take care of ONE kid. He wound up visiting one week, and just never left. I think a part of him realized that I would never ask anyone for help, and so he has just stayed here. Shit, some people (like my in-laws), think that I'm having sex with my brother. LOL They don't even connect the dots, and after numerous times of telling them that is NOT the case, they still don't stop giving him "that look". It's so fucking creepy.
- Less Than A Woman: You know it, I know it. Anyone who has this issue feels this way. Your husband (if he's an ass), might think this about you or might have thought it in the past. Just because you have this issue, you are NOT less than a woman than any other female. This is a hard feeling to overcome, I have not mastered it yet. My basic line of thought to control this is: I have a vagina, I am a chick just as much as she is. I don't know what else to suggest, as that is what works for me. LOL
- Unattractive/Not Sexy: You are NOT unattractive because of this. IF you are married, your husband didn't marry you for your vagina. That was just a neat perk. You are JUST AS SEXY AS BEFORE THIS HAPPENED! If you don't feel that you are as sexy as before, I suggest talking to your spouse about it. I talk to my husband about this a LOT. He soothes all of my fears and continues to SHOW me how attactive I am.
- Tired: Some days, even on my good days, I just feel tired as shit. I don't want to move, and I think that if I DO move, I might keel over and die right there. You won't. Get out of bed if you can.
I'm sure there are other emotions I go through, but that is just off the top of my head. The feeling of being in pain, is an obvious one to me so I didn't even write anything about that. Anyways...
Do NOT use hemorrhoid cream. Some doctors will suggest this. DON'T USE IT!! OH MY GOD PAINFUL! While you cyst "may" look like just a bump, or you might THINK that the cream will help shrink it - just imagine all of that gunk inside of the cyst or building up around it. Where do you think it will go? Nowhere if you have a blockage (which is obviously the case if you have a cyst). This is one of those "home remedies" that you absolutely WANT TO AVOID!
You'll need to work on your sex. I know I wrote this, but this was a major issue for us. We tried everything from the numbing gel to obstaining for months. It took us a long time, but we pretty much had to relearn how to have sex with each other. You WILL have drying there if you had a marsupialization. Expect it. If it happens, either have some KY sittiing around or just halt what you are doing until you are NOT dry. Try not to have more then 3 times a week. Sperm (etc) can build up in your cyst wall and will NOT be pretty coming back out.
My last bit of advice would be to not over-exert yourself. Don't go run 20 miles today. Run 5. The rubbing and sweating is NOT good for your cyst, even if it is NOT there. Also, do NOT wear tight jeans, shorts, skirts, or skorts. They do NOT help. I run around in plaid pj pants around the house and put on a loser pair of pants when I go out. Any rubbing (even during sex) CAN aggravate the cyst. So, be veryyy careful.
That's all of the advice I could think of for now. I'll try to add some more later on. I need to get some sleep.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Fence
So, after much debate, we decided to get a 6 foot wood fence for our yard. The neighbor kids are still going into our yard. Even after speaking with them about how dangerous it was, and speaking to their parents, they continue to come into our yard to play on MY kid's things. They don't even bother to ask. I was warned by our good neighbors and another neighbor named Liz (she is decent so far). Apparently, the kids wait until my kids have gone outside to play in the snow (leaving their footprints) and then they decide to go into our yard. This is very smart of them, as I didn't think you check footprints.
I have also been finding a lot of dog shit still in my yard. The last time this happened, I picked up a couple of piles and put them on the sidewalk. I took the girls' sidewalk chalk and wrote something to the effect of: "If this is yours, you need to stop letting your dog shit in my yard". This did nothing, obviously. I also called animal control on our bad neighbors because they were leaving their dog outside in a small cage for over 24 hrs in -20 degree weather. Animal control gave them a warning, as I did not want my name on the report at the time. Now, I don't care.
It has been snowing pretty much since the last time I posted until now. This week it is supposed to rain, but we have been gaining major headway on the project.
We have a contractor friend who is in the Army (retired), and will be coming out this weekend. He has offered to help us put up the fence, and we have asked some of my hubby's other Army buddies to help as well. We picked a 6 ft wall (sounds crazy when I say that outloud), made of wood. We will put a two-door gate in the back, just in case we need to bring some type of cars or trucks to work on the backyard. We will also put locked gates on either side of the house.
Eventually, we will put up a metal black fence in the front. We have been having issues with people letting their dogs onto our property and not cleaning up after them. This will no longer be an issue if we just put up a fence out there. This metal fence will also be a way for us to lock the unwanted neighbors out of our front yard. They like to knock on our door now with random complaints.
The barbed wire was removed this past weekend. My husband went out there with wire cutters and destroyed it. He contacted the farmer (there is a cattle path behind our property), whom it belongs to, and told him to pick it up or risk stepping on it. It was on our side of the property. We're not really sure WHY he put it on OUR property and not his - mainly because we were the ONLY property on the cattle path with the barbed wire. We also spoke to the city about it and were given the "okay" to remove it.
We got permits for our fence. Our bad neighbors found out and caused a stink over it. Since they couldn't stop the work on our fence, they decided to weakly threaten us. Did you know that when you put up a fence around your yard, and it's on the border of someone else's - sometimes they will split the bill? I had no idea about that. We DID ask evil neighbors if they wanted to split the bill since the biggest portion of our fence will be on their side. They declined and stated they will be putting up their own vinyl fence (bad idea, the slats will crack easily out here).
Apparently, they have been going around the neighborhood claiming that IF we put up our fence - they will paint it or remove parts of it. I prewarned them that if they did such a thing, it was considered destroying property as it would be on our property. We made sure to get a land surveyor from the city. He came out this past monday and marked everything for us. We are putting the fence about 3-4 inches into our property so that no one can "claim" the fene as their own, and destroy it. We also go a work permit to put the fence up, so even if they complain, there will be zero issues.
You'll all be happy to know that I have met a new neighbor. Her name is Liz, and she is married (2 yrs) with a small child. She was interesting and not very mean at all. They moved in this past month. Apparently, her yard (she bought the house on the other side of the good neighbors) was covered in weeds too, although not near as bad nor is her property even close to the same size of ours. She offered to lend us her saw for our fence project.
I have not done the walkway. We got in contact with a contractor who will completely level our front yard for $50.00. We did NOT put in sod yet, or make way for the sprinkler system. We were informed, during the winter, that the little snots were still going into our yard. So, all of our effort has transformed to this fence project.
I removed all of the bricks and horrible sprinnklers for him to do that in the next month. My good neighbors and Liz have been coming over every day for the past week, taking the plants that we don't want etc. Most of our yard was overgrown and we had some issues with the trees being too close to the house. We have since ordered new bushes and plants for our planting beds.
These are what we picked out:
http://www.michiganbulb.com/product.asp_Q_pn_E_13407_A_Blue+Girl+Hybrid+Tea+Rose_E_
http://michiganbulb.com/product.asp_Q_pn_E_72765_A_Irish+Moss_E_
We decided to do blue roses for the front bushes (we used to have dead ones, so anything is an upgrade at this point), and irish mosh for in between the bushes.
We removed a LOT of the rocks (thanks for asking Newt), and a lot of the gravel. Our good neighbors took some of the bigger ones to their own yard (we had no use for them), and we are now down to only that one big pile in the back. The side of our house still has rocks laid down, so we will be gathering them up as soon as we finish the fence.
