http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jennifer-hicks/dear-mom-on-the-iphone-youre-doing-fine_b_5648388.html
Um, what? Your kids are in a public place and you're on your phone? I'll happily judge. I bring a book and glance every paragraph to make sure the kids aren't being shoved, kicked in the face, or stolen. That's part of being a parent. If you're too busy on your phone to watch them, then maybe you shouldn't be going to a public place where ANYTHING can happen. You may have watched them 24-7 during the last 5 years of their life, but that doesn't mean you can cut some slack to play on your iphone. This is a terrible article that is basically telling parents it's a-okay to ignore your kids and what happens to them in public places, all because you want 10 minutes on your phone.
I bring a book. I glance up everytime I hear "hey mom", a hurt cry, or anything out of the ordinary. I don't hover, but I don't ignore my kids. I also glance up every paragraph to make sure I know WHERE in the park they are, and that they are okay.
This is the type of "mom" I deal with everyday. While their kids are usually acting like holy terrors, I'm the one trying to deal with the situation. You don't need to watch 24-7 but you need to be aware.
If you want "alone mom time", take an hour when someone else is watching the kids (such as dad) or when they are in the bath. You don't do that at a public place. If you are working on your phone while taking your kids to the park, then maybe you need to schedule your time better.
People really need to stop making excuses for being lazy parents. These "moms" knew that having kids would be a nonstop job, so why should we be allowing excuses to be made? Kids need to be watched. As a parent you watch them. Period.
If you want some "me" time there are much better times to get it. If you are working while taking your kids to the park, time to hire someone or just not take someone to the park. That simple.
You can still have a conversation or attempt to read part of a book, WHILE watching your children. But the minute you pick up that phone, you are essentially taking your eyes off your kids. If your gaze is downcast at Farmville for over 5 minutes, then you aren't watching your kids. If you are on the phone and more interested in the conversation, then you aren't watching your kids.
A public place is NOT the time to take your eyes off your child.
Statistics:
- Approximately 800,000 children younger than 18 were
reported missing.
- More than 200,000 children were abducted by family members.
- More than 58,000 children were abducted by nonfamily members.
- An estimated 115 children were the victims of “stereotypical” kidnapping. These “stereotypical” kidnappings involved someone the child did not know or was an acquaintance. The child was held overnight, transported 50 miles or more, killed, ransomed or held with the intent to keep the child permanently.
OR look at this...
http://www.parents.com/kids/safety/stranger-safety/child-abduction-facts/
Statistics on child abduction...
Approximately 800,000 children younger than 18 were reported missing.
More than 200,000 children were abducted by family members.
More than 58,000 children were abducted by nonfamily members.
An estimated 115 children were the victims of “stereotypical” kidnapping. These “stereotypical” kidnappings involved someone the child did not know or was an acquaintance. The child was held overnight, transported 50 miles or more, killed, ransomed or held with the intent to keep the child permanently.
I will just say that even having 58,000 kids being abducted by pedophiles or non-family members is still a hellova lot. Pedophiles and child porn are going through the roof lately. Watch your kids.
OR, look at this...
http://www.parents.com/kids/safety/stranger-safety/child-abduction-facts/
While kidnappings have gone down...there is still a LOT of children being kidnapped. According to a study done on parents.com, 27% of 840,279 are acquantainces (this could be anywhere from knowing someone at a park for 2 hours, to knowing someone from "church" or "school") = 226,875, 24% is pure strangers (aka grab and run) = 201,667.
Seems like an awful lot. According to most statistics, a child is abducted every 30 seconds.
So, while kids are more likely to be stolen by their family members...let's not dismiss the children that are taken by pedophiles or freaks. Those are still REALLY high numbers.
I'm sure with the amber alert, things have gotten better...but how good do the numbers hafta be to not watch your kids 24-7 while in a PUBLIC place? All it takes is taking some me time for your kid to get hurt, stolen, or something else.
If you truly need some "me time" then you need to be doing that while at home, and preferably while your children are in bed. That's the role of a parent. Don't cry a river just because you have to actually WATCH your kids in public. WAH for you!
Just because you watch your kids doesn't mean that you "hover" over them. I can safely watch MY kids from a bench, without getting too involved. (Though there have been MANY iphone moms who's children are out of control and we've had to leave because of it). Mine are old enough to play with each other while I just hang out on a bench, but I know who they are playing with and where they are located in the park - at all times.
It's my job. It's not fearmongering. It's called being aware. Telling people to not be so concerned because it's mainly other family members who abduct, is insanity. That's is NOT the only reason we should worry.
