Letter to My Asshole Neighbors...

We have had too many problems with our neighbors, and tonight was the last straw for me.  We have tried to be nice, mean, and everything in between.  It is time for a letter.  I don't know if I will actually send this letter, but I wrote it all out so that I can use it later - if needed.

Dear Asshole Neighbors,

I am writing this letter because speaking to you has done nothing. My mother-in-laws (both of them), my father-in-law, my husband, my brother, and myself have all tried to speak to you about what has been going on. When we spoke to you, you said to keep an open line of communication. We tried to do that, to no avail. You obviously don't care about anyone but yourself and this was a fake nicety on your part. You live in a COMMUNITY and your actions effect your neighbors.  Naturally, we'd have some complaints about the things you have been doing.

    We put up with your weekly Saturday parties and adjusted our schedule so it didn't interfere with our lives. As you can imagine, your parties are not quiet and last all day long until past midnight. Your "guests" park anywhere they want to. Including my driveway and on the wrong side of the street. Your "guests" scream things at my children and dog over the fence during these parties.  We do not leave our house on Saturdays and do not do our yardwork either.  This is mainly due to not being able to get out of our driveway or worrying about breaking someone's care.  This is not very neighborly, but we put up with it since it was only once a week and you only do it during the warm weather.

We even put up with your 9 day party spree. What? You don't remember that? You had a party that lasted for 9 straight days, sometimes until 2am every night. It made life hell for the entire neighborhood. We may be the closest to your house, and thus you don't think you aren't annoying anyone...but you are. We were not the only ones to have a problem with this large party stint you had in June. But, we understood that you were super excited that it was the start of summer...so we put up with it.  Surprisingly, we weren't even the ones to call the police on you that time.

We put up with you taking pictures/videos of our children. Yes, I saw you and your friends across the street doing that. You think you are being slick and we don't notice you, but we do.  I should not have to ban my children from the front yard just because I don't want you taking pictures of videos of them.  Not only is it illegal for you to video tape or take pictures of under-aged children, but you didn't have my permission to do so.  You are lucky I didn't call the cops.

 

We notice when you are standing outside our house and watching us do yardwork or playing in the front yard.  You do realize that this is stalking, right?  We have a right to be on our property without the fear of being harassed.  I should not have to lay mulch in my yard at midnight just to avoid you.  I am not a show to watch.  I am a human being doing yardwork.  It's boring.  Why bother staring at me do it?  It was hard NOT to notice you standing in their yard and gossiping about us in front of our house. Please stop. We don't go into our front yard anymore because of this.

You have been letting your dog loose into our yard without a leash and so have your friends across the street. I almost ran it over when I pulled into my driveway. Yes, I saw you standing on your porch calling for it. So, you obviously knew this dog was in our yard and didn't stop it. Your dog may not appear vicious, but when it doesn't move from out of the front of my huge SUV and continues to try to chase my kids and I into our house...it comes across as vicious. You are lucky we didn't call animal control all those times. But, we put up with this because we figured it was an "oopsie". We tolerated this to keep the peace, even if you and your friends have let your dogs loose multiple times.  There is a leash law for a reason, use it.

Also, we aren't sorry we "ruined" your engagement party.  Which, we didn't even come close to doing that and we don't feel guilty.  But, we liked your attempt to make us feel bad about it.  Your fat brother did that.  Maybe if you had had some common sense and natural human decency, your fat brother wouldn't of have a flip out in MY yard.  We were trying to figure out amongst ourselves, on our property, in my garage, if we should still do our yardwork or not.  Naturally, YOU caused this problem and we were trying to figure out a solution to this mess.  We had already skipped doing yardwork for THREE weeks before we decided to even attempt it.  How were we supposed to know what was going on over there?  How were we supposed to know that you would be listening in our on conversations?

We weren't invited nor informed about your massive party, yet you felt we were in error for wanting to actually USE our front yard?  Are you serious?  There was no warning you were going to have yet ANOTHER party.  How were we to know this one was actually important to YOU.  Just because it is important to you, doesn't mean it is important to us.  We weren't invited.  We have lives too, and you have been infringing on our rights since day one.  An engagement party is not an excuse to be a bunch of assholes to your patient neighbors.

We didn't say anything when they were walking across our yard or throwing their trash in our yard.  We managed to swallow our anger and clean up the mess you pigs left in our yard.  Every time.

We didn't say anything when one of them hit our mailbox or kicked in one of my solar lights for funsies.  Which I finally just got enough money to fix.  You owe me $47.00 for that, but I never asked for it since I am a nice neighbor.  I have a picture of the license plate of who caused the damage.  You can send the bill to them.

Also, your guests have a tendency to block our mailbox.  We haven't been getting our mail and the mail lady is rather pissed about it.  You do realize that you make her job harder when she can't deliver the mail, all because your "guests" are illegal parked in front of my mailbox and driveway.

You are lucky we have not called a tow truck to have anyone removed from our property.  We have resorted to never leaving the house during one of your parties.  Your guests block our driveway, and even park in it.  That is illegal.  Next time, I WILL have them towed.  Have fun paying those fees.

We didn't say anything when you were being super loud again.  You are supposed to be quiet after 6pm at night.  We know this is unrealistic during a party, but around 9pm you should shut the fuck up.  Your neighbors have a right to silence at night.

Your guests felt the need to USE our yard, in front of our house, driveway and anything else they felt they had the right to use.  We didn't say anything when some of them parked in our driveway and YOURS was empty.  This caused the pizza delivery guy to walk about a block to our house a few times.  You do realize that there is a street less than 5 feet away that has ZERO houses or other people to bother, right?  You can park there. It's the same walking distance, and doesn't annoy your neighbors.
We didn't even say anything when your brother was bitching about MY sprinklers hitting MY grass near his car.  WAH for him!  How DARE we water our grass, on our yard day, in our OWN yard!  How DARE we have our sprinklers running BEFORE he even showed up!  We are SO evil!  He KNEW we were watering our grass, and STILL parked there.  Did you even hear what he said to us BEFORE he even got onto your property?  That guy is a piece of work.  We were watering our grass before he even showed up!  How DARE he get a little wet after parking in front of our house.