The weeds are all gone. It is now safely into spring, and we can say that our attack on them last year has done the trick. However, there are a lot of little twigs that have been needed to be raked up. I have been doing that myself, and filling up our trash can once a week (it's a big green trash can that they pick up every monday). It fills quickly and we cannot afford to go to the dump - nor have a way to transport it. (Dump costs $100.00 per trip)
I'm not going to lie, we did look into hiring professionals for our fence. However, the cost of materials alone is costing us $6,000. After doing research on the fence, we took 14-16 weeks just for them to come out and give an estimate. That was a long time. After we did get the estimate, we found out that it will cost an additional $3,000 for installation at least. This is too costly for us, as we are attempting to do other things with our yard as well. So, we are saving ourselves a lot of time (they estimated about another 12 weeks to come out for installation) and money.
I would also like to update the walkway path for everyone. I DID get all of the materials listed above, and then some. We decided on the right side facing the house, that we would also do an additional brick driveway. It would match the other brick walkway, and it would be less costly then just throwing down a slab of concrete. (This would cost us about $2,000 as opposed to the brick which was about $900)
I also bought solar lights for the pathway, for when it is completed. This is what they look like:
http://www.lightinguniverse.com/pathway-lighting/kichler-lighting-15319pz-mission-path-garden-pathway-light_g20675.html?isku=398977&linkloc=cataLogProductItemsImage
That is the closest picture I could find of it. The only difference is the glass for actual light is brushed glass, clear. It looks cracked from far away, even though it's really not and we DO have the option of hanging it but with the wind here we decided to just put a pole through the bottom and make it stand up.
So, even though it has been a while, most of the outside has not really been touched due to the snow. We are going to wait on the sod until the end of Aug. and then hopefull have the same contractor who leveled our front to lay down the sod and install the sprinklers. It will only cost us about $1,500.
Also, the neighbors across the way have moved out. They left a note on my car (I was watching them through the window), that they were basically moving because our yard was such an eye-sore. LOL What a bunch of snots. No cops have been called recently, however they DID call the water company on us and they called the fire marshall again. This is yet another reason why we want a fence. The fire marshall had the nerve to actually walk onto MY property and inspect it. Little did he know, I was home and I was watching him. He didn't leave a fine this time, nor even a letter. I confronted him about trespassing.
The water company was called because our evil neighbors know that before we moved in, a pipe burst. (Yes, I did make sure to ask who complained. It was the evil neighbors to the right of us, on both accounts.) The water company came out and inspected our water meters, but couldn't find anything of value to report us on. We did have a leaking toilet the week before, but that was fixed within 2 days. So, they didn't even have a reason to come out and waste their time.
I also painted inside the house when it was snowing outside. Here are some pictures. This is my youngest daughter's room right after the paint job. It took us 2 days to complete, mainly because the moldings and doors were this ugly tan color and refused to turn white. (The kids' rooms are the only ones with this ugly color) (Please ignore the weird lighting, parts of the roomy ou can't see are her butterfly pictures and her curtains. We only put up the one in the picture, it is clear with pink sparkle flowers on it. The lighting was horrible, and quite honestly after I finished I gave up on painting for a very long time. Her bedsheets and blankets are white with purple and pink flowers, purple lamp, and yes...her closet is really purple. It's not even organized in that picture.)
http://tinypic.com/m/ejc5lz/4
http://tinypic.com/m/ejc5m1/4
http://tinypic.com/m/ejc5m8/4
http://tinypic.com/m/ejc5mb/4
http://tinypic.com/m/ejc5mc/4
I have also been finding a lot of dog shit still in my yard. The last time this happened, I picked up a couple of piles and put them on the sidewalk. I took the girls' sidewalk chalk and wrote something to the effect of: "If this is yours, you need to stop letting your dog shit in my yard". This did nothing, obviously. I also called animal control on our bad neighbors because they were leaving their dog outside in a small cage for over 24 hrs in -20 degree weather. Animal control gave them a warning, as I did not want my name on the report at the time. Now, I don't care.
It has been snowing pretty much since the last time I posted until now. This week it is supposed to rain, but we have been gaining major headway on the project.
We have a contractor friend who is in the Army (retired), and will be coming out this weekend. He has offered to help us put up the fence, and we have asked some of my hubby's other Army buddies to help as well. We picked a 6 ft wall (sounds crazy when I say that outloud), made of wood. We will put a two-door gate in the back, just in case we need to bring some type of cars or trucks to work on the backyard. We will also put locked gates on either side of the house.
Eventually, we will put up a metal black fence in the front. We have been having issues with people letting their dogs onto our property and not cleaning up after them. This will no longer be an issue if we just put up a fence out there. This metal fence will also be a way for us to lock the unwanted neighbors out of our front yard. They like to knock on our door now with random complaints.
The barbed wire was removed this past weekend. My husband went out there with wire cutters and destroyed it. He contacted the farmer (there is a cattle path behind our property), whom it belongs to, and told him to pick it up or risk stepping on it. It was on our side of the property. We're not really sure WHY he put it on OUR property and not his - mainly because we were the ONLY property on the cattle path with the barbed wire. We also spoke to the city about it and were given the "okay" to remove it.
We got permits for our fence. Our bad neighbors found out and caused a stink over it. Since they couldn't stop the work on our fence, they decided to weakly threaten us. Did you know that when you put up a fence around your yard, and it's on the border of someone else's - sometimes they will split the bill? I had no idea about that. We DID ask evil neighbors if they wanted to split the bill since the biggest portion of our fence will be on their side. They declined and stated they will be putting up their own vinyl fence (bad idea, the slats will crack easily out here).
Apparently, they have been going around the neighborhood claiming that IF we put up our fence - they will paint it or remove parts of it. I prewarned them that if they did such a thing, it was considered destroying property as it would be on our property. We made sure to get a land surveyor from the city. He came out this past monday and marked everything for us. We are putting the fence about 3-4 inches into our property so that no one can "claim" the fene as their own, and destroy it. We also go a work permit to put the fence up, so even if they complain, there will be zero issues.
You'll all be happy to know that I have met a new neighbor. Her name is Liz, and she is married (2 yrs) with a small child. She was interesting and not very mean at all. They moved in this past month. Apparently, her yard (she bought the house on the other side of the good neighbors) was covered in weeds too, although not near as bad nor is her property even close to the same size of ours. She offered to lend us her saw for our fence project.
I have not done the walkway. We got in contact with a contractor who will completely level our front yard for $50.00. We did NOT put in sod yet, or make way for the sprinkler system. We were informed, during the winter, that the little snots were still going into our yard. So, all of our effort has transformed to this fence project.
I removed all of the bricks and horrible sprinnklers for him to do that in the next month. My good neighbors and Liz have been coming over every day for the past week, taking the plants that we don't want etc. Most of our yard was overgrown and we had some issues with the trees being too close to the house. We have since ordered new bushes and plants for our planting beds.
These are what we picked out:
http://www.michiganbulb.com/product.asp_Q_pn_E_13407_A_Blue+Girl+Hybrid+Tea+Rose_E_
http://michiganbulb.com/product.asp_Q_pn_E_72765_A_Irish+Moss_E_
We decided to do blue roses for the front bushes (we used to have dead ones, so anything is an upgrade at this point), and irish mosh for in between the bushes.
We removed a LOT of the rocks (thanks for asking Newt), and a lot of the gravel. Our good neighbors took some of the bigger ones to their own yard (we had no use for them), and we are now down to only that one big pile in the back. The side of our house still has rocks laid down, so we will be gathering them up as soon as we finish the fence.
The weeds are all gone. It is now safely into spring, and we can say that our attack on them last year has done the trick. However, there are a lot of little twigs that have been needed to be raked up. I have been doing that myself, and filling up our trash can once a week (it's a big green trash can that they pick up every monday). It fills quickly and we cannot afford to go to the dump - nor have a way to transport it. (Dump costs $100.00 per trip)
I'm not going to lie, we did look into hiring professionals for our fence. However, the cost of materials alone is costing us $6,000. After doing research on the fence, we took 14-16 weeks just for them to come out and give an estimate. That was a long time. After we did get the estimate, we found out that it will cost an additional $3,000 for installation at least. This is too costly for us, as we are attempting to do other things with our yard as well. So, we are saving ourselves a lot of time (they estimated about another 12 weeks to come out for installation) and money.