Oh and to the people telling me not to judge? HA! I lost count of the out of control kids, with parents not watching them. I'm going to survey my surroundings when we show up to the park (we basically have one in our back yard, so we don't like to go except for special treats). If I see a ton of moms hanging out having lots of conversations with each other, backs to their kids...or the iphone moms who have been on it playing Farmville (backs to their kids, or not even glancing up), then that means I need to do my job even more AND your job too.
I hate having to watch other people's kids AND mine. If your kid just kicked mine in the face, and you don't notice...that's YOUR fault and I WILL judge you. (Accidents happen, I allow 3 mishaps before I tell my kids to avoid said kid) If it keeps happening, I WILL say something to YOU. If you don't realize that my kid being kicked in the face is a serious problem, then we will leave. Simple at that. If we see you at the park again, we won't go near you or your kids. These moms want their kids to play with other kids? Well, then they need to WATCH them and punish them when they are being little snots. Not make excuses for themselves, not make articles like this. Watch your KIDS and handle situations as they come up.
Simple.
The reason this angers me so much is because recently there was an iphone mom IN HER CAR, and she left her autistic son to play on the playground by himself. This kid was out of control. Punching, hitting, throwing wood chips, shoving kids off the playset (one kid fell about 6 feet, but lucky was okay), etc. I had to eventually ask the kid nicely to stop punching my 5 year old (autistic kid was about 8?) - I saw her get hit in the face, arm, back, and once the leg. He runs off SCREAMING, I'm all like...okay...it's handled. His iphone mom gets out of her car and charges up to me accusing me of being a super bitch, that I should excuse his behavior because he is autistic. Lady, if your kid has that many problems...then you should be watching him, not on your phone in the damn car. (Other moms nearby agreed with me) But, it should never have come to that. She should never have been on her phone. Let alone in the car. If your kid has issues, WATCH them.
ANYTHING could happen in a public place. Bullying and then some. It's NOT only about abductions. There are at least 10 reasons I can think of off the top of my head.
Edit: There is also a difference between a book and a phone. You can stop reading any time you want. You can't exactly end a phone call immediately, without social or work consequences. I doubt any of these iphone moms would actually put down their phone if their kid was being a brat. They wouldn't even notice.
You don't need to hover, but you sure as hell better make sure you know where your kid is and what they are doing.
Update:
I see the iphone, book, conversation-group moms everyday. It's one thing if you are ignoring your children for a lengthy amount of time (IE: On your phone playing farmville for an hour, while your kid is smacking others in the head), and another to do a "quick" check.
I judge because I am the mom that has to interrupt play yard fights, help kids that aren't my own (I have to carry bandaids and cream with me at all times when going to the park now)...all because their mothers are too busy "doing their own thing" to actually be a parent. I am the one having to actually BABYSIT your kids and tell them/you/leave to make them quit being out of control brats towards mine. No parent wants to have to parent someone else's kids. So, why are you forcing others to watch your kids for you? I didn't sign up to watch YOUR kid. I watch MINE. It should NOT be MY job to make sure your little Johnny isn't going to punch my youngest in the face - AGAIN.
So, yes, while I am telling my children to avoid yours - because they aren't being supervised properly, I will be judging behind your back and TO your face. I will be that asshole parent that tells you that you should watch your kids or not take them to the park. If they are a danger to me and mine, the adults in my kids' lives are REQUIRED to stand up for them. If that doesn't work, we will leave and avoid the shit out of that kid (both at school and otherwise) ...but not before something was said first nicely, then full of anger, then just plain /gasp rudely. If you don't get the hint by then, you'll be lucky I don't call the cops for YOUR kids being UNsupervised under the age of 10 in a public place. There are babysitting laws for a reason, and if your kids are THAT much of a problem...then you are FAILING at being a parent.
Also, aside from pedophiles...you have to worry about bullying, injuries, and many other things while at the park. Just because you hang out on a bench, and WATCH your kids, doesn't mean you are a hovering mother. It means you are worried about their safety. And trust me...not every IPhone mom is only picking up that phone "for just a minute". Hell, it only takes just a minute for your kid to shove mine into the wood chips. You should be paying attention.
If you aren't paying attention to your kids, and want to make excuses for yourself...then you shouldn't be taking them to the park. Period. A public place is not where you want to take your eyes off your kids. You can still have conversations, check your phone once a while, read a book...all while paying attention. But, if your kid causes a problem with mine...I will be all over you and then some.
