Parenthood - Jasmine and Crosby (Part 2)

No one is saying that all the kids in the world need to be raised the same exact way, I'm not sure why you jumped to this conclusion. But, we are saying that moving around every 3-4 weeks is a bad situation for ANY kid. As a military spouse, I am super judgemental about that sort of thing. My husband and I put our kids first. To the extent of buying a house when they started school, and both of us living in seperate states until he retired. It worked out well for our well-adjusted children, and when I asked them about it later - they were really happy with the decision we made. If we had of kept moving around to "follow dreams", we would have little emo anti-social kids running around. I'd rather my kids grow up with their friends and be in the same school EVERY school year. That is MY parenting choice, and it has turned out for the better.

I feel that as a parent, you are required to make special sacrifices for your children. Picking them up and moving them around every 3-4 weeks is NOT a sacrifice, it's leaving that child with attachment issues. I don't care if it's the summer. That child should at least be in one place for ONE school year, not every month being in a different place. If you noticed, not even military families move THAT often. It's MAYBE once every year.

I see a problem with her moving because I had the same exact choice to make. I picked the correct decision to put my own kids first, drop my career, put my relationship on hold, and gain stability in our hectic household. I hated living out of boxes, and now I'm hating being a single parent. That's MY decision though. I put MY kids first, she did NOT. She put her CAREER (something inanimate) over her CHILD (something LIVING).

Having a dream career is one thing. If your kid is suffering because of it, it's an entirely different thing. I'm happy that she realized her kid should come first, and that she missed being around him. However, I don't think she would have made that decision if Jabbar had been forced to go to Europe with her.

I think that Crosby stepped up to the plate the minute he found out, and that he is attempting to be a good dad. I give him props for that, but I don't think that makes him a "sperm" donor. He was denied his child's birth and the 5 years following, because SHE wanted to follow her career. That is a big no-no. He has rights, and he missed out on a lot, because of HER.

What harm has been done by her? He doesn't have a stable household, no stable parental influence, different rules, different schools, different everything. Moving around is no biggie, once in a while. But in the REAL world, people don't move that much if they have children. Following your job is one thing, following it around the world with a 5 yr old in tow, is completely different.

Aside from the direct impatct on Jabbar's life, she also denied him his father. She didn't inform Crobsy he even had a son until she wanted to pick up and follow her dream AGAIN. That's a serious lapse in judgement. It is not a logical choice to be a single parent, and turn her family against him, when he obviously would have stepped up (as he did now). She wanted to be selfish and travel the country. She denied Crosby his parental rights, and his son his father. In my eyes, that is a serious breach in her character.

In the end, she chose to have that child. No one beat her or forced her to give birth. She did that all on her own. Now, she needs to raise it and should have been doing so from the start. Please remember that Crosby was an unknowing sperm donor, and he even stated if he had known, he would have stepped up sooner. That was HER decision and you are taking it out on him.

It takes a much bigger person to give up their dream for their child, then it does to put their dream over their child's needs. That's what it comes down to. Her job isn't a 9-5pm job. It's moving around all over the place, AND dragging her child with her. That's why the REAL parents who REALLY put their kids first should be given props. Rather the selfish parent who didn't give one whit about her kid while she did all of the dragging.

You can have your dream, just not right now. Wait until your kid is grown up and out of your house. That is what REAL parents do. She put her "dream" (if it's even that to her), over her child that she CHOSE to have. In making that choice, she should have realized the responsibility that came along with it. She didn't, or chose not to accept that responsibility. Hence, she is a SELFISH/LAZY parent.

Real parents make those sacrifices everyday, we shouldn't give her props for finally deciding to put her child first (after 5 years?). This should be considered a requirement for parenthood. My husband, myself, and our friends put our children first over our dreams nonstop. It's called being a parent.
I agree that she still has some growing up to do, but I believe that it took her a little too long to realize that. The minute her kid was born, she should have been stepping up to the plate. Not 5-6 years later. This is called lazy parenting.
Ask any REAL parent out there what their dream job or dream is. Most likely they don't have that dream job anymore because the kids come first. They should always come first.

My point is: We shouldn't give props to someone who should have been doing this all along. Crosby has an excuse for being left out of his son's life (due to her), and he obviously stepped up to be a REAL parent immediately. She only realized it years later. That's a big difference in my eyes.

On that note, let's thank all the dead beat dads or moms who suddenly disappear and then reappear in their children's lives 20 years later. No, I don't think so. They screwed up their child's childhood, and now they want to reap the rewards. Granted, Jasmine is as bad, but she put herself first for a good 5 years. That's not how parenthood works. YOU can have YOUR dream when your kids are 18 and living outside of your house. You chose to have that kid, now you can raise it.