I would also like to update the walkway path for everyone. I DID get all of the materials listed above, and then some. We decided on the right side facing the house, that we would also do an additional brick driveway. It would match the other brick walkway, and it would be less costly then just throwing down a slab of concrete. (This would cost us about $2,000 as opposed to the brick which was about $900)
I also bought solar lights for the pathway, for when it is completed. This is what they look like:
http://www.lightinguniverse.com/pathway-lighting/kichler-lighting-15319pz-mission-path-garden-pathway-light_g20675.html?isku=398977&linkloc=cataLogProductItemsImage
That is the closest picture I could find of it. The only difference is the glass for actual light is brushed glass, clear. It looks cracked from far away, even though it's really not and we DO have the option of hanging it but with the wind here we decided to just put a pole through the bottom and make it stand up.
So, even though it has been a while, most of the outside has not really been touched due to the snow. We are going to wait on the sod until the end of Aug. and then hopefull have the same contractor who leveled our front to lay down the sod and install the sprinklers. It will only cost us about $1,500.
Also, the neighbors across the way have moved out. They left a note on my car (I was watching them through the window), that they were basically moving because our yard was such an eye-sore. LOL What a bunch of snots. No cops have been called recently, however they DID call the water company on us and they called the fire marshall again. This is yet another reason why we want a fence. The fire marshall had the nerve to actually walk onto MY property and inspect it. Little did he know, I was home and I was watching him. He didn't leave a fine this time, nor even a letter. I confronted him about trespassing.
The water company was called because our evil neighbors know that before we moved in, a pipe burst. (Yes, I did make sure to ask who complained. It was the evil neighbors to the right of us, on both accounts.) The water company came out and inspected our water meters, but couldn't find anything of value to report us on. We did have a leaking toilet the week before, but that was fixed within 2 days. So, they didn't even have a reason to come out and waste their time.
I also painted inside the house when it was snowing outside. Here are some pictures. This is my youngest daughter's room right after the paint job. It took us 2 days to complete, mainly because the moldings and doors were this ugly tan color and refused to turn white. (The kids' rooms are the only ones with this ugly color) (Please ignore the weird lighting, parts of the roomy ou can't see are her butterfly pictures and her curtains. We only put up the one in the picture, it is clear with pink sparkle flowers on it. The lighting was horrible, and quite honestly after I finished I gave up on painting for a very long time. Her bedsheets and blankets are white with purple and pink flowers, purple lamp, and yes...her closet is really purple. It's not even organized in that picture.)
http://tinypic.com/m/ejc5lz/4
http://tinypic.com/m/ejc5m1/4
http://tinypic.com/m/ejc5m8/4
http://tinypic.com/m/ejc5mb/4
http://tinypic.com/m/ejc5mc/4
Ross Store
My husband is graduating from college (I know, he has a degree in literature and math...he is graduating with a degree for philosophy now - which will be his job after the Army), I have to go and put some new pin on his uniform for show. No biggie right. Except, I don't usually wear dresses and the ONLY dress or "dressy" clothes that I might have, are from before we were even married. So, none of them fit.
I saw an ad on tv about how Ross was having a huge sale on shoes. I saw a pair of shoes on it that I thought were cute, and while we were there looking at the shoes we might as well look for a dress for his event. Which we did. We didn't buy the shoes. We've never gone shopping there before and frankly didn't know what to expect. This is a small town, but I can always shop online if I can't find anything. I'd prefer to try on the dress, so I know if it fits or not.
My husband was wearing his fatigues, mainly because he had just rushed home from work to take me shopping. This is a rare event for us, since we both don't really like to go clothes shopping at all. However, this time we absolutely needed to get something new.
So, we wound up pulling down 12 dresses total and maybe 2 shirts. There are apparently all kinds of sundresses out there now, and I wanted to see which type would fit or rather look best. However, some of them have zippers and I definately needed help zipping up. Plus, it's always good to have someone tell you if something looks bad and who better then your spouse.
Naturally, as we have done in the last 20 years of our marriage, my husband helped me put on the dresses. I have no female relations nearby, nor any female friends (we just moved here). Obviously, my husband would be helping me. This the case for MANY married couples in the military, and I would not be surprised to see a civilian couple doing it as well. I mean, did they expect my 4 yr old to zip me up and tell me how it looks?
There wasn't a problem for the first 8 dresses. My husband went to return the first 8 to the little sales clerk that is in charge of the dressing rooms, and was told that a customer had complained about him being in the ladies dressing room. So, he wasn't allowed back there anymore. I had the option of either putting on the dress halfway and coming out to have him help me, or putting on the dress and coming out to have him assess it. Either way, I would be walking thru the dressing room half-naked (bra around my throat for easier changing), and standing for the world to see me.
I was not pleased, and saw this as a sign of sexism. If he was a girl, naturally this wouldn't of happened. This has never happened to us before, and to make matters worse we knew exactly who had complained. It wasn't like my husband was running around lost in there, randomly peeking in dressing rooms. No, he was in my room the entire time (first door on the right) and only left it once to return some things we weren't getting. They had a limit of 8 items, and we had 12 total. So, obviously, I needed to try on the others since I couldn't find a decent one out of the original 8.
Okay, so let's get to the complaint. I literally was keeping my bra pushed up so I could get in and out of the dresses fast. Some required the bra, and some didn't. I had no pants on, obviously, and some of these dresses were REALLY short. The complainer was a hugely obese woman wearing all black. She was trying on jeans. LOL She had no one helping her, and honestly I wouldn't need help trying on jeans either. Apparently, the fatty had issues with my husband helping his WIFE zip up.
I didn't see this as really "fair", because I saw another husband in there at the same time and because I didn't see why IIII had to be the one to walk out. Why should I have to walk outside of the dressing room because some fat bitch complained? Why should I have to go to extra lengths to make some fat bitch feel comfortable? That is what really irked me. I would now need to either do it myself, which I obviously couldn't, or I would have to embarass myself in front of the entire store. Fuck that shit. I didn't walk outside the dressing room, until I was done changing. I barely even tried the rest on. Even my husband was peeved and was thinking of leaving.
So, after a few comments about his tours in Iraq (I honestly felt bad for the sales woman), he stayed outside. I found a dress that I liked, however it had a zipper and I couldn't tell if it fit correctly or not. So I naturally told my husband that and we searched for either a bigger size or were just going to buy the one I had half-tried on. So, we tried searching for a bigger size and upon not finding one we asked customer service. Customer service was pretty much useless, so we decided to buy the one I had found.
Ever notice when you are checking out, that they always ask the same questions? Naturally, they asked if we had found everything okay. My instant response was, "Nope, couldnt even try this dress on because it has a zipper and my husband isn't allowed to help me try it on." The check-out girl immediately changed the subject.
Putting this episode to rest, my husband was the one that decided he won't be shopping there anymore. We have had zero issues with Victoria's Secret, Old Navy, Target, Walmart, Delia's, Aeropastle...etc. He has always been "allowed" to help me out in the dressing room. But, apparently, Ross is still stuck in the 60s OR they just value their fat customers more then their veterans. Plus, the fact that they have NOTHING in the back of the store for bigger sizes...it is a rather a weak selection anyways.