What if her kid was punching mine in the face? Yes, this has happened. What if someone tried to steal your child? Yes, this has been attempted. What if someone was being mean to your child? Yes, this has happened. What if they are trying to suffocate your kid in snow? Yes, this has happened. What if they are trying to steal a clippie or something of my kids' items? Yes, this has happened.
Pay attention. Your job is to be a parent, not to make excuses for your non-parenting.
It doesn't matter WHO she is. It matters WHAT she is doing. She is forcing her kid on ME and MINE. 9/10 are usually brats. I don't tolerate that garbage from my own kids, let alone someone else's bratlet. I don't care if she just needed 10 minutes to BREATHE (been there, done that). She needs to MONITOR her kids. If they are ill-behaved at home, bringing them to the park is not a good idea. If your kid is being a brat in general, you WILL piss off other parents. We don't care if you are having some "alone time" or trying to finish a conversation. It does.not.matter. Parks have etiquette rules for a reason. If you and YOURS cannot abide from normal park rules, you deserve everything that is coming to you....especially if you were putting your own needs before your CHILD'S. (which is a whole 'nother story of wrong)
Oh, and I don't care if she works 5 jobs or none. That's another excuse. You can do your work at home, while your kids play in their own backyard. Don't force other parents to watch your little "darlings", just because you want some "mom time" to do "stuff". Do your stuff on your own time, that's what I do.
I am also technically a single mother, with my husband located over 26 hours away. I work THREE jobs, two at home and one outside. I also do class gifts for EVERY holiday and volunteer for EVERYTHING in regards to my kids. I MAKE time for my kids, it's MY job (and soon they won't want me around as much when they hit teenagers). I don't ignore my kids. I protect them, without hovering. I WATCH them and smile when they call my name (over and over) to watch them play. I smile when they play with other kids. I can still read a book and know where they are (and what is going on) without having to worry too much. I can easily handle all day summer vacations and then some, without flipping out or choosing to just "dump them at the park". That's not parenting. That's making them someone else's problem.
The point is this: If you are going to make excuses for the behavior of LAZY parents, then you are no better then them. It is simply way too easy for a CHILD (who is NOT an adult that can make proper decisions 99% of the time) to have something bad happen to them. You don't need to turn your back on your kids while they are playing to have a conversation with other mothers at the park. You can speak to them WHILE watching your kids. Simple.
It wasn't your child's choice to be brought into a world where mom just "can't handle" her kids for an entire day (it's called being a parent, suck it up). It was YOUR choice. If you can't handle your kids, you shouldn't be having them. If you need a break, take one...on your own time, or when someone can watch them for you. NOT in a public place, completely ignoring your kids.
Oh, and in other countries they have harsher fines and penalties for crimes against children. Bullies are not tolerated, and face stiff fines (even at the tender age of 5). Pedophiles are jailed with VERY harsh sentences. But, you know...because YOU claim that the world is a much different place...we should believe you? What about the child rapes in Somalia? Yes, the general public was up in arms...but that doesn't stop pedophiles from attacking hundreds of children a month. I find it highly laughable that you think the WORLD is full of pretty pink flowers and unicorns that burp rainbows. The real world is full of dangerous and terrible people. I'm not even attempting to fear monger here. But, people should be aware of what is around them.
Our culture is either LAZY/Letting children make the choices in the household (what? you don't want veggies, well don't have them!) or OVER protective. I like to lean towards the middle, which is VERY rare.
Just use some common sense. If in public, know where your offspring are at ALL times. Seems to be too difficult for majority of the parents I have seen. It doesn't matter what country, town, city, planet you live on. You want to keep your kids safe? Then watch them. Not like a hawk, but KNOW what is going on. Look AT them. Don't pick up your phone to finish a 50 minute email and IGNORE your kids.
Yes, after my lengthy response...here is the jist. I don't care if you are a single mother, married wife, too many kids...etc. If you aren't watching your kids appropriately, then you aren't being a parent. You are basically dumping your problem on someone else. It's not MY job to be understanding when your kid is being a brat. It's not MY job to babysit your kid...all because your PHONE is more important than your child.
Will I judge her as a bad parent right off? Nope. But I WILL notice her not paying attention to her kids, and I WILL say something if her kids are being holy terrors.
EVERYONE has something going on their lives that makes it hard. Be it single mother, or not making above min. wage. We ALL have issues. We ALL are supposed to be watching our kids and making sure they behave and/or are safe. You signed up for this job. Now, stop whining about it. Other people have it harder then you and poor pitiful Iphone mom.
Update:
This is for future reference. Someone dared to attempt to call me out and lecture me. She basically judged me on one sentence. She is also very religious. Seems like the judge not lest ye be judged just turned her into a hypocrite.
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