We ONLY said something when YOU and YOUR family decided to eavesdrop into our family home. By the way, that was tacky. We were arguing about whether or not to do our grass or skip it again for the week. We can't keep skipping doing our yard just because you want to keep having a party lifestyle. If a rock kicks up and hits your guests' windshield, we are liable. I don't exactly feel like paying for a new windshield when your guests shouldn't be there in the first damn place.

Your brother is the reason your engagement party turned out the way it did.  We were minding our own business, which you should have done, and then all of a sudden he comes storming over screaming at me.  He is lucky he didn't come closer.  I doubt he realized my husband was in the garage, because as soon as he saw him...he ran away like a baby.  Your brother has no right to harass me and verbally assault me in front of my children, just because he had to move his car.  Poor him!  Maybe he shouldn't of parked there in the first place!

We pay the mortgage on our property here. Not you. If I don't want your drunk brother parking in front of my house when I'm doing yard work, then I don't want him there. Deal with it. The fact that you claimed her was a sheriff makes it even worse. He may be religious, which I doubt, and he may be in a position of supposed power...but the guy is a massive dick with a superiority complex. I don't bow down to some overgrown, entitled teenager during a temper tantrum when I am on my own property trying to handle his bullshit. Oh, and we have a video of him flipping out. I wonder what would happen if that video somehow made it to his superiors? We deserve an apology for his actions FROM him.

Your fat brother claimed I was a 19 year old little girl. I am 31 years old and an active duty military spouse. My husband has done three tours and even he is tired of your crap. It takes a lot to make someone like him get angry, but you have managed to wheedle down his patience to NONE in less then 2 years. That's truly amazing. He never got pissed during tour, or about protesters, but for you? Yes, he has gotten royally angry at. I applaud you and your "guests" for your new breed of assholeness. It's a sad day when you are worse then a terrorist.

We have lived here for over 7 years and did not have a problem with any of our neighbors until you moved in. We put up with a lot over the last two years from you, out of being good neighbors. But, no longer. Because of everything you have done to us, we are no longer going to put up with anything anymore. If your dog is off the leash or barking past 6 pm, if you shoot off fireworks, if you have loud parties that last until past midnight...I WILL call the cops. I am tired of your bullshit.
Since you have moved in, we have had a constant yearly problem with your fireworks. The first straw was the first year you moved in and we thought you had gotten the hint when we called the police on you. You do realize that you are not allowed to aim your fireworks at anyone's house, right? The police don't care if you are shooting them from the street or your yard. If it is entering my property and bouncing off my roof, or landing in my yard...it is illegal. You could start a fire.

But, you did it again the very next year. I had to sit outside with my children and make sure no fires were being started on my roof or in my yard. We even cleaned up your parachute mess. I spent two weeks cleaning up your firework mess.  Your relatives were understanding and even appreciative of us. You were not. You obviously didn't learn your lesson.

Thankfully you didn't shoot them onto my roof this year. You have the nerve to shoot them off after 10:45pm at night. You do realize that in the Canyon that there are tons of fires being started because of fireworks and that there is a law stating which times are acceptable to shoot off fireworks, right? You have broken two laws. I have found your fireworks in my pool, on my roof and in my yard this year. Just because you are shooting them off in your front yard, doesn't mean that they aren't still landing in MINE. You are not allowed to shoot fireworks off past 9:30pm. For a reason. You live in a family orientated neighborhood. How many other children have you been waking up besides mine?

I am tired of having my 7 month old waking up crying because you are selfish, entitled assholes. I am tired of my other kids waking up and freaking out about them. I am tired of hearing my puppy barking nonstop because she is terrified of fireworks now, because of you. I am tired of your selfishness. I actually prayed this year that you didn't light my house on fire. Even though you are technically allowed to shoot off fireworks until July 31st, you're not supposed to do it once every 3 days. People have lives and need to sleep.

‎Also, our fence is 6 inches into our property and we have allowed you to USE part of it since you moved in. I want you to move your sprinklers so they are no longer on my property or spraying into my yard. You are lucky I am not asking you to remove your fence from my property. I am not asking this due to the fact that your rabid dog might get loose again. I haven't said anything until now, simply because I was attempting to be nice. That fake niceness is now gone. Move your sprinklers or I will bring you to court.

We paid someone to come out and spray the weeds in our yard.  Your sprinklers turned on that night and wasted the money we spent.  You also wasted the money we spent on our own weed killer.  You have a massive bill for that, too.  We didn't even realize this was what was happening until I heard the sprinklers on one night.

You are a prime example of entitlement and what is wrong with this country. You have officially pissed off not only us, but several other families on the block. Several families have been stating they are moving to get away from you. There are reasons why these people hate you, and I'm just the type of bitch to tell you them. It's because you don't care about anyone else's RIGHT to peace.

Now, I can understand if you are reading this and thinking "what a bitch". But, someone had to tell you. You moved into a neighborhood that doesn't put up with college partying bullshit. This is a family neighborhood with small children. If you don't like having to actually be grownups and follow the laws, then maybe you should move. 99% of us have children and like to SLEEP at night. We like going into our yards to play and have fun. Since you have moved in, we cannot do that anymore. It is only right that someone actually tell you how much you are pissing people off.

PS. Your Christmas "gift" made the entire neighborhood sick. You should give up canning for good, as you can't even handle such a simple feat.