Edit: To the fat bitch who complained - you are a fucking cow. My husband doesn't want to see YOUR teets. He wants to see MINE. Go on a diet and stop with the bullshit excuses for your weight. Even with medical conditions, you CAN lose the weight if you actually get off your ass and stop expecting people to give you a cookie everytime you do something. If you are the size of a bus, you have no right to complain about ANYTHING. Your stench alone offends me. Aside from your weight, you told my HUSBAND AN IRAQ WAR VET NOT TO HELP HIS WIFE?! HE FIGHTS FOR YOUR RIGHT TO SAY THAT!
I saw an ad on tv about how Ross was having a huge sale on shoes. I saw a pair of shoes on it that I thought were cute, and while we were there looking at the shoes we might as well look for a dress for his event. Which we did. We didn't buy the shoes. We've never gone shopping there before and frankly didn't know what to expect. This is a small town, but I can always shop online if I can't find anything. I'd prefer to try on the dress, so I know if it fits or not.
My husband was wearing his fatigues, mainly because he had just rushed home from work to take me shopping. This is a rare event for us, since we both don't really like to go clothes shopping at all. However, this time we absolutely needed to get something new.
So, we wound up pulling down 12 dresses total and maybe 2 shirts. There are apparently all kinds of sundresses out there now, and I wanted to see which type would fit or rather look best. However, some of them have zippers and I definately needed help zipping up. Plus, it's always good to have someone tell you if something looks bad and who better then your spouse.
Naturally, as we have done in the last 20 years of our marriage, my husband helped me put on the dresses. I have no female relations nearby, nor any female friends (we just moved here). Obviously, my husband would be helping me. This the case for MANY married couples in the military, and I would not be surprised to see a civilian couple doing it as well. I mean, did they expect my 4 yr old to zip me up and tell me how it looks?
There wasn't a problem for the first 8 dresses. My husband went to return the first 8 to the little sales clerk that is in charge of the dressing rooms, and was told that a customer had complained about him being in the ladies dressing room. So, he wasn't allowed back there anymore. I had the option of either putting on the dress halfway and coming out to have him help me, or putting on the dress and coming out to have him assess it. Either way, I would be walking thru the dressing room half-naked (bra around my throat for easier changing), and standing for the world to see me.
I was not pleased, and saw this as a sign of sexism. If he was a girl, naturally this wouldn't of happened. This has never happened to us before, and to make matters worse we knew exactly who had complained. It wasn't like my husband was running around lost in there, randomly peeking in dressing rooms. No, he was in my room the entire time (first door on the right) and only left it once to return some things we weren't getting. They had a limit of 8 items, and we had 12 total. So, obviously, I needed to try on the others since I couldn't find a decent one out of the original 8.
Okay, so let's get to the complaint. I literally was keeping my bra pushed up so I could get in and out of the dresses fast. Some required the bra, and some didn't. I had no pants on, obviously, and some of these dresses were REALLY short. The complainer was a hugely obese woman wearing all black. She was trying on jeans. LOL She had no one helping her, and honestly I wouldn't need help trying on jeans either. Apparently, the fatty had issues with my husband helping his WIFE zip up.
I didn't see this as really "fair", because I saw another husband in there at the same time and because I didn't see why IIII had to be the one to walk out. Why should I have to walk outside of the dressing room because some fat bitch complained? Why should I have to go to extra lengths to make some fat bitch feel comfortable? That is what really irked me. I would now need to either do it myself, which I obviously couldn't, or I would have to embarass myself in front of the entire store. Fuck that shit. I didn't walk outside the dressing room, until I was done changing. I barely even tried the rest on. Even my husband was peeved and was thinking of leaving.
So, after a few comments about his tours in Iraq (I honestly felt bad for the sales woman), he stayed outside. I found a dress that I liked, however it had a zipper and I couldn't tell if it fit correctly or not. So I naturally told my husband that and we searched for either a bigger size or were just going to buy the one I had half-tried on. So, we tried searching for a bigger size and upon not finding one we asked customer service. Customer service was pretty much useless, so we decided to buy the one I had found.
Ever notice when you are checking out, that they always ask the same questions? Naturally, they asked if we had found everything okay. My instant response was, "Nope, couldnt even try this dress on because it has a zipper and my husband isn't allowed to help me try it on." The check-out girl immediately changed the subject.
Putting this episode to rest, my husband was the one that decided he won't be shopping there anymore. We have had zero issues with Victoria's Secret, Old Navy, Target, Walmart, Delia's, Aeropastle...etc. He has always been "allowed" to help me out in the dressing room. But, apparently, Ross is still stuck in the 60s OR they just value their fat customers more then their veterans. Plus, the fact that they have NOTHING in the back of the store for bigger sizes...it is a rather a weak selection anyways.
Edit: To the fat bitch who complained - you are a fucking cow. My husband doesn't want to see YOUR teets. He wants to see MINE. Go on a diet and stop with the bullshit excuses for your weight. Even with medical conditions, you CAN lose the weight if you actually get off your ass and stop expecting people to give you a cookie everytime you do something. If you are the size of a bus, you have no right to complain about ANYTHING. Your stench alone offends me. Aside from your weight, you told my HUSBAND AN IRAQ WAR VET NOT TO HELP HIS WIFE?! HE FIGHTS FOR YOUR RIGHT TO SAY THAT!
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Recurring Bartholian Cyst (Update)
I did go ahead and have part of my cyst removed. However, it kept coming back after my good doctor removed as much as she could. Although, now that it has been removed for the what? 5th? time, it is much smaller. About the size of a golf ball. Much better, however the pain is still there and so far nothing can be done about it.
After much debate, lots of doctor's appointments at the last minute, and little to no option - we have come to the conclusion that my cyst acting up might actually be a varicose vein in my labia. Apparently during sex, walking, and even just sitting on a couch, your vaginal walls fill with blood. This is called blood pooling. The newest theory is that I have a varicose vein in the same spot as my cyst, that is constantly filling with blood and basically spurting it into the incorrect place. It could also just be rubbing the wrong way, the same way a hemorrhoid would do (except it's not a hemmorrhoid).
In order to "fix" that, we have two choices. This is called bullet vs. shotgun option list. The "bullet" option would be to see an intervention radiologist to do a rare proceedure normally used on people with kidney problems (in order to become an intervention radiologist, it is supposed 3 extra years of schooling that most people do not do). While in their office, they give you local anesthetic and wire a tube through your femural vein/artery up to the vein that is causing the problems. This is the option I have picked to do for now.
If that does not work, then we are going to try the "shotgun" method. This would include the intervention radiologist, cleaning and destroying any active cyst, and killing nerve endings. This is considered a rash form of treatment and should only be used as a last resort. I have discussed killing my nerve endings before, so I will not go into detail about that now.
The only problem with my "bullet" option is that hardly any radiologists even DO this proceedure on people with kidney failure, let alone for a bartholian cyst. It is widely believed that varicose veins occur in pregnant women (in their vaginal walls), and CAN become into a bigger problem such as having painful sex. However, trying to find someone who WILL close off a varicose vein (since there are literally over 100 thousand veins in your labia), is problematic. Not only do doctors almost never do this for people, it is considered very dangerous, but it is very hard to find someone who is trained to do so. There is risk of poisoning your blood and risk of closing off the WRONG vein. There is obviously risk of infection and death.
So, for now, I wait for the call to go into surgery. Yet another "out patient" proceedure. They say I should be up and walking within 24 hrs, I highly doubt that though. I am just hoping we can find SOMEONE who will do this for me. This vein issue is not so new, but according to my female doctor, most male doctors refuse to even consider that there might be some sort of vein problem down there.
We shall see...if it doesn't work, we'll go with the "shotgun" option. At the moment, we are hoping it isn't a bartholian cyst recurring (we are basically taking a stab in the dark for treatment at this point). If it IS recurring, then I am in for the "shotgun" and praying that somehow it will fix it. If it turns out to be the vein, then I will never need to take pain medication again nor go in for any additional surgeries. So, here's hoping.
Edit: My doctor says that a lot of pregnant women come into her office with basically the same "interviews" of their symptoms. Pain during sex, swollen for over 2 hrs afterwards, and issues walking for the next 12 hrs. Although I am not pregnant, this might be an after-effect of my having a cyster during my two pregnancies. This is NOT something that is easily spotted, nor is it something easily fixed. Either way, if you have this vein issue, you are in for the run around trying to find a specialist that will do this proceedure for you.
After much debate, lots of doctor's appointments at the last minute, and little to no option - we have come to the conclusion that my cyst acting up might actually be a varicose vein in my labia. Apparently during sex, walking, and even just sitting on a couch, your vaginal walls fill with blood. This is called blood pooling. The newest theory is that I have a varicose vein in the same spot as my cyst, that is constantly filling with blood and basically spurting it into the incorrect place. It could also just be rubbing the wrong way, the same way a hemorrhoid would do (except it's not a hemmorrhoid).
In order to "fix" that, we have two choices. This is called bullet vs. shotgun option list. The "bullet" option would be to see an intervention radiologist to do a rare proceedure normally used on people with kidney problems (in order to become an intervention radiologist, it is supposed 3 extra years of schooling that most people do not do). While in their office, they give you local anesthetic and wire a tube through your femural vein/artery up to the vein that is causing the problems. This is the option I have picked to do for now.
If that does not work, then we are going to try the "shotgun" method. This would include the intervention radiologist, cleaning and destroying any active cyst, and killing nerve endings. This is considered a rash form of treatment and should only be used as a last resort. I have discussed killing my nerve endings before, so I will not go into detail about that now.
The only problem with my "bullet" option is that hardly any radiologists even DO this proceedure on people with kidney failure, let alone for a bartholian cyst. It is widely believed that varicose veins occur in pregnant women (in their vaginal walls), and CAN become into a bigger problem such as having painful sex. However, trying to find someone who WILL close off a varicose vein (since there are literally over 100 thousand veins in your labia), is problematic. Not only do doctors almost never do this for people, it is considered very dangerous, but it is very hard to find someone who is trained to do so. There is risk of poisoning your blood and risk of closing off the WRONG vein. There is obviously risk of infection and death.
So, for now, I wait for the call to go into surgery. Yet another "out patient" proceedure. They say I should be up and walking within 24 hrs, I highly doubt that though. I am just hoping we can find SOMEONE who will do this for me. This vein issue is not so new, but according to my female doctor, most male doctors refuse to even consider that there might be some sort of vein problem down there.
We shall see...if it doesn't work, we'll go with the "shotgun" option. At the moment, we are hoping it isn't a bartholian cyst recurring (we are basically taking a stab in the dark for treatment at this point). If it IS recurring, then I am in for the "shotgun" and praying that somehow it will fix it. If it turns out to be the vein, then I will never need to take pain medication again nor go in for any additional surgeries. So, here's hoping.
Edit: My doctor says that a lot of pregnant women come into her office with basically the same "interviews" of their symptoms. Pain during sex, swollen for over 2 hrs afterwards, and issues walking for the next 12 hrs. Although I am not pregnant, this might be an after-effect of my having a cyster during my two pregnancies. This is NOT something that is easily spotted, nor is it something easily fixed. Either way, if you have this vein issue, you are in for the run around trying to find a specialist that will do this proceedure for you.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Gosick Ending Song
This is the Gosick Ending Song Download. It's the full version. I got it from here, first link: http://mp3searchy.com/download/Lisa_Komine_Resuscitated_Hope_Full.html
It's by Lisa Komine - Resuscitated Hope
Here are the lyrics:
Loneliness
fighting back again
seems to me like it never ends
Give us hope through the labrynth moon shine on me
tsu-yoku furiyamanu
ameni egao wasureta mama
kurushimu surechi-gau sekai
arasoito itsuwarino nakade
kokoro
karasuno nara
arekuruu namini ukabu hana noyouni
Lead the way arashio norikoete
kareyuku daichio fumishimeru youni
Go ahead massugu ayumi-dase-u
tsu-yoku furiyamanu
ameni egao wasureta mama
kurushimu surechi-gau sekai
arasoito itsuwarino nakade
kokoro
karasuno nara
arekuruu namini ukabu hana noyouni
Lead the way arashio norikoete
kareyuku daichio fumishimeru youni
Go ahead massugu ayumi-dase-u
arasoito itsuwarino nakade
kokoro
karasuno nara
Loneliness
fighting back again
seems to me like it never ends
Give us hope through the labrynth moon shine on me
kareyuku daichio fumishimeru youni
Go ahead massugu ayumi-dase-u
arekuruu namini ukabu hana noyouni
Lead the way arashio norikoete
kareyuku daichio fumishimeru youni
Go ahead massugu ayumi-dase-u
It's by Lisa Komine - Resuscitated Hope
Here are the lyrics:
Loneliness
fighting back again
seems to me like it never ends
Give us hope through the labrynth moon shine on me
tsu-yoku furiyamanu
ameni egao wasureta mama
kurushimu surechi-gau sekai
arasoito itsuwarino nakade
kokoro
karasuno nara
arekuruu namini ukabu hana noyouni
Lead the way arashio norikoete
kareyuku daichio fumishimeru youni
Go ahead massugu ayumi-dase-u
tsu-yoku furiyamanu
ameni egao wasureta mama
kurushimu surechi-gau sekai
arasoito itsuwarino nakade
kokoro
karasuno nara
arekuruu namini ukabu hana noyouni
Lead the way arashio norikoete
kareyuku daichio fumishimeru youni
Go ahead massugu ayumi-dase-u
arasoito itsuwarino nakade
kokoro
karasuno nara
Loneliness
fighting back again
seems to me like it never ends
Give us hope through the labrynth moon shine on me
kareyuku daichio fumishimeru youni
Go ahead massugu ayumi-dase-u
arekuruu namini ukabu hana noyouni
Lead the way arashio norikoete
kareyuku daichio fumishimeru youni
Go ahead massugu ayumi-dase-u
Thursday, March 3, 2011
15 YEARS!!!
My DH and I have been married for well over 15 yrs, with 3 wonderful DDs to show for it. We have never had many issues with the ILs before, only with MY family. I didn't have a wonderful relationship with either of my parents, and my DH was kind enough to help me through setting boundaries up for them. I decided when my first DD was born, that either they would be loving parents who were involved in our children's lives - or they can check out of our lives immediately. This worked wonderfully for us, and has continued to work for MY side of the family.
I apologize is this is too long for some people, but I have been loudly fuming for years over some of the things the ILs have done to us. I have watched this site everyday, and have used some of the words written by others to help work for my own life. Any feedback would be appreciated, and advice muchly needed. It seems that I can be very stubborn (hehe), and it is driving my husband nuts.
This all started when we were dating. We met online (which was a "new thing" back then), and after months of dating we finally moved in together - eventually getting married with no family present (drove them all nuts!). He was originally from a different state, and really close to his family. I was worried that he was a mommy's boy at first, because the witch would constantly call him day/night. Finally, we set a rule that she can only call during daylight time (Noon-9pm) because she was randomly calling in the middle of the night just to say meaningless things to him (she can't sleep, etc).
I only got the nerve to set down the ground rules for that because she interrupted us making our first DD together. I hit the roof over it. After my DH calmed her down (emotional fits etc), we figured it was all over with and she finally understood. OH NO! I was mistaken. She wound up waking up his entire family (people I had never met before), and saying that I had banned him from her. Obviously, making me look like a bad guy. We received well over 10 calls that night at 2am, and my DH had to explain the situation to every single one of them. It was mortifying, and the twisting has not stopped since.
When we announced to the family that we were going to have our first DD, his mother's response was to ask to speak to me. I stupidly thought she was going to congratulate us. Wrong! The witch had the nerve to ask if it was REALLY his! She wound up twisting him around so much that even HE asked for a paternity test for a couple of weeks. After seeing the light, we explained to her that our sex life was none of her business (enter emotional fits and more calls from relatives).
When that all settled down, she insisted on naming our daughter for us. I had picked out a wonderful Irish/Gaelic name for her, and we were both set on it (this is how we named all of our children). For months, during the pregnancy and even after, she continued to harass us to name our daughter Virgin or Tulip. I sh!t you not. She has still not let this one go.
After little contact with her, and very little response via email on our part, we figured it wouldn't be a big deal to go to his hometown for a week or two (we had 2 DDs by then, both young 3 and 2). My aunt lives in the same area and had recently lost her daughter. My cousin had been sick for a very long time, and finally passed away. Since my aunt was having problems grieving, we offered for my husband and DDs to visit his family and for me to help my aunt cope.
The visit went better then expected. We had driven over 48 hrs to get there, and on the day we left (not even an hour into our drive) we received a phone call from MIL.
Let's take a break for a minute. LOL I will strictly state that I do NOT beat my kids. :) I am strict with our form of discipline for them (at such a young age usually telling them no or giving them a small time-out worked best for them), and my husband attests to how loving I am with them. We spoil them rotten, but we make sure that they understand right from wrong. It can be difficult, but when one of US needs a break - we call each other and talk for 5 minutes to calm down. It works for us. Anywho...
MIL calls MY phone, not DH's phone - which was weird since she hates me, and claims that GMIL (who we had only seen once on the trip) saw me beat my eldest DD. She wound up screaming at me for over 15minutes (I was in tears, and my DH put it on speaker so he could hear) about how I took my eldest DD into the bedroom and slapped her around. My DH and I were stunned, angry, and upset about it. We wanted to know how this rumor started, and what was the meaning of the call - we had literally JUST left.
You're going to LOVE this! Apparently, a friend of GMIL saw me take my eldest DD for nap that day (kids didn't have a nap that day, but w/e) before we left and heard screaming from the room. I, apparently, was slapping my eldest across the face and screaming at her. Mind you, I had never met this friend nor heard of her before now. They did NOT have a nap that day, we wanted them tired for the lengthy road trip. I do NOT slap my children, abuse of any form is not tolerated in my house. (I think the only response I had at the time was to ask if GMIL was drinking. LOL This later got turned into me calling GMIL a drunk.)
My DH had a stroke of genius, we could continue the trip home and turn off our cellphones. We did this for the next two days driving back, and talked amongst ourselves of what our course of action would be. Apparently, it had all blown up in our faces as we were driving home. Best time to strike is when the other person can't defend themself right?
Got home, and I turn on my cellphone. Lots of angry messages calling me a horrible, abusive mother and a ton of threats. Then, I get a call from my grieving aunt whom I had been visiting. Apparently, my facebook page (which is mainly used to put updated pictures of the kids on) was lit up by the ILs. The MIL and GMIL had messaged every single person on my friend's list, trashing DH and I. I was threatened with CPS and with bodily harm, at least 10x, by the ILs since we had last talked on the phone. She even contacted my ex-DH, whom I was married to for 10 years. He is actually still close friends with DH and I. He told MIL and GMIL off. LOL
It is now almost a year later, and one more DD later, and I still continue to receive random nasty messages from the GMIL. While she is telling DH that she wants to bury the hatchet, she is sending a horrible email to me THAT SAME DAY! I will attach one of them at the end of this, so you all can understand what I have had to go through for the past year. It took a lot of work and a lot of apologies on behalf of the ILs to every single person they messaged (most of which told them off in response to the messages).
We have had almost no contact with MIL. She claims she is very sorry for believing what GMIL claimed. But, part of me doesn't buy it. She has seen me with my kids, as have many other people they messaged, and even said she didn't think it possible of me. So, I find it hard to forgive her.
I find it hard to forgive GMIL because of the rift she has caused between my family and DH's family. I felt it was unjustified and uncalled for. She didn't even have PROOF and she attacked me like that. Yet, all the while I was there, she was trying to convince me it was okay to take a pan to my daughter's head when she doesn't listen to me! The nerve!
Anyways, my DH is angry that I just cannot let it go. As a mother, that is the worst thing to be accused of. As an ADA, I see cases like that all the time. It astounds me that it could even be considered! I'm just not sure what to think now. I can't find it in me to let it go, but I'm starting to wonder if I should.
Message from GMIL 2 weeks ago:
Im not sorry you are upset with me , because you upset a lot of people who love DH,and we defend our own.Now I cantacted your aunt * about something that SIL and Friend saw when they went down to the basement to start cleaning ,and I was really concerned about it .They told me you slapped Kinsey (this is not my DD1's name) and rushed her into the bedroom when you knew they were there ,I know the kids drive you crazy but thats not the way to handle them,and you know that .I wanted to know if Aunt knew what made you get upset so easy about everything ,and it seems you are never happy about anything or anyone , and its seems that it would really be easy for you to slapp the kids around a bit ,I dont believe I have ever met a person so negative about everyting as you are ,its sad ,because you have a wonderful family and friends who could love you very much , but you want let them. No there was nothing bad about you on facebook my message was private ,just read it.And you need to see someone about your negativity ,get some happiness in your life .
By the way I called DH to about my concerns about the babies
~I did NOT respond or call her. Neither did DH or anyone we know.~
GMIL message from 1 week ago:
Well ,lets see where to start ,DH says its embarassing about facebook, I cant see why, when nothing was posted on facebook,and you know that, your just trying to cover up something ,you dont want anyone to know the truth, but you know ,I can post everything I know on UTube Twitter and facebook, if you keep making DH feel bad ,I just might do that ,and another thing you made me feel hurt and embarassed the way you treated DH the whole time you were here,every body in this family saw the type of person you are ,and the tooth ache ,you didn't give a damn about him in that kind of pain .The flea market day really showed me the real you .selfish ,didn't give a damn about anyone but yourself .
Now about the babies ,I didnt see you ever hit them but two other people did ,and the way you talk to them as, and I quote [SHUT THE F*CK UP] I wonder what a court of law would say to that and there are witnesses to all you said to them .And you call yourself a mother ,you sleep till lunchtime everyday [[you have games to play at night ]],this is such a childish thing to do especially when you have little kids ,its stupid, what do these babies do when you sleep most of the day , Oh I know you leave it to DH ,you left them alone and went out to eat Fridaty Night,and we are wondering how many times a week you do that ,you know that we know you do this , I just wonder what the hell did you have kids for,oh ,I know ,you trapped DH with DD2 ,and I'm wondering if you did the same thing with Kinsey (I think she means DD1),is that the only way you can keep a man .You cant be around thoes kids 15 min until your going looney ,you need some help girl before you ruin these llittle lives. An the incident where DD2 fell out of a carrier is in question????
You know what is wrong with us?, is that you have never acknowledged DH ever on Facebook or any where else ,its like he dosen't exist . I saw him getting really tired always taking care of the babies waiting for you to get out of bed everyday ,yeah I am really mad with you about how you treat such a sweet person,its like hes only your Nanny ,and you can bet that any way I can stop you Im going to do it you are only a USER in the worst way
I have one phone number I could call and blow your world apart, I suggest you start treating DH like he matters and if you want to be with him then leave now,and if you dont then send him home ,and we will forget you and DD2 ever existed ,Dont you dare call me a drunk again you liar I cant wait to get things started
~Some clarifications:
When we go on vacation, it's Mommy's vacation too. Normally, I take care of the children 24-7 and work a full-time job. I work to pay bills, and he works part time. It took him 9 years to get the one job he DOES have. Otherwise, he sleeps all day and I take care of EVERYTHING else. That includes mowing the lawn. So, when I'm helping my grieving aunt while on vacation - you can bet your ass, I will be taking a vacation.
When we visited, I drove over 4 hrs each way to visit my aunt so we could stay closer to DH's family for more quality time. My cousin had just died two months ago. I went down everyday we were there, and only had 3 hrs of sleep each day during naptime (would leave my aunt around 8am, and head there around 5pm - the family was doing suicide watch shifts).
I went out on Friday morning to visit my aunt for the final time, before leaving. I wanted to make sure that she was okay, and not as depressed as she had been. I was never really close to my mother's side of the family, but when my aunt reached out to me for some support when I was in the area (at the request of my mother, I agreed) I decided I had no choice. She was so depressed that she was hospitalized twice while in my care, visiting her.
After 4 days, we decided to call our trip done because a blizzard was rolling in and would close down the roads for our trip home. We DID get caught in the blizzard otw home, and had to stay at a crummy motel for 2 days till the roads opened up again.
We went to a flea market twice, and I spent MY hard-earned money on a few pieces for our new house. We live in a small town, and do not get out much to do it at home. No flea markets here - big bummer!
If you noticed from the letter, GMIL only cares about DD2...and in the end of the 2nd letter, she tells me she will act like DD2 doesn't exist. I'm not sure why she acted like this - OR why they act like OUR children are supposedly different. She didn't even mention DD3, and for the life of her doesn't know DD1's name - it's not even close.
DH DID have a tooth problem. He refused to see a dentist before the trip, and instead had it pulled while we were visiting the last day. His choice, not mine. I made sure to drive him to and from the dentist, and took over watching the kiddlings until we left.
No, I did not say "shut the f*ck up". I told DD1 to stop screetching in my ear, exactly like that. I said "stop screeching". I also don't spank or hit my children, it's a rule in my house. Anyone that knows me, knows I don't touch my kids in anger.
Carrier issue with DD2 was that DH was carrying DD2 in a car seat, getting ready to put her into the car and the car seat handle snapped. She was 6 months old at the time. I freaked, came home from work and made us go to the hospital for an overnight stay jic there was swelling. I personally had those car seats removed from the shelves at our local store and filed a complaint to the manufacturer. They are no longer sold.
I am also not sure what game I play at night. I do my work on my laptop at night, and sometimes cannot sleep because I have so much to do. DH does not work as much, and he doesn't mind his role in our house. DH plays games at night, I don't. Also, what we do with our personal time is NONE of her business. Especially if it doesn't effect the children.
I LOVE the threats by the way. She's full of them. I also have friends who work for CPS, as I've been working on my master's in social work. But, okay, keep threatening from 10 states away.
Like I said, it's been eating me up constantly since it happened. It hasn't ended. If ANYONE has any suggestions, please let me know. DH thinks that she is being nice to me, even after seeing the messages. All he hears is me complaining and getting mad about the messages, and then her getting mad that I haven't forgiven her yet. I'm sorely tempted to just cut her out. Such a mess.
I apologize is this is too long for some people, but I have been loudly fuming for years over some of the things the ILs have done to us. I have watched this site everyday, and have used some of the words written by others to help work for my own life. Any feedback would be appreciated, and advice muchly needed. It seems that I can be very stubborn (hehe), and it is driving my husband nuts.
This all started when we were dating. We met online (which was a "new thing" back then), and after months of dating we finally moved in together - eventually getting married with no family present (drove them all nuts!). He was originally from a different state, and really close to his family. I was worried that he was a mommy's boy at first, because the witch would constantly call him day/night. Finally, we set a rule that she can only call during daylight time (Noon-9pm) because she was randomly calling in the middle of the night just to say meaningless things to him (she can't sleep, etc).
I only got the nerve to set down the ground rules for that because she interrupted us making our first DD together. I hit the roof over it. After my DH calmed her down (emotional fits etc), we figured it was all over with and she finally understood. OH NO! I was mistaken. She wound up waking up his entire family (people I had never met before), and saying that I had banned him from her. Obviously, making me look like a bad guy. We received well over 10 calls that night at 2am, and my DH had to explain the situation to every single one of them. It was mortifying, and the twisting has not stopped since.
When we announced to the family that we were going to have our first DD, his mother's response was to ask to speak to me. I stupidly thought she was going to congratulate us. Wrong! The witch had the nerve to ask if it was REALLY his! She wound up twisting him around so much that even HE asked for a paternity test for a couple of weeks. After seeing the light, we explained to her that our sex life was none of her business (enter emotional fits and more calls from relatives).
When that all settled down, she insisted on naming our daughter for us. I had picked out a wonderful Irish/Gaelic name for her, and we were both set on it (this is how we named all of our children). For months, during the pregnancy and even after, she continued to harass us to name our daughter Virgin or Tulip. I sh!t you not. She has still not let this one go.
After little contact with her, and very little response via email on our part, we figured it wouldn't be a big deal to go to his hometown for a week or two (we had 2 DDs by then, both young 3 and 2). My aunt lives in the same area and had recently lost her daughter. My cousin had been sick for a very long time, and finally passed away. Since my aunt was having problems grieving, we offered for my husband and DDs to visit his family and for me to help my aunt cope.
The visit went better then expected. We had driven over 48 hrs to get there, and on the day we left (not even an hour into our drive) we received a phone call from MIL.
Let's take a break for a minute. LOL I will strictly state that I do NOT beat my kids. :) I am strict with our form of discipline for them (at such a young age usually telling them no or giving them a small time-out worked best for them), and my husband attests to how loving I am with them. We spoil them rotten, but we make sure that they understand right from wrong. It can be difficult, but when one of US needs a break - we call each other and talk for 5 minutes to calm down. It works for us. Anywho...
MIL calls MY phone, not DH's phone - which was weird since she hates me, and claims that GMIL (who we had only seen once on the trip) saw me beat my eldest DD. She wound up screaming at me for over 15minutes (I was in tears, and my DH put it on speaker so he could hear) about how I took my eldest DD into the bedroom and slapped her around. My DH and I were stunned, angry, and upset about it. We wanted to know how this rumor started, and what was the meaning of the call - we had literally JUST left.
You're going to LOVE this! Apparently, a friend of GMIL saw me take my eldest DD for nap that day (kids didn't have a nap that day, but w/e) before we left and heard screaming from the room. I, apparently, was slapping my eldest across the face and screaming at her. Mind you, I had never met this friend nor heard of her before now. They did NOT have a nap that day, we wanted them tired for the lengthy road trip. I do NOT slap my children, abuse of any form is not tolerated in my house. (I think the only response I had at the time was to ask if GMIL was drinking. LOL This later got turned into me calling GMIL a drunk.)
My DH had a stroke of genius, we could continue the trip home and turn off our cellphones. We did this for the next two days driving back, and talked amongst ourselves of what our course of action would be. Apparently, it had all blown up in our faces as we were driving home. Best time to strike is when the other person can't defend themself right?
Got home, and I turn on my cellphone. Lots of angry messages calling me a horrible, abusive mother and a ton of threats. Then, I get a call from my grieving aunt whom I had been visiting. Apparently, my facebook page (which is mainly used to put updated pictures of the kids on) was lit up by the ILs. The MIL and GMIL had messaged every single person on my friend's list, trashing DH and I. I was threatened with CPS and with bodily harm, at least 10x, by the ILs since we had last talked on the phone. She even contacted my ex-DH, whom I was married to for 10 years. He is actually still close friends with DH and I. He told MIL and GMIL off. LOL
It is now almost a year later, and one more DD later, and I still continue to receive random nasty messages from the GMIL. While she is telling DH that she wants to bury the hatchet, she is sending a horrible email to me THAT SAME DAY! I will attach one of them at the end of this, so you all can understand what I have had to go through for the past year. It took a lot of work and a lot of apologies on behalf of the ILs to every single person they messaged (most of which told them off in response to the messages).
We have had almost no contact with MIL. She claims she is very sorry for believing what GMIL claimed. But, part of me doesn't buy it. She has seen me with my kids, as have many other people they messaged, and even said she didn't think it possible of me. So, I find it hard to forgive her.
I find it hard to forgive GMIL because of the rift she has caused between my family and DH's family. I felt it was unjustified and uncalled for. She didn't even have PROOF and she attacked me like that. Yet, all the while I was there, she was trying to convince me it was okay to take a pan to my daughter's head when she doesn't listen to me! The nerve!
Anyways, my DH is angry that I just cannot let it go. As a mother, that is the worst thing to be accused of. As an ADA, I see cases like that all the time. It astounds me that it could even be considered! I'm just not sure what to think now. I can't find it in me to let it go, but I'm starting to wonder if I should.
Message from GMIL 2 weeks ago:
Im not sorry you are upset with me , because you upset a lot of people who love DH,and we defend our own.Now I cantacted your aunt * about something that SIL and Friend saw when they went down to the basement to start cleaning ,and I was really concerned about it .They told me you slapped Kinsey (this is not my DD1's name) and rushed her into the bedroom when you knew they were there ,I know the kids drive you crazy but thats not the way to handle them,and you know that .I wanted to know if Aunt knew what made you get upset so easy about everything ,and it seems you are never happy about anything or anyone , and its seems that it would really be easy for you to slapp the kids around a bit ,I dont believe I have ever met a person so negative about everyting as you are ,its sad ,because you have a wonderful family and friends who could love you very much , but you want let them. No there was nothing bad about you on facebook my message was private ,just read it.And you need to see someone about your negativity ,get some happiness in your life .
By the way I called DH to about my concerns about the babies
~I did NOT respond or call her. Neither did DH or anyone we know.~
GMIL message from 1 week ago:
Well ,lets see where to start ,DH says its embarassing about facebook, I cant see why, when nothing was posted on facebook,and you know that, your just trying to cover up something ,you dont want anyone to know the truth, but you know ,I can post everything I know on UTube Twitter and facebook, if you keep making DH feel bad ,I just might do that ,and another thing you made me feel hurt and embarassed the way you treated DH the whole time you were here,every body in this family saw the type of person you are ,and the tooth ache ,you didn't give a damn about him in that kind of pain .The flea market day really showed me the real you .selfish ,didn't give a damn about anyone but yourself .
Now about the babies ,I didnt see you ever hit them but two other people did ,and the way you talk to them as, and I quote [SHUT THE F*CK UP] I wonder what a court of law would say to that and there are witnesses to all you said to them .And you call yourself a mother ,you sleep till lunchtime everyday [[you have games to play at night ]],this is such a childish thing to do especially when you have little kids ,its stupid, what do these babies do when you sleep most of the day , Oh I know you leave it to DH ,you left them alone and went out to eat Fridaty Night,and we are wondering how many times a week you do that ,you know that we know you do this , I just wonder what the hell did you have kids for,oh ,I know ,you trapped DH with DD2 ,and I'm wondering if you did the same thing with Kinsey (I think she means DD1),is that the only way you can keep a man .You cant be around thoes kids 15 min until your going looney ,you need some help girl before you ruin these llittle lives. An the incident where DD2 fell out of a carrier is in question????
You know what is wrong with us?, is that you have never acknowledged DH ever on Facebook or any where else ,its like he dosen't exist . I saw him getting really tired always taking care of the babies waiting for you to get out of bed everyday ,yeah I am really mad with you about how you treat such a sweet person,its like hes only your Nanny ,and you can bet that any way I can stop you Im going to do it you are only a USER in the worst way
I have one phone number I could call and blow your world apart, I suggest you start treating DH like he matters and if you want to be with him then leave now,and if you dont then send him home ,and we will forget you and DD2 ever existed ,Dont you dare call me a drunk again you liar I cant wait to get things started
~Some clarifications:
When we go on vacation, it's Mommy's vacation too. Normally, I take care of the children 24-7 and work a full-time job. I work to pay bills, and he works part time. It took him 9 years to get the one job he DOES have. Otherwise, he sleeps all day and I take care of EVERYTHING else. That includes mowing the lawn. So, when I'm helping my grieving aunt while on vacation - you can bet your ass, I will be taking a vacation.
When we visited, I drove over 4 hrs each way to visit my aunt so we could stay closer to DH's family for more quality time. My cousin had just died two months ago. I went down everyday we were there, and only had 3 hrs of sleep each day during naptime (would leave my aunt around 8am, and head there around 5pm - the family was doing suicide watch shifts).
I went out on Friday morning to visit my aunt for the final time, before leaving. I wanted to make sure that she was okay, and not as depressed as she had been. I was never really close to my mother's side of the family, but when my aunt reached out to me for some support when I was in the area (at the request of my mother, I agreed) I decided I had no choice. She was so depressed that she was hospitalized twice while in my care, visiting her.
After 4 days, we decided to call our trip done because a blizzard was rolling in and would close down the roads for our trip home. We DID get caught in the blizzard otw home, and had to stay at a crummy motel for 2 days till the roads opened up again.
We went to a flea market twice, and I spent MY hard-earned money on a few pieces for our new house. We live in a small town, and do not get out much to do it at home. No flea markets here - big bummer!
If you noticed from the letter, GMIL only cares about DD2...and in the end of the 2nd letter, she tells me she will act like DD2 doesn't exist. I'm not sure why she acted like this - OR why they act like OUR children are supposedly different. She didn't even mention DD3, and for the life of her doesn't know DD1's name - it's not even close.
DH DID have a tooth problem. He refused to see a dentist before the trip, and instead had it pulled while we were visiting the last day. His choice, not mine. I made sure to drive him to and from the dentist, and took over watching the kiddlings until we left.
No, I did not say "shut the f*ck up". I told DD1 to stop screetching in my ear, exactly like that. I said "stop screeching". I also don't spank or hit my children, it's a rule in my house. Anyone that knows me, knows I don't touch my kids in anger.
Carrier issue with DD2 was that DH was carrying DD2 in a car seat, getting ready to put her into the car and the car seat handle snapped. She was 6 months old at the time. I freaked, came home from work and made us go to the hospital for an overnight stay jic there was swelling. I personally had those car seats removed from the shelves at our local store and filed a complaint to the manufacturer. They are no longer sold.
I am also not sure what game I play at night. I do my work on my laptop at night, and sometimes cannot sleep because I have so much to do. DH does not work as much, and he doesn't mind his role in our house. DH plays games at night, I don't. Also, what we do with our personal time is NONE of her business. Especially if it doesn't effect the children.
I LOVE the threats by the way. She's full of them. I also have friends who work for CPS, as I've been working on my master's in social work. But, okay, keep threatening from 10 states away.
Like I said, it's been eating me up constantly since it happened. It hasn't ended. If ANYONE has any suggestions, please let me know. DH thinks that she is being nice to me, even after seeing the messages. All he hears is me complaining and getting mad about the messages, and then her getting mad that I haven't forgiven her yet. I'm sorely tempted to just cut her out. Such a mess